30 Days of Love

I'm Going to Die

Joanna's POV 

Starting this past Wednesday, the walls of my hatred-filled home, have begun to close in on me, trapping me inside. In there, I'm a prisoner and the guards are mama, papa, and Luis, looking over me every second, afraid that I might go wild, become savage. That I'm the one that's done a crime. Like I'm the one spreading lies, not making sense.

And with each passing minute, I spend in there, rewinding the moment over and over again, trying to make sense out of why mama would lie to me or how Luis would let me believe them, I feel as if I'm going to explode. A bomb whose time is dialing down fast.

I need to escape. I have to get away from mama and papa, take a moment to run away from my brain, diminish the thoughts that suffocate me.

And as usual, I call Rylie, Willa, and Carson- my three best friends, asking them to meet at our go-to place, the place where we go to talk about everything and anything.

But while I sit inside the algae color booth of the diner, I keep silent. Hiding in the dryness of my mouth, the marriage, and the tradition stay, lying on my tongue, ready to spit out at any second, because, in the end, I know neither of them will understand, including my cousin, Carson.

What sounds like someone talking in the distance, is only Carson, sitting beside me."What's wrong?" he asks. In the corner of my eye, his olive hand, the same shade as mine, wraps around his glass as he takes a drink from the strawberry milkshake.

"Nothing," I lie, staring at my drink that slowly melts in front of me.

Water fills my eyes while I zone in and out, drowning in my thoughts until Rylie takes the initiative to wave her hand across my face.

I blink away the tears, my attention being set on her instead of my drink, as she puts her fair hand underneath the table, onto her lap.

"You were zoning out. Is everything alright?" she questions, her brown eyes staring into mine as if she's trying to find answers that will never be told.

I shake my head. "I'm fine, just waiting for the food," I beg inside for everyone to believe me. But it wasn't enough, they all continue to glare at me, while Rylie continues to bite at my neck with questions.

"Jo, the food has been sitting beside you for almost twenty minutes. What's going on?"

Rylie's right. To my left are my burger and fries that I ordered; a meal I always get when here. Yet this time, the more I watch the grease that drips from the burger, the more I don't want to eat it.

I feel sick to my stomach, only wanting to leave the diner crowded by people that are closing in on me. "I-I'm fine. L-let's just leave, okay?"

Their eyes focus on mine, their faces revealing their undying concern. My behavior is abnormal and everyone sees it, including me.

"What about your food?" Carson questions. "Are you going to eat it?"

I fidget with my undid nails, feeling the pressure of eyes hunting me down, waiting for me to mess up. "No, I'm not. I'm going to just take it home."

"Joanna! You have never denied food in your life, what's going on?" Willa commands, her thick eyebrows rising.

At this moment, it doesn't matter whether my anger is upon my weight or their nonstop questions. All that matters is I've had enough and the feeling of red fire burns inside me, through the tips of my veins until it reaches my mouth, where there's no way to stop it. "And that's supposed to be a good thing! Look at me, I'm the biggest person in the room!"