Why Remember?

Chapter 2

Day 5 The try of something new

A month has passed and I decided to write what's happening again. I'm still here alone...the guy I use to like is perfectly happy. I just stopped caring...about everything. I walk around like I'm in a daze everyday, just thinking about absolute nothing. Is it considered living? I'm not so sure but I guess I have try something new.
A guy named Collin asked me out, I just said yes even though I have no feelings for him whatsoever. We would be together walking and hold hands, it was like everything was a dream though. People began to try and be my so called friends but they only wanted to be with me because I was dating someone popular. While everyone talked to each other I just stood there like a statue with no emotions.
For some reason when I found myself alone in my old corner where I would cry, it still brought me to tears. I cried silently so no one could hear me, but all of a sudden I heard footsteps coming towards my way. It was him. He looked at me and didn't know what to say, but then his girlfriend started calling him and he just left me. Has he truly changed? Does he really not want to be around me?
Why can't I get you out of my mind.

Day 6 Blank
It was now winter break, love, happiness, friends and family. It was a time to be around all of that. I was the opposite...I was alone through all of break. My parents and little brother went out to a fancy restaurant. It was nice and snowy...the skies are painted grey, and the breeze was nice and brisk. I decided to take a walk around town with Collin since I didn't have anything else to do. We held hands and talked a bit until we ended up under a mistletoe. He slowly moved his hands to my lower back, and I had mine wrapped around the back of his neck. He slowly leaned in and put his lips on mine. His top lip was on my top lip and my top lip had his lower lip. We kept kissing gently but...he wanted more. His hands moved from my lower back down to my butt, then from kissing my lips he started kissing down my neck...until he whispered in my ear. "Hey lets go somewhere in private so we can continue further." I told him no, but he continued kissing me and he hardened his grip on me. I was struggling to break through his grip, but then he pushed me against a wall in an alleyway. "Stop it now..." that was all I was able to say through my mouth. his hands moved up my shirt slowly going up. I began screaming for help. Before I know it...he arrived.
He punched Collin in the face and he put his jacket around me. He took my hand and we ran across the street to a bridge. He only looked at me to see if I was alright but then he got a call from his girlfriend. He just went and walked away without looking back.
I was alone once more.
Day 7
It was the day before school...and I have just found my brother ice cold and not moving in his room. He won't wake up...someone please wake him up. He's too young to leave us, he can't...he just can't. My heart is about to burst, I can't take all this anymore, all these tears are going to flood this world. Please...help me.
Help me.

I need to find her. Where can she be? I am so stupid to believe that she was okay with everything. I've been thinking about myself and my life and I just completely left her alone. She seemed normal around me except the time I saw her crying but I thought it was something so simple.
I need her here...I can't have her like this. I'll start going crazy without her here with me. I'm so selfish to ever think that she didn't need me and that I should just care for myself. Shes been in pain ever since I left her, and she's been all alone.
Finally I found her...alone sitting on the windowsill looking through the window. She heard me coming...I whispered her name loud enough for her to hear..."Violet". Her eyes seemed as though they were blank. I held her journal out in front of her and she slowly reached out and took it.
"Did you read it?" She looked at me with a blank stare as though she didn't care anymore. I just nodded at her saying that I did.
"So now you know everything...but its not like it matters. When we were close I had such high hopes that I might've actually had a chance...I guess I was wrong. Even when you did get a girlfriend, I thought you would still want to be friends with me but I was also wrong about that. I'm wrong about everything apparently."
"You're not wrong...its just...I didn't know you felt any of.."
"Of my feelings? Would it have made any difference? You never had your eyes on me, it clear now that we were never going to be anything more...I just kept hoping...but hope can break a person." Tears started rolling down her cheeks and her eyes looked glossy from it.
"Don't cry please...I don't know what I'm suppose to do...I can't leave you." My heart started beating faster and I felt as though it was going to explode.
"You already did." She walked away and I just let her. Frozen was what I was, I couldn't move...what have I just done.
I can't chase after her...I don't know what words to say...I don't know what to do.
I'm so stupid.
A week has passed and all I've been able to do was watch Violet. Seeing her cry breaks a piece of me each time. My girlfriend broke up with me, and it seemed as though it was only me and Violet were in this world but she seems like she doesn't notice me in this world with her.
Time kept going by but I couldn't stop thinking about her, she was all that was on my mind. I'm going crazy because of her...I am crazy for her. I miss her look when she was happy. When she laughs she has a cute dimple on the right side of her cheeks and her cheekbones turns noticeably pink. when she says something sarcastically she scrunches her nose and says it wasn't sarcastic. The way when she cries she doesn't make a sound and just cries silently. I miss being with her.
I walked around the school until night waiting for a moment to come when I can see Violet again. I found her in a corner sleeping by the indoor staircase, her journal was on her lap and I saw a fresh tear roll down her left cheek. I sat next to her and I slowly moved her head on my shoulder. She repositioned herself so that she was comfortable, but she was still sleeping so she didn't notice it was me. I slowly reached for the journal on her lap, as soon as I grabbed it, I opened it to the page I left off on. I began to read her emotions and thoughts again.

Day 7 Why notice me
He came up to me today with my journal that I had lost. He looked sad in a way...but maybe pity because of how my life turned. But its true, if he had known my feelings before he started liking that girl things could have been different. Knowing my feeling now doesn't change anything...thats all it is...he only know.
Why try and actually notice me now...I know his feelings didn't change for me in that way. I'm trying so hard to not let anything start in my heart again... it hurts but...at least I won't be broken. Im so scared to ever try and love again, im scared that I'll be left again and that I will be ignored.
Day 8
I see him looking at me with those worried eyes of his, but he hasn't approached me yet. Even if he does...what would happen...would he just apologize? Would he just say hi? Its true I still love him but...I need to get over him since I'll soon be leaving. I want to run away from this life, run away from all this pain and suffering.
I want to be far away.