Camren one shots

faith and gamble

camila's pov

i could feel it; my pulse was racing, running through every vein in my body, i knew it was beating; i knew it was beating fast. i rushed to the bedroom and placed myself upon the floor, i started to envision my life, my life with, my life without. weighing the differences, a pro's and con's list rested beside my head as i rested it back onto the floor. shutting my eyes, dreaming, imagining, picturing. what a beautiful scene, caped in flowers, roses to be specific, scattered across the pearl coloured grass, the contrast of the red being unnatural to its surroundings. i took a snapshot to add to my memory box and sat up.

flashback

i heard the doorbell ring; i shot up from the floor. flying down the stairs as i rushed to get it open. there she was, standing tall, in front of me, holding a bag full of goodies, my goodies i was guessing. Lauren never brought me anything out of the blue home to me, especially not in a brown bag from a convenient store on her way back from work. she always said she never had the time to stop during the day before coming to spend time with me until she had to leave to arrive back at her own house. it was in that moment i uncovered the meaning behind her surprise visiting. she loved me.

i opened the door wider, to let her in. she gave me the bag as i went scavenging to find what was inside. ice-cream, chocolate, candy, ice-tea, fluffy banana socks, a pack of bananas themselves and two spoons. my jaw dropping as i was taken away by the luxury she brought to me. i hugged her; i stared up at her - i stared into her piercing green eyes, i could see the specks of the different shades shining brighter due to the reflection of sunlight beaming through the window, she stared back. breaking away from our hug, we both gave of an impression of joy and bubbliness. she made me happy; i liked her company - something was different, abnormal to any other day she would visit me. she was a changed woman. i soon started to realise her acts of kindness were not of that at all but an act of sorrow, feelings filling up her insides with guilt, conveying her mistake.

i was young - i was really young when i first met lauren.

i hadn't known the idea of love until i met lauren. she made me feel special; she made me feel vulnerable - but, i guess that's what love is, right? an act - an act of gamble, an act of faith, to surrender? i gave myself up to her. total abandonment - i gave myself - for her. i took lauren as an opportunity to learn, to learn from god, to learn about myself, to learn about the world around me, the people in it, my surroundings. i fell in love. that was supposed to be gods plan from the beginning, yes? if not - what did i just let myself get into, what am i going to do to get out of it?

hurt by her: my heart sank, drowning in pain and disbelief.

she cheated on me. lauren cheated on me.

it resulted in an argument. i couldn't believe she treated me like that, going behind my back, and for what? to feel something? to hurt me? to break me? i opened the door as i stared down at the floor; i couldn't look at her. she left slamming the door. i tan up the stairs and cried into my pillow.

flashback over

i wondered how crazy it was, falling. to fall in love with someone was within itself a crazy thing to do. we don't say rising into love for a reason purely because of thekedar of the act of falling to begin with, to do with the curiosity of the creation, and the falling as being the condition to life. i gave myself up: i let lauren take me, do anything she wanted with me. i let everything, all of it, get out of control. realistically, all sensible people keep things in control. i acted in a sense of foolishness; i made a mockery of myself. a joke.

lauren was the last time i fell in love again.