Shrek x reader(kinda)

Chapter 1

y/n POV

Hi, my name is y/n. I just finished 8th grade and I still don't know my age or how to ride a bike. I know I know, how doesn't an 8th grader know how to ride a bike? Well you see, my dad has been buying milk for 30 years and my mom doesn't know how to ride a bike either. Currently I'm walking in a forest with my best friend, I've heard the locals talking about a green monster called 'Shrek'. I'm here to find the green boy but I have had no luck, my friend on the other hand saw Spongebob and got his number. Lucky bword. If only I could find love.. *crack*  wait what's that?

Shrek POV

I heard talking and giggling from the forest, must've been the homo sapiens thinking they're brave enough to kill me. I followed the sounds to see who and what they were doing in my swamp. Oh, just a teenage girl and Peppa. *BIG SNIFF* Ah, the girl just finished 8th grade, blood type *insert your blood type*, zodiac sign is *insert your zodiac sign*, oh, she's also very flat. Smells like a good woman, I'll take a look at her. OH NO SHE'S HOT. I must get her.

I'm walking back to my swamp so I can get my van, but then I suddenly realised. "wow, I'm creepy as heck." I don't want to be a creepy old man so I guess I have to talk with her but here's the problem, I'm a very big introvert and I still miss my wife. 'But Shrek, she's perfect. Forget about Fiona and get her!' Oh no, the voices 'Don't listen to him Shrek! Kidnap her and trade her for your wife:)' "Hmmmm, I could try to do that.."

y/n POV

I look back to see if Peppa made the noise but she's gone. "Peppa?" I  yell out "Peppa, come out this isn't funny. You know I'm scared of being alone!" I shout for her to come out a few more tries but she's nowhere. I start walking back the same way I think we came from. Ah crap, this is the wrong way. "This is what I get for eating bacon," I think out loud "I'm sorry Peppa, but you wanted to be a skinny queen!"

I've been walking for hours, the sun is starting to set and I still haven't found Peppa. I decide to take a small break and sit down. I look up in the sky "It's a bird, it's a plane!" No, it can't be. It's the godesses themselves! Blackpink! I start yelling the lyrics of Guren No Yumiya but then I remember that it's the 25th ending of Hunter x Hunter and watched Blackpink float back to 🇹 🇭 🇪  🇧 🇦 🇸 🇪 🇲 🇪 🇳 🇹 🇴 🇫 🇾 🇬 🇪 🇳 🇹 🇪 🇷 🇹 🇦 🇮 🇳 🇲 🇪 🇳 🇹 .

I hear a crack noise again and look behind me. There's no one there. "Strange.." I turn my head back and see a giant dark figure in front of me. "You are, my fire." the dark figure started singing. Backstreet boys? They sing the next few lines then yell "TELL ME WHY!" and knock me out with a donkey.

A/N: So, how was it? I hope it wasn't too cringe or weird. The next chapter is probably gonna come on Friday. I don't know why I'm making author notes for basically no one. Aigt Imma head out, bye baddies!