Why Remember?

Chapter 3

Day 9
It was my brother's funeral. I cried my eyes out...I didn't eat anything...I didn't get a drop of sleep. This finished me...I don't care about anything and there's no one there to care about me. I want there to be someone who can comfort me right now...someone to hold me close...someone actually there for me. Do I deserve this? I guess I do for being so selfish for only wishing things to be good for me. My brother didn't deserve to die...why are things in life so unfair. Ha...why are we living in such a way...why am I even alive if this is all thats going to happen to me. Each ounce of happiness comes with a price.

I closed her journal and just looked at her. I slowly moved her hair that covered face behind her ear. How can such a sweet girl go through so much pain? I put my hand on my chest where my heart is. It's beating fast. I'm falling for her.
I looked at her hands and they were curled up to a fist. I opened one slightly but they just curled back. I found myself smiling at her once more. She deserves happiness no matter what, she doesn't deserve any of this pain . I slowly stood up and layed her head gently on the jacket I was wearing and I left the room.
As I stood outside the school I leaned against the wall and looked up at the sky. I'll try my best to bring her happiness. I took my phone out and and looked up her name on my contact list. I sent her a text and read the words out loud.
"Don't get over me just yet...I'm falling for you."
I let out a deep breath...I saw my own breath in the brisk air...I know what I'm feeling. It's true...I love her. I decided to walk home instead of getting a ride. I checked my phone and it showed she read the message. I felt as though my heart had skipped a beat. I smiled in realization that I actually truly love someone.
When I came to school, the first person I looked for was Violet. I want her to forget everything she's been through.
"Dakota....is it true?" I turned around and I saw her. Wearing white jeans, black boots and a black sweater. Her hair flowed down her body to her stomach, straight as a line.
"Will you go on a date with me tonight?" I went up to her and I wrapped my arms around her.
I felt her arms reach around me and I heard her word..."yes". She let go of me and left to her class. Throughout the day I heard her word ring in my ears. Her voice having a slight shake to it as though she was scared to say the word. I couldn't stop smiling.
Lunch came and I saw her walking towards me. "Why do you want to go on a date with me all of a sudden? Do you actually have feelings for? Or do you just feel pity on me?"
I do have feelings for you...you make my heart skip a beat, I feel nervous around you, and whenever I see you i just want to hold you close and never let you go.
"Why would you like me, why notice me now...why even go near m.." I just leaned in and kissed her. My arms were wrapped around her, my hands were resting on her lower back. I felt her hands slowly reach up to my shoulders and she slightly grabbed my shirt. We stayed like that for a bit and it felt as though nothing in the world matter.
Our lips parted and I just looked her just how she was looking at me. But words came out of her mouth..."I'm sorry." She slowly let go of me and she ran away.
I didn't see her the rest of the day. Why would she say sorry after that? Did I do something wrong? I walked around everywhere until I made it to her last class. Her teacher handed me her journal.
"She told me to give this to you, she also told me to tell you goodbye." I nodded and took the journal. What does she even mean goodbye? I opened the journal and there was a lot written.

This was the letter I was going to give to you when I first started loving you:
You are the closest person to me, the only person I can fully trust. You are my everything. This is one of those tacky love letters but this is all I'm able to do and I'm sorry if its not enough.
The way you smile makes my heart flutter, the way you laugh makes me start to smile no matter what. Your eyes sparkle with true happiness as though you have nothing to worry about. The way you have always cared for me, the way you were always there for me is what started this spark in me. You made me more alive, happy, energetic and all around made me feel great. You bring me warmth when I need it, you make me happy when I'm sad, you are what made me what I am today.
You always looked at me and smiled, you always hug me when I need it. I think I might have a chance with you if you feel the same way. Do you like me as well? I can't stop thinking about you, I wish I could be with you more and express my true feelings with you. I know I'm not the prettiest or most perfect girl in the world but what i'm saying is true.
I love you.

Love,
Violet
The day I was going to give that to you, I saw you getting interested in that girl. I don't know your true feelings for me. There was no motive for you to all of a sudden start liking me back...if you didn't notice me before, why notice me now. When you kissed me I felt as though you truly did like me but I realized it was all too quick. I love you so much it hurts but...I know you don't know what to feel. This was all I wanted you to read and hopefully I'll see you later on in life. Today I'm moving and I won't be coming back, so I guess this is a goodbye.

I don't know what to do anymore, whether I should let her go or chase her until the end. She's the one I want to be with, no other girl can replace her.
Days have passed by and I've been going crazy, its like what am I doing with my life. I miss her. I need her. I keep telling myself I need to get over her, I know she's gone but every time I tell myself she's not coming back but in my heart I know there's a way to get her back.