Split Personas

𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕹𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖙𝖊𝖊𝖓

Holy shit.

I'm kissing him.

This is happening.

Wow. 

This doesn't feel that ba- wait i need to snap out of this.

I felt his hand pull away and I finally looked up at him and we stared at each other for a while. His eyes were auburn color and I can see my reflection in them. I want to kiss him again. I took my hand and placed it on his cheek however he grabbed my hand and placed my keys on my palm. I looked at him confused however the only expression he had was a small smile. He walked away and I was left awe struck and a little dissapointed. I stared at my keys and the realization flooded through my head that I was going to be late. Fuck. 

I quickly unlocked my car and got in. As I drove towards my college my head was pounding. 

I kissed him.

He kissed me.

I want to kiss him again.

What is this?

I wasn't sure of my feelings. He's an asshole, and he wants to take my fathers empire. I need to control myself. I can't be caught up with the likes of him. I need to stick with my plan.

I soon arrived on campus and I rushed to my class, praying that the professor wouldn't notice. As soon as I made it to the door, I quietly entered the lecture hall and walked to the back. Thankfully the professor didn't notice and I listened to the rest of the lecture while taking notes as well. The lecture ended a little later than expected, and my next class is in the afternoon so I decided to go out for lunch by myself. However, when I walked to my car I noticed a black Camaro blocking my car. I instantly grew annoyed and looked around to see if I can find the owner or the car. I walked a little closer and there in the car was Audrey and Kyle.

Jesus, can't I get a break.

I quickly made a mad dash in the other direction however they caught up to me.

"Nadine let's go and get some food," Audrey said hurriedly.

"No thanks I lost my appetite as soon as I saw your faces."

"I'll pay for you," Kyle said.

"Nope, I can perfectly pay for my own meal, thank you very much." How dare they-

"We're going to In-n-out!" Audrey said.

Hm.

To be honest, I don't know what happened, but I found myself inside the Camaro stuffing myself with a double double. Even though they were trying to make conversation, I simply ignored them the whole time. At some point I did feel a little bad because they were making an effort. After we finished I asked them to bring me back to my car and they obliged. 

"Nadine before you go, can we talk," Audrey said. She sounded nervous. I thought about it for a second. Do I want to trust them again or is this also James ploy to get me to push down my defenses?

"I want to forgive you, but I'm in a situation where trust can be life or death for me. I can't simply let people whom I trusted back into my life again. James is my enemy, so are you." I quickly left the car. I was getting too emotionally involved. This isn't good for me. I need to get out of here. I soon got into my car and left them behind. I didn't want to go back to that house. I'm scared i'll see him again. After that kiss I just want to dig myself a hole and stay there. 

As I drove I looked at my life and how miserable it was. I've never grown up with a mother, and the father figure I have is an absolute asshole. I never had a regular childhood, and I grew up like this. The money and power is just bullshit. I hate it. The responsibility, the mask I have to put on just to stay alive, and the loneliness of it all, hurts. I can't make friends, nor keep the ones I have. In the end I'm forever alone and by myself. This arranged marriage just makes everything worse for now. Why would my father ever agree to this, I thought he would see pass James intentions and reject it. Now I'm stuck in a loveless marriage. I hate him. 

I looked around and realized I stopped on a cliff. I got out of my car and looked over to see the beach. I looked over towards the ocean. How easy would it be to just sail away. To be a completely different person. I looked down and saw the waves crashing into the rocks down below. Chaos. Pure chaos in contrast to the pure calm world ahead. In my defense, it was beautiful. How the waves formed their own shape, as if it was dancing. I didn't feel like going to my classes at this point. Nor did I feel like doing anything. So I just sat there, staring at the water. I don't know how long I stayed there. I didn't realize how dark it had become till I looked behind me and saw a pair of headlights shining down on my figure.