When pieces fall into place

Chapter 1

“It’s not you. It’s me.”

That was the last words he told me before he turned his back on me and walked away. It was so cliche. Bakit ganun? We’ve been together for a year and a half tapos tatapusin na lang niya yun ng ganito.

Masakit. First boyfriend. First heartbreak. What did I do wrong? Why am I not enough? he left me and he took my heart with him.

“Den, kain na. Kagabi pa yung last meal mo tapos kaunti lang kinain mo.” I was taken out of my reverie when Alyssa entered the room with a tray of food. Siya pala ang nakatoka ngayon na alagaan ako. I didn’t respond. Instead I turned my back on her and closed my eyes.

“Please. Magkakasakit ka kapag pinabayaan mo ang sarili mo.”

“Hindi ako gutom. Matutulog ako. Just leave it, maya ko na lang kainin.” All I wanted is to be left alone.

“I understand that your hurt. We let you grieve but it’s been a week. At some point you have to get yourself together. Matalino ka Den, huwag mong hayaang masira ang buhay mo dahil lang sa isang lalaki.”

“You don’t know anything. You don’t know him. You don’t know us, kaya wala kang karapatang magsalita ng kung anu-ano. Why don’t you just leave me alone.”

I don’t need her lectures. Hindi niya naiintindihan ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

“Siguro nga hindi ko siya ganun kakilala. Kayo lang ang lubos na nakakaalam ng buong kwento niyo. Pero alam ko na ayokong nakikita kang ganyan. I know that your better than this.” I can hear the frustration in her voice. She’s pleading. At the back of my mind alam kong tama siya kaya lalo akong nainis sa kanya, sa sarili ko at sa sitwasyon. So I lashed out.

“Ang saya mo siguro ngayon no? Na wala na kami. Siguro gabi-gabi kang nagdadasal na magbreak na kami. Congratulations! Wish Granted!”

“What the hell Den?!”

“Oh come on, we both know that you’re still in love with me so don’t act like your saddened that Myco and I are through.”

I continued ranting, taking out all my frustrations on her. “Is this your plan? You’ll comfort me and wait for me to fall for you? Take advantage of my emotional state?”

I immediately regret saying those words when I looked at her. Nasaktan ko siya.

“Wow. Just fucking WOW. I didn’t know ganyan pala ang tingin mo sakin. You’re right. I’m still in love with you. But that’s the same reason kung bakit hindi ko magawang maging masaya ngayong wala na kayo. Dahil masakit din sakin na nakikita kang nasasaktan. Kahit kailan hindi ko hiniling na masaktan ka o palitan siya. All I wanted is for you to allow us, YOUR FRIENDS, to help you and for you to help yourself. Nagmamalasakit lang ako, not because may hidden agenda ako, but because I care.”

She then left me after saying those words. I was filled with guilt. I didn’t really mean what I said. Ginawa ko siyang punching bag. Siya ang napagbalingan ko ng galit.

Alyssa had always been good to me. We are teammates and good friends. Nagtapat siya sa akin ng feelings niya a few months after we met. But at that time one month na kami ni Myco.

Flashback

From: Alyssa

Den, punta ka dito sa rooftop, usap naman tayo.

Mukhang seryoso si Ly, wala man lang smiley yung text niya. Ayos naman siya kanina, nakasmile pa rin naman. May problema kaya yun?

To: Alyssa

May problema ba? Gusto mo isama ko si Ella para mas marami ka karamay?

From: Alyssa

No, just you. Please.