Why Remember?

Chapter 1

This isn't going to be one of those journals that I want to keep for memories. Its just about a love life that has never started because of this tendency I have of being too shy to do or try anything. High School is full of love and their memories you want to keep. To me the love and memories hurt when I try to remember so I'm just going to say what has happened with my so called "love" life so if anyone wants to know, just continue reading this. The contents would have love letters I have thought of and stories to tell that has happened to me

Day 1: Butterflies

"The way you look at me, the way you smile at me, the way you talk to me, they all just start giving me butterflies. My cheeks start to feel as though they are on fire even though I know it's just me starting to blush. All these sensations make my heart to flutter and make me feel happy. He has yet to find out that I like him, but the problem is...I can't tell him. We are only friends but since we are friends he told me who he has a crush on. When he first told me, it stabbed me in the heart because I liked him but he doesn't feel the same way about me. Before he ever told me that, he would do all these things to just make me smile and laugh. We were really close, but just like all good things, they must all come to an end.
Whenever I became so sad I would cry, I would go to a corner. I told everyone I was okay but somehow he knew I was never okay. He would hold me in his arms and hold me close. He just stood there letting me cry and not saying any words, I knew he didn't like me being sad because when our eyes meet I notice he's about to cry too. There was no one else like him, it was another reason to cause me to like him even more. I still like him but it hurts too much to admit that since I know he would never feel the same way. I see him looking at the other girl while I just stand there wondering how things could've been if i told him I liked him before it became too late. I want to turn away, I really do but a part of me just wants to wish that it was me he looked at.
What should I do? I ask myself that question every time I see him, but I just can never just say what I think, I can't express my true feelings for him towards him. It would ruin what we have already. My heart aches every time I think about him but when i'm with him, my heart starts to beat faster and i start to get those butterflies in my stomach. I love him."

Why? Why didn't she tell me any of this? Reading this is making me feel all the emotions she was feeling. She was dealing with this for such a long time...why didn't I notice any of her feelings.

Day 2: The day he told me

"His words lingered in my head the whole day..."I'm planning on asking her out". I didn't know what to feel anymore. Hatred? Happiness? Sadness? Someone needs to tell me what to feel. All I'm able to do is just watch things happen. Im such a coward....I'm so weak. Help... anybody...please help me.
I just want it all to end but at the same time I don't want anything to change. Today, I tripped in the hallway but before I hit the ground, I was staring at his blue eyes once more. He caught me in his arms and he gave me that smile...the same smile that made me start to like him in the first place. I felt the same sensation I feel every time he's around me. Once more, my heart started to flutter, I had butterflies in my stomach, and i felt my face burning. I love him so much it hurts. Im at the brink of tears everytime he looks at that other girl. What if, just what if I had told him I loved him. Would he had liked me back?
I love you. The three words that could change everything, it could've been me he was looking at, it could've been me he would've wanted to ask out. Then again, its only could've...it would of happend if I wasn't such a coward.

Day 3: He asked her

Soon enough he asked her. The girl had said yes and they are now a couple...I now feel empty. I just walk around as though I'm in a daze. He began to stop talking to me because of his girlfriend. I was now a stranger to him. I stand in the corner of the hallway, just watching a couple that wouldn't have been together if it wasn't for my cowardness.
They hold hands everywhere and he's always kissing her hand. He calls her beautiful and perfect and that she's his everything. I was lost and in pain, no one was there for me anymore. I miss the feelings he made me feel, I miss the sweet words he would say to me, I miss him. The whole day just passed by me without a trace of any happy emotions.

Day 4: Kiss

I walked around campus during lunch just waiting for time to pass. I didn't want to see him with that girl again. I just want to...I don't even know what i want to do anymore. The pain was hard to endure. I just want to disappear, i want to move away and try to forget everything. I don't feel like remembering any of this...there's no point.
I continued walking until I heard a girl giggling behind the staircase. I walked towards the girls voice. My...my heart...it feels as though it just stopped. His lips were softly pressed against hers. Both of their eyes were closed as if they were in their own world. I felt something warm start to roll down my cheek. Before I knew it, I was running...I was running as fast as I could. I didn't care as to where I was running, I just didn't know what to do..what to feel...I didn't know if I should stay any longer. Am I even wanted? Does he even still remember I'm here? My heart feels as though it has been stabbed by daggers a million times.
I ran to the corner in the back of one of the buildings and just let all my tears out. I cried silent tears so no one would be able to hear me. I want my memories to go away...someone please take them from me. There's no point of keeping them if theres nothing I can do with them anymore. I don't want to remember any of this.