inescapable

5. Sympathy for the devil

* Kylo's POV *

Waking up next to her was like a dream. I couldn't believe she was real, as was last night. But I'm ripped out of my thoughts as a message from Hux says I'm required in the throne room again. I don't want to leave her but I know I have to, after getting dressed I give her a quick kiss on the forehead and leave.

Arriving at the throne room, Snoke summons me forward.

"My young apprentice, I sense a change, a small part of the light is still within you, what is doing this to you" He questions.

"I fear it may be my parents reaching out to me" I lie.

"Well then you know what you must do, unless you want to fail me you will do what must be done, put an end to Han Solo"

"Yes supreme leader" I say, without another word I leave.

He- he wants me to kill my father, I have to, I cannot be weak, or scared. He abandoned me years ago in fear of my power, so why now do I fear this will be my undoing.

I head for my TIE fighter without a second thought. I have to end this, and it has to be now.

There's been word of my father attempting to help a prisoner escape. As I land my TIE fighter I can sense his presence, the closer I get the stronger the pull is, that pull again. The same pull I feel when I'm around y/n. It comforts me, reminds me of a time before this, a time before I became Kylo Ren, a time when I was just Ben. I haven't thought about that person within me for years, since I joined Snoke. I want to be that person again but I can't, not without the fear of being killed, along with the cause of this disruption within me, y/n.

I will not let anything happen to her.

Whatever it takes.

The sight of my father pulls me from my thoughts, he's looking me straight in the eyes, he knows somethings off.

"Ben..." He says hoping he's in me somewhere.

Keep it together Kylo come on.

"Ben is dead, I killed him" trying to convince myself as well as him.

"No you didn't, I can see it in your eyes son, he's coming back" He's hopeful.

"Dad... I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it" I say about to give my lightsaber up.

Then Snokes voice resonates in my head again, it's a constant battle between the light and the dark, one that I'm afraid I'm growing too tired to fight anymore.

"Dad..."

"I know kid, I know, it's okay" His last words to me as my lightsaber pierces his chest and he falls over the bridge.

It's done, the guards on this ship can see to getting the prisoner back, she's not my priority, Y/n is.

I'm going through every emotion on my ride back to the finaliser, anger, sadness, guilt, fear, relief. I don't know how to feel anymore.

I head straight to the throne room to inform Snoke of my 'victory' if you can even call it that.

"My apprentice, I trust that you have completed the task at hand" He say's like he doesn't already know.

"Yes supreme leader, the job has been handled" A job I never wanted to have to do.

"But I sense there is still some light in you boy, how foolish of me, there's still too much of your fathers heart in you, young solo " He scolds me.

"I killed Han Solo. When the moment came I didn't hesitate!" I shout back at him.

"You're just a child in a mask, pathetic. Get out of my site at once!" He yells.

I leave, internally cursing Snoke. Once I reach the elevator I can't hold it back anymore, looking at my mask I take it in my hand and smash it against the elevator walls, no holding back this time, I let everything out, every sob, every scream, everything. I slide down to the floor of the elevator, my broken mask shattered around me, holding my bloodied hand and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

Everything is...

Fucked.