꧁Iʂʅαɳԃ Iɳ Tԋҽ Sυɳ / Iɱαɠιɳҽʂ꧂

Dear JJ

ᴳⁱᶠ ᶜʳᵉᵈⁱᵗˢ ᵗᵒ ʷʰᵒᵐ ⁱᵗ ᵇᵉˡᵒⁿᵍˢ

ˏ 𓏧 𓏲 𓏲 𓏲 𓋒 𓏲 𓏲 𓏲 𓏲 𓏧 ˎ

Dear JJ,

It took me a lot of strength, courage, and time to write this letter; I was afraid my hand wouldn't be able to write without getting out of control, without getting weak. But here we are and there's no going back now, I offer you an apology if my emotions might be too deep, too overwhelming, I just have to get some things out of my chest.

I don't even know what to tell you, there's just so much... I mean, there are not enough words to describe all the pain, the cocktail of emotions that I carry, but I'll try.

"JJ" you know? Your name is like a twisted phrase, before everything it used to cause me joy and excitement, now all I can remember of it is regret and guilt.

When I was little, I used to think that love wasn't real, it was just some sort of fake illusion your mind created, now I understand the complexity of the word goes beyond the limits of the ordinary. When people ask me if I liked you, I would always say "no" because I didn't like you, my feelings for you are a little more profound.

I think you deserve an explanation for all my actions during the time we shared this feeling. I wish you could forgive me for forcing things, for getting my hopes up, for misinterpreting the signs, and for suffering all of the above. I forced things that 30 of November, I got my hopes up the day of my birthday party, I misinterpreted the "Could it be me?" from that maths class, I suffered the last day of school, I suffered all the actions Kiara did, I suffered when I accepted the idea that you didn't like me, I suffered the story my cousin told me where you told him that you liked me and I cracked my head thinking "Why?" why would you say that? I suffered during that English presentation when you planted your hand against a wall, placed your face in front of mine, and whispered to my ear a simple order from the teacher.

But I must admit that not everything was bad, I also got happy for other things. I got happy when we talked for the first time, when I borrowed one of your bracelets, when you hugged me while I was crying and you grabbed my face to tell me you believed in me, when you told me "I'm kidding, I care about you" while putting our hands together, whenever I called you "Bob Williams" and you would smile.

I wished you would also ask for my forgiveness when you asked Kiara to touch you in front of me so I would stay away or when you kissed Monica and you couldn't even look me in the eye because you knew it would happen, you even said it out loud. I wished you could explain to me why did you tell my cousin that you liked me and you didn't tell me, or maybe you didn't but then, why would you do that? I think deep down I still know I deserve an explanation, but I'm not gonna ask you for one.

When I saw you today I tried to fool myself thinking I didn't have feelings for you, but I do and it still hurts like hell, it makes me feel miserable as if someone just stabbed me in my heart, it burns. The moment I saw you everything came back in less than a second. I just think that it's so fucking stupid the fact that in so many goddamn months I haven't been able to be over you and I don't know why.

JJ, you're the first person I've ever loved this way and it hurts to admit it, but it's true because I didn't just love your looks, I loved your jokes, your personality, your confidence, your heart because you may be a dumbass, but least you're a dumbass with a big heart and I'm sure that when a girl owns it, she'll be the luckiest girl alive.

I hope that someday when we see each other again, I'll be able to put it all behind me as you've always done, I hope we can laugh, tease, talk to each other; I heard you're going to Yoko's party so maybe you'll dance with me after all, until then I wish you nothing but the best in everything you do.

Sincerely yours

Penelope.

Ik it's short, but I promise you the next part will be better

Btw, this was all based on a letter I never got to deliver to someone so if you want me maybe make a few chapters getting more in detail about anything I mentioned here, please let me know