By chance...(Tsukkiyama)

guts

 Authors note: The bold is Yamaguchi and the italic is Tsukkishima, Further down includes some self hate nothing serious though, read at your own risk.

No, I do not plan to tell Yamaguchi my feelings not now not ever but ..I've been writing down letters of my feelings I write them and then I burn them, the reason why I'm NOT going to tell him is that

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I might lose him

I might lose him

Yamaguchi thought as he did his daily Saturday routine of drowning in his sorrows and remembering his loss and pain, this time it was Tsukki he was crying a river for, last week everything was calm and now he can't even keep his act together,

It's okay 

it's okay

Are the words that were playing In his head on loop. He was mad, sad but most of all trapped, in a small place where he just wanted to yell, but couldn't there was a lump in his throat a lump of coal that told him that " no one cared what you have to say, so, please SHUT UP"

It was a hard time for him he lived alone his only source of comfort was just a call away, or even just at the gym probably practicing, he just wanted to see Tsukki and if not the team...

Do you think they care or even know that I stay awake every night going over every little detail of everything I've ever done? 

probably not 

probably not 

was what Tsukki thought as he burned his newest letter where he had wrote of how Yamaguchi kinda smelled of  lemons,

 "heh imagine he actually cared for me the same way I do "

he said he laughed at himself but he was hurting ...but as usual he never even dared to confront his emotions, his emotions were a wall that he didn't dare to climb, a flower he didn't bother to water, His skills he didn't bother to improve.

"heh, you know what I'm the only one who is pathetic .."

"one day he is going to realize I'm a waste of space and  just leave me"

This was a constant thought that he had it was a bee buzzing in his ear reminding him he is worthless and deserves nothing he has.

"I wonder what he is doing right now..."

"well Tsukki I am behind you"

Tsukishima head  shot back, and his eyes shot open

"heh....hey yams"

"Hey Tsuki what are you doing ?"

ah, I finally dragged myself over here but maybe I should've asked to come over...

"oh nothing  just burning some trash"

he wasn't lying to him those letters were nothing but the feelings that would bring this friendship to a dead end. So therefore they were useless, a nuisance.

"cool....how are you doing, sorry for not asking to come over I was just really bored ...and you were just down the street, I don't wanna be a pain so I can leave if  I'm bothering you...

Yamaguchi said pointing to the door and getting ready to turn around and go back to his depressing room.

"no...no it's okay I'm bored anyway ....wanna do something"

Yamaguchi was suddenly happy to know he didn't have to leave, but he had nothing he wanted to do...

"well...um... we could practice ....!"

"..."

"heh, I guess not..."

"..."

"I kinda sounded like Kageyama and Hinata there for a sec "

"you kinda sounded like Kageyama and Hinata for a sec there..."

"...."

"heh" 

"well we could....make cookies remember when we used to make those little dinosaurs! and you would make stars so I would feel better about my freckles! "

Think good memories

good memories

"Yeah let's do that"

That ....doesn't sound too bad

"heh heh, Yay"

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