Crystal Memories (Yuzuru Hanyu One-shots based on lyrics)

(Yuzusho) Tokyo Teddy Bear--Pt. 1

Song used: Tokyo Teddy Bear(東京テディベア) by Neru feat. Kagamine Rin

TW: suicide/ blood

Time setting: after 2019 World Championships short program

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Shoma's PoV

Mom, Dad, I'm sorry for everything
My knees are shaking and I'm sucking my thumb
Brother, Sister, I'll see you later
I stomp down the heels of my unfashionable shoes

-

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

But I can't bear this anymore.

Dad, mum, Itsuki, I'm sorry.

I'm too tired with all the drama.

I slowly removed my shoes, wincing upon my aching heels.

-

I'll make a ridiculously-sized pattern for it
Anything will do, as long as it serves as a replacement

The words "I want to be loved" tumbled from my mouth
I'll find some tougher scissors
To cut out the face

-

I turned on my phone again.

Though I know what I'm going to face.

Hate again.

All kinds of hate.

Especially after I've screwed up my short program today, on such a big stage of Worlds.

Every time I login, hoping for just a bit of love, but every time I come back with more hate and wounds.

I've desperately wanted one, but after all no one can help me block of of these.

I want someone to shelter me from all the drowning hate, but I don't want to drag anyone in.

I'm a mess.

I gripped my Teddy bear tight.

Can I have a replacement, so I can be free?

If I fit my face on this Teddy bear, can I be free?

-

C'mon, let me hear some words of wisdom
Tell me I don't need anything but my brain;
Why not? I don't know

Near-future creation; tomorrow's wounds; just shake it
Please fill in the gaps in my seams

-

A message popped up.

It's Yuzuru.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"It wasn't bad, actually."

It was.

This is just his usual impeccable manners.

I screwed the whole program up.

I shouldn't have represented Japan here.

I'm just ashaming myself.

"Thanks."

I turned off my phone and lay down on the bed, burying myself in the blankets and pillows.