30 Days of Love

Bachelor Party

Liam's POV 

The house is in party mode, with guests dancing- the majority have no idea this is a bachelor party-, lights flashing, and virgin drinks being served, though I'm in the opposite mode.

My brain is a wreck, thinking about all the possible things that can go wrong tomorrow: what if Jo decides she will run away? How will Haven and Zara take that, will they ever be able to forgive me? How will mom and dad deal with the loss of another child? Will it be so heartwrenching that they won't be able to survive?

"Come on man this is your party, enjoy it!"

I shake my head, looking up at Pat. "How can I enjoy this party when all I can think about is if Jo will leave me?"

The weight of the couch shifts as Pat sits down beside me, placing his virgin margarita on the coffee table before his blue eyes look into mine with understanding held behind them.

I don't have to explain why the thought of Jo leaving scares me; it has nothing to do with my love for her, but everything to do with the love I have for my family.

When Jace left, it was a shock for my entire family; none of us thought that something as traumatic as that could occur to us.

It's rare for someone in this tradition to run away or to object to the wedding, so the fact that my brother did, was surprising. So surprising that both mom and dad taught me at a very young age that choosing the right person is one of the most important things in life; they were so fearful that something like that would occur again, that they taught me about the tradition at the age of six and taught both Zara and Haven about it at the same age, though neither of them understood it.

I know I didn't make the wrong choice, as Jace did. I know that the woman I chose to marry won't be a completely different person like the one Jace chose.

I know that I won't have to worry about being rejected all over again; a pain so unbearable that I would have to live with my grandpa during the summer- the season where all the weddings occur- like Jace or eventually decide that living there would be best not only for myself but for my family as well.

That story, Pat's known since the first day he found me in the bathroom. That day I was suffocated by the toxicity of my life; the loneliness of living without my best friend, the shame of my family weighing on my shoulders merely because I became a robot- hiding every feeling that lived within me because it was "wrong" to show emotions when I was a child, told by those who are my classmates-, and the pressure of not repeating history, all formed into an acid-filled cloud, choking me until it took every breath out of me, in which I couldn't handle it any longer.

However, what I do have to worry about is if Jo backs out of the marriage. If something happens today that changes her entire view on everything. If somehow she overthinks the marriage, the trauma of her past will be so powerful, blocking out every logical sense about me, that she decides that marrying me will be the best thing for her.

If that happens, not only will she get disowned by her family, but I will be from mine; I will never be able to see my grandparents, my uncles, my aunts, or cousins. And with the guilt of hurting my parents and sisters the way that Jace hurt them, I know I wouldn't be able to see them either.

"W-well doesn't she know what will happen if you two don't get married?"

"She doesn't care, Pat." I sigh, cupping my shaking hands into two fists, digging my nails into my skin, trying to stop the earthquake trembling inside them. "Joanna would rather live a life without her family than be forced to do anything. That's the way she is," I mention.

"Do you truly think she'd run away?"

I think about Pat's answer, letting the question replay in my mind, forming an answer upon itself.

A life without Jo is a life I don't want to be a part of. A life without Jo is a life I can't live.

This month, I've grown attached, I've fallen in love with her. For the first time, I am in love, and the thought of that disappearing makes my stomach ache.

I'd do anything for her. I think and with that thought, I come up with an answer.

"I don't know," I say. "I can't read her mind, I can't make that choice for her. But what I can do, and what I will do, is follow her wherever she may go. If she chooses to run away, I will follow her. If she marries me, I will spend a lifetime loving her with everything I have. That is what love is, love is defined by what you're willing to do, and I am willing to die for Jo."