Only Saints

« xviii. »

If anyone notices the dark circles like bruises under my eyes, they don't say anything. I catch a worried look on Aunt Etta's face when she glances at me, but that's the extent of anyone wasting their time on my wellbeing. I duck my head and pull my hair down over my face and focus on the bowl of sweetened oatmeal in front of me, begging it for something like energy to get me through the day.

Finally, Florie touches my shoulder when she walks past to throw her paper bowl in the trash, and she whispers, "You okay?"

I nod. It's all I can do.

She gestures for me to follow her. I gladly abandon my breakfast and join her in the kitchen, digging under the sink for the cat food. Judgment winds through my legs, Empress and Priestess waiting patiently by the refrigerator door, as Florie pulls cleaning supplies out to reach the cans of wet food they get as treats.

"Did you sleep last night?"

I shake my head. I was up until the sun rose, and by the time I limped back into Old Mère's trailer, I was soaked and bedraggled. I had peeled my clothes off to jump in a hot shower, and even then I could barely stand the feeling of water hitting my skin. It was like standing in a fire. It was like standing in a hailstorm. It was like standing under the rain, trying to move a creek that stayed stubbornly exactly where it was.

Florie gives me an exasperated look. "Why not?" she demands under her breath. She doesn't want Aunt Etta to hear any more than I do. At least everyone else is chatting in the living room, holding three different conversations—about med school, between Drew and Melody, who had expressed interest; about video games, between Vin and Erica and my mother, who listened politely to everything; about craft, veering dangerously close to witchcraft, between my aunts.

"I just...couldn't."

Can't I come up with a better lie than that?

"You're going to be so dead today." Florie laughs, just a little, and hands me one of the cans of cat food. "You said Drew is going into town, right?"

I toss the can between my hands, weighing and balancing it to keep myself centered. "Maybe. That's what he said."

"You should ask him to get you a coffee or something. You're going to need it."

I haven't had coffee in a while. And my head is threatening to ache. And I could probably use the pick-me-up.

But I can't ask Drew for that. Not when I'm basically kicking him out for the day—not when that would bring him back, and make it that much more dangerous for me, because then he would for sure find out about the spellweaving. Then he would for sure find out about the craft.

"I'll be fine," I mumble.

Florie fishes the cat food bowls down from the shelf where they're kept. She hands one of them to me, and even in the way she tosses her hair over her shoulder when she turns away, I know she doesn't believe me.

"Empress," she coos, cracking open one small can and pouring the food into the first bowl. It's chunks, not pate—I hate chunks. They look terrible, and they smell worse, but I guess the cats don't mind. As soon as Florie sets the bowl down on the ground, Empress is going hog wild on it, chomping away at the pieces of processed pseudo-meat. "Priestess, come here, baby."

I follow suit and pour a can out for Judgment. When I kneel to set his bowl down in front of him, he headbutts my arm and nearly knocks me over. This big-ass cat really thinks he's as small as four-pound Priestess, and as tired as I am, I don't stand a chance at keeping my balance. Instead I sit on my ass and push the bowl in front of him.

When he digs in, that's my only real chance to scratch him behind the ears. Judgment isn't an affectionate cat as much as he is a beggar. If there's no food, he's not interested; the only time I get to pet him is when he's eating. He makes a little noise and starts purring, arching his body up into my hand as I stroke the thick muscle that drapes over his body. I have no idea what kind of cat he's supposed to be, but he has to be at least half bobcat, because there's no other way he could be this big without wild cat blood in him.