I took a deep breath as we entered the professional room, where the panelist are waiting for the next group of defense. This is it! I said to myself as I smiled nervously. For about 3 months of thoroughly plan the methods and how to formulate it, it's time to explain the result of our research.
"Good day everyone I am Gia Seira presenter of our group." With confidence and courage, I finally started to act as the leader. I've been known to be a fire as I always light up the room every time I talk with an assurance and confidence. Everyone knows how lively and serious I am every time I am being assign to be the leader, and it may be sound so arrogant, but I need to live in life as me being so perfectionist in every detail I handle. Who am I to be kidding? I will be so stressed when I can see even just a small detail that can make it unpresentable.
"And that's all. Thank you for listening." I slightly bow myself and smile again with the panelist. Preparing myself for their unstop questions. "My question is, why all of you didn't use your own questionnaire and choose to apply the research questionnaire on the internet."
A very nice question indeed as I tell to myself and breath for a couple of times then utter.
"Honestly Sir, we had tried to make our own questionnaire but sadly the Statistician told us that when we had gone to the participants they just randomly answer the question without even thinking deeply. So we had failed in the validation and reliability Sir as it didn't reach the 60% of the statistics result." I end my sentence with an air coming out of my mouth for even if I'm being used of being a leader, I'm still getting nervous every time I report. Furthermore, I can't be hypocrite I've been having a hard time handling my life as I being nervous most of the time. Being perfectionist is hard, partnered with how to understand my true emotion. This is the secret of mine, I may act so smart in front of everyone but deep inside me I'm so dumb and don't know what to do.
Just even trusting others is hard for me. Living the life where I smile and laugh every time I notice someone is giving all their stories to me, and they are asking for my advice in life. Here I am greatly struggling and questioning my worth as a person.
"I'm impressed with what you have answered, and I think you have really thought your research paper. Thank you and good luck with the result." We all smile and says our thank you and slowly prepare to go out. "You are really awesome Gia." One of my group mates said. I just smiled to her, not even responding. Plastics, if I know they will just backstab me. They are so friendly when you are around then talk all the dark stories when not. As I close the door and planning to go to comfort room, I realize something as I mess my hair. I start acting like an untrusted person again, I didn't even realize I judge her. Furthermore, I really need to work hard with my issues in life.
College
As I slowly walk towards my new journey in college life. I realize how it is so different back when I was in Senior High. I'm taking up Bachelor of Science in Accountancy.
"What do you think if we will decide to choose the business laws as our primary topic in the report?" I look to the person who suggested it. I didn't really remember his name, and our eyes met. Maybe he noticed the awkwardness I envelop. He smiles and outreach his hands. "I'm Jacob Archer" I also reach him. "Gia Seira."
That's when I met him. Up until now we still constantly support and encourage each other. I've learned that his taking Bachelor of Science in Business Management.
"Don't be so hard with yourself Gia it's been 3 hours now, and you are still studying." Jac said to me as he gets up and order another glass of coffee. We are here in the Starbucks, it's our finals for the first semester. "I can't be slack off Jac. You know I need to make my parents proud." Reaching his eyes and smile to him. He is being here again today. Every time I'm having a hard time with my academics Jac is here to support me.
"I know that but still, health is more important." Jac insists and I nodded a little and stretch my arms. I need to relax myself as I rested my back in the sofa. Slowly close my eyes, I still remember how I am easily irritated with myself and to other people way back in the first week of college. Until I met him, he unravels the best side of me, and now I can finally say he is one of the best thing that happened to me. I am not the old Gia Seira, who is perfectionist and couldn't even trust the people around me, I can say that I matured a lot.
"You both really look like a couple Gi." As I read the Instagram comment when I posted our picture together. "Look." I reach and pat his arm. He laughs a little and shake his head. Almost all the Business department think we are together but we both know that we are just close friends. And label is really not important as long as we care and respects each other, that's all that matters.
Who am I to be kidding? I secretly like him but of course like other real life story I fell in love with my best friend who is afraid of commitment.
"Gia this situation is not working anymore." I'm confused as I reach his eyes, we are in the library, and it's our final week today. Just one more week and 1st year will be over. "W-what are you talking about?" I stutterly said to him
"Recently, I've lost myself and couldn't understand everything." I've reach his hands I just found myself crying in front of him.
"We can work this out, right?" I asked and pleaded with everything I got. I can't lose him. Not now, not ever. "Remember I've been the one who's helping you when you are so depressed and down. But now I can't even look in your eyes without being afraid."
"Afraid of what?" He just takes away his eyes and look in the side. "I need to leave. We need time to understand ourselves. Now that I also lose myself how can I even support you with your darker times. I think this is the best for us. We both being suffocated with the responsibilities in life."
I never imagine myself losing him that day. I thought everything is alright for he never failed to make me smile. However, I am so selfish I didn't even notice how sad he is. Tears fall like rivers as I hug him, and he hugged me back. For the last time I will be selfish just for a minute. I reach his cheeks and slowly whispered even if we are both looking at each other's eyes.
You are still the only person I will love and cherish, until we meet again.
~
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