my heartbreak

why

why

why can't I get pass you, my heart doesn't want to stop wanting you, it breaks when you talk to another but can do nothing about it. I can feel the pain swelling up inside me, my heart clenching in pain as you look right past me.. Why can't you look at me and see me for the beautiful person I am.. instead you grind my self esteem into the ground, making sure I doubt everything about me...

Sadness surrounds me and swallows me whole.. I try to find another but you seem to have taken a part of me, a part that I can't move on without... you make me question everything about me, make me want to change myself to please you.... knowing that ill never be good enough... the very core of me is ripping and tearing at the seams... my very soul is in shreds, missing pieces from past pain, instead of trying to fix the rips you make them bigger, laugh at my expense..

I can feel the very person I used to be drifting away, and fading into nothing, leaving a weak, frail person in its place... why do I give you so much power over me... why do I keep letting you hurt me... I need to let you go but I don't want to.. I'm attracted to you like a moth to a flame.. your everything I want and nothing I need... I keep fighting to stay above the pain, but as it raises, I'm losing my will to fight, wondering what it would be like if I let the pain pull me under and fully consume me... I so sick of the pain and just want it to stop.. I just want to be happy again but like the light at the end of the tunnel, my happiness seems so far out of reach...