Random things that I think are funny

Ending

In which I express my love-hate relationship with cliffhangers

Once there lived a girl, who went by the name of Doe.
(And is often autocorrected to 'Die')

This girl was the prettiest girl in her town.
Everybody loves her, and nobody even had the thought to cross her.

Although her life wasn't all that it seemed...
(Cliffhanger option #1)

There were people after her, for some unknown reason.
The people of the village knew nothing of it, although it would make no difference if they did.
Cowards, they are.

These people had terrible intentions.
Unspeakable intentions.
Intensions that I shall tell you about despite the fact that they should go unspoken.

These intensions are as follows:
-Some sort of murder
-Cliffhangers

Terrible, really.
Much is unknown about these people...
But for some reason their intentions are plain as day-

Anyways~
It was said that they were gods.
Although something about that just didn't add up...

Doe was running out of time, and she knew it.
The rumors of a god coming to her town was all she needed to make the previous claim.

It was also rumored that this supposed 'god' had a poisonous snake...

Doe thought that it was supposed to be venomous, not poisonous.
Little did she know...
(Cliffhanger option #2)

Absolutely nothing happened.
This is ridiculous!
How am I supposed to narrate if nothing worth mentioning happens!

...riiiiiiiiight...

The supposed 'god' now has an apprentice.
Gods. Don't. Have. Apprentices.
In other news, the number of people after Doe is still unknown.
EVEN AFTER I JUST MENTIONED THE ONLY PEOPLE AFTER HER-

One day, Doe was simply just walking through the town. This day was quite sunny, but had perfect weather. Exactly 70°F, just the way Doe liked it.

Despite the amazing weather, Doe couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was about to happen-
(Cliffhanger option #3)

And then it started to rain.
The rain went from light to heavy quite quickly.

The temperature dropped slightly too.

The rain soon turned to hail, then to snow...

...and then to ice...

Maybe the temperature didn't drop slightly but rather it dropped significantly.

This, of course, was very distracting to poor Doe. So distracting that she didn't see the snake behind her suddenly turn into a basket full of bread.

Doe eventually did turn around and saw the basket full of bread behind her. Not seeing anyone around her, she took the basket and brought it back to her house.

Feeling quite hungry herself, she ate one slice of bread from the basket.

Let's just say that those people after her had no need to stay in the city after that.
(Final cliffhanger)