These are from my notes app. Enjoy.
Making deletes deletion
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The only reason why almond milk is called almond milk is because nobody could keep a straight face while saying "nut juice"
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police is both a noun and a verb, therefore police police police is a grammatically correct sentence
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a pizza is a realtime pie chart of how much pizza is left
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I dont give two flying fucks if anyone has anything to say about my gayness, they can suck my skittles flavoured asshole. Taste the rainbow bitch.
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I have had one hour of sleep, one grape, two shots of gin, and I am ready to either fight god or die trying
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Physically I am here but emotionally I am lying face down in a puddle somewhere.
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Nothing is something
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English is like french but less french
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If I could describe myself in one sentence it would be that I'm always either 5 seconds away from an orgasm or killing myself
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Spiders are the only web developers in the world that like finding bugs
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Is flying just falling in style?
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Bologna is just hot dog pancakes
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Lesbians are just dick vegans
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If you're going through hell at least act like you own the place
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You're panicking at the wrong disco
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The universe is as mad as a bucket of coked up ferrets.
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You often smell inexplicably of pickles.
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Throw me! I consent!
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Why does arson give off so many gay vibes 🏳️🌈
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Tongue punch my fart box
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good music sounds like a place you can never go back to
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I would look into your soul but I've already devoured it
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I have a natural talent for being irrational
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Looking for trouble, and if I cannot find it, I will create it.
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Doing smart stuff in the stupidest ways possible.
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Uno brings out the sadist in everyone.
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Why play the game if you can play the people?
