When I got home, I grabbed the mail and laid it down on the table. I walked into the bathroom, and took off my shirt. I turned around to inspect my body in the mirror, when I seen a small mark where it looked like my bone didn't heal right. So now its final, Mark didn't just leave mental, but now physical damage on me. My eyes slowly moved back up my body until they met my eyes. I looked deep into them. I could see the pain, I could see the sadness, and sorrow, and the abandonment. I took a deep breath and shed off my clothes. I turned the shower on and climbed in. That is where I did my crying. Every since I was little, I would cry in the shower. The shower is where I felt I was getting all my shame, and sins washed off. I would shed my tears in there, to be cleaned after. When I got out, I didn't feel better, but I didn't feel worse. Like always, I felt the same. I walked into the bedroom, and got dressed. Like every evening, I climbed into bed, and laid there for hours looking at the wall. Absolutely nothing running through my mind, everything was still. After about 2 hours, my stomach started to grumble. I climbed out of bed, and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed a tv dinner from the freezer and put it in the microwave. I sat at the table and started to look through the mail. I noticed that the doctor mailed me a letter.
The letter simply gave me more information on the program, like the guidelines. This is the 4th letter he has sent me in the past 2 months. I walked over to the stand next to the refrigerator and added the letter to the pile. It almost seemed that he wanted to help me bad. Honestly I don't know if I want help. Im scared to be anything than I am now. Normal. Ive been mentally ill for so long, that i dont know if i can make it being what everyone considers 'normal.'
After I finished eating I walked over across the street to a shack I have. Inside that shack is where I spend most of my time. I have what I consider a little art studio. I like to drawl, scapt, paint, and that includes my pictures. I dont share my work with anyone. I dont think anyone would like it.
I walked over to my stool and sat down. I was currently working on a picture of single tree. This wasnt any ordinaly tree, but a special one. It was a tree that I would visit in my dreams. I called it the 'believe' tree. In my dreams I could control what happened. When I would visit that tree, I could see my dad. I would actully smile for once. When I woke up though, my mood would quickly fade. Knowing that I could not be with my father in reality, and just realizing that I could not be happy, distroided me inside. I would beat myself up and I would blame myself for everything and anything. I remember when I was visiting the tree one day, and I seen my mom, dad, me and my brother. We were having lunch under the tree. We were all happy, and we were all together. I liked it like that. The tree was my escape from anything and everything.
The tree was one of the best things I had in my life, even though it wasn't real. I added a few more details to the picture and stood up. As I looked down at the work, I noticed a carving in the tree. In all honesty I didn't even remember writing it in the tree. I couldn't tell what it clearly said, so I walked over and grabbed a magnifine glass. I held it up to the work and looked through it. "Love" It said love. Which now leads me to the conclusion, 'What is love?'
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A life worth saving
Teen FictionI just try so hard to forget about the past, but it somehow catches up with me. I try and try to shove all my memories to the back of my mind, however. It comes right back. "Why" I cry out. The senery started to spin and I come back to reality. I wa...
