The Arachnoids [A Starker Rock Band AU]

13: Raw Revelations

Tony notices the hint of anxiety lingering in the back of his mind as he clutches his mic more tightly. Natasha and Steve are currently playing the breakdown right after the bridge; Tony has to sing again soon.
He tries to ignore the intrusive thoughts, but the idea that they could get the upper hand at any moment is terrifying. He's tired. Exhausted. Everything inside him screams to simply grab one of the pills he keeps hidden at the bottom of his backpack. It'd be so easy. Too easy. Which is exactly why he shouldn't do it. He fears that if he takes one in a non-emergency moment like this, it'll be the start of an irreversible drug addiction. He refuses to become dependent on them, and screw up his life along with it. He'll have to deal with his thoughts, as difficult as that may be.

"Uhm...Tony?" Steve whispers gently. Only then, Tony realizes his bandmates have stopped playing. His cheeks flare and he looks up ashamed. The drummer puts his sticks down to rest on the snare drum. "I think we practiced enough today, didn't we?"
"I..." Tony tries, unsure of what to answer. He knows they did, in fact, not practice enough. Steve is trying to cut him some slack. Part of him wants to whisper a relieved thank you, but the other part knows that he won't be able to stand the silence when his bandmates leave. He swallows.
This entire situation... It's not sustainable. At one point, probably sooner rather than later, his bandmates and crewmembers will give up on him. He loves The Avengers, and he could not bear seeing it fall apart.

His mind flickers towards Peter. The boy, almost a stranger when he found out about Tony's problems, had been so understanding and kind. Tony wonders if Natasha and Steve might react the same way. Don't they... Deserve to know? After all this time? Or will they despise him for not telling sooner?

Only one way to find out .

"I don't want you to leave," Tony starts quietly. Natasha frowns, lowering her bass. "My anxiety- it's- bad. Very, very bad at this moment. If you're here, it's easier."
"Oh, Tony..." Natasha whispers. The earlier frustration clears from her face, and she gestures at him to sit down. Tony presses his lips together as he does so. Steve shifts on his seat slightly.
"Your medication issue hasn't been sorted, then? I thought you had another appointment last week?"
"There's nothing we can do," Tony sighs, his voice weak. "Aside from the emergency one. Which I obviously can't take whenever I want it." I wish I could. "But- there's... There's more. Please, don't hate me for not telling you sooner."
"What is it?"
"Steve, you remember the redhead from James' party all those years ago?"
"I- I think I do. What about her?"
"She... Is the mother of my child."

It's dead silent.

Natasha blinks a few times. Steve just stares at him. Tony wishes he could disappear from their pitiful gazes.
"I haven't seen my daughter in nearly ten months. Pepper doesn't allow me to see her because of my medication issue."

"Tony..." Steve whispers. "Why don't you start at the beginning?"

-

Tony is drained. He's lying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling blankly. After he told Steve and Natasha, it felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. They helped him tell management too, and a few crew members that had been at the studio. Everyone who Tony felt as they deserved to know.

Natasha took him home and made sure he ate something before she left. Now, he's here. He wonders why he feels both lighter and heavier at the same time.

Before he even knows what he's doing, he grabs his phone and opens his chat with Peter.

[9.42 p.m.] Tony: I told the band about M.

When he hits send, he regrets it instantly. Peter is probably banging Harley right now. Tony overheard Liz talk to another crew girl about Harley being madly in love. Surely, Peter doesn't want to deal with Tony's problems. Especially not after the pitiful jealousy he'd displayed last time they saw each other.

[9.43 p.m.] Bambi: How'd they respond? Do you want me to call you?

Tony hesitates.

[9.43 p.m.] Tony: Do you have time?
[9.43 p.m.] Bambi: For you, always.

Tony hates how that makes his heart flutter in his chest. He's got enough emotions to deal with right now, and he can't fathom to unpack the nature of the things he may or may not feel for the kid. Not today. He-

He sits upright quickly when he sees Peter's called ID on his screen.

"Hey," Tony whispers as he picks up the phone.
"Hey, Tones." Peter pauses. "Are you alright?" Somehow, a wave of sorrow washes over Tony, and a sob rises from his chest. He clutches his sheets and presses them against himself tightly.
"No," he chokes out. "No, I'm not."
"Shit. Tony. I'm coming over. Where do you live? I-"

"Is that Tony? What's wrong?"

Tony freezes when he hears Harley's voice in the background. He closes his eyes and stops breathing for a second. See? Peter is with Harley.
"Nevermind," Tony croaks. "I'm fine. Bye."

He ends the call in panic and notices how his breathing becomes faster and faster. His chest constricts, and he cries out. He knows he should go and grab a Xanax now, that it's the one thing that may be able to help him- but he's unable to get up. Unable to even reach for the spare bottle hidden in his nightstand. His vision is blurry, white-hot flashes that he can't make sense of. He can't think straight. He can't breathe. He can't do anything.

-

Peter stares at his phone as the call cuts off. He can see MJ, Ned, and Harley look at him, their expressions filled with worry.
"Fuckfuckfuck," he breathes, "-he hung up on me." Peter knows it's a bad sign. Tony is not in a good place right now.
"Harley. You know where he lives, right?"
"Yeah, why-"
"Give me his address. He needs me."
"I'm coming with you," Harley mumbles, and he jumps up from his chair, grabbing his car keys. The roadie quickly glances at MJ and Ned, muttering an apology before he gestures at Peter. Peter quickly follows after him.