i m n L n LGBT

Chapter 4: Laban Lang!

Yesterday was so intense and filled with a lot of roller coaster emotions that I found myself wishing that today would be a better one. Actually, kahit hindi nga better e. Kahit isa lang sa mga normal days ko. Satisfied na ko dun.

Paggising ko, text ni Sara ang tumambad sa akin: Good morning, beautiful. See you later. And a ton of texts from Pete asking kung okay lang ba ako.

Hindi ko alam kung kakabahan ako o maeexcite sa kung ano ang inihanda ni Sara para sa araw na ito. Wala talaga akong kahilig hilig sa surprises dahil ayoko na naco-caught off-guard. Gusto ko alam ko lahat ng nangyayari para kalkulado ko ang lahat ng sasabihin ko, ng reaksyon ko. Pero wala naman akong magagawa. This entirely falls on Sara’s hands.

Hay. Hindi ko pa rin sigurado kung gusto ko nga bang pumasok pagkatapos ng pangyayaring iyon. Who would want to show their face sa school after what happened? If it were up to me, I would be absent for a week, a month, maybe change schools.

Pero I owe it to Sara. Ayoko namang masayang ang pinaghirapan niya, kung ano man iyon. Isa pa,  ayokong magtagumpay ang kung sino mang gumawa nun to drive me away, kung iyon man ang goal niya. Lalaban ako. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, ika nga.

♫What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller

Doesn’t meanI'm lonely when I'm alone

What doesn't kill you makes a fighter

Footsteps even lighter

Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger

Just me, myself and I

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone♫

With that in mind, buong-tapang akong pumasok ng school. Hindi ko pinansin ang tingin ng halos lahat ng estudyante. Alam kong nagtatanong ang kanilang mga titig, kung ano pang ginagawa ko dito. Let them wonder, naisip ko. I don’t need to answer their questions and they don’t deserve my answers.

I kept playing the song “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger” in my mind hanggang marating ko ang locker ko. Wala nang bakas na may nangyari dito kahapon. Tiyak na pinatanggal na ng maintenance o ng principal, to minimize the effect. Pero sa piercing stares ng mga estudyante sa paligid ko, nobody could deny the fact na may nangyari.

Ilang minuto pa akong naghintay hanggang sa nainip na ko. Nakaloop na ang kanta sa isip ko, pero unti-unti na itong napapalitan ng worry at nagfe-fade sa tuwing sasagi sa isip ko na baka naman nakalimutan ni Sara na may surprise siya sa akin, baka hindi siya papasok ngayon, or worse, baka naman niloko niya lang ako na may surprise.

I was about to give up waiting, when I heard the collective gasp of the student body. Paglingon ko, wala nang nakatingin sa akin. Curious, sinundan ko ang tingin nila. What’s more important, than me, the victim of a terrible bullying just yesterday?

Everything became clear to me when it came into my view who everyone was staring at. Take a guess.

It was SARA.

Naglalakad siya sa hallway with her usual graceful and courageous walk. Sa t-shirt niya ay nakapinta ang mga pulang salitang “I’M GAY AND I’M PROUD.”

Nilapitan ko siya at ‘di ko mapigilang mapangiti.

“Finally!”, sabi niya, nakangiti din. “Namiss ko ‘yang ngiting ‘yan.”

I can feel my cheeks reddening.

“You want to get out of here?”

“Ha?”, tanong ko, unsure sa ibig niyang sabihin. “What do you mean?”

“I mean let’s cut our classes and spend the day having fun. Are you in?”

Never ko pang ginawa ang magcut ng classes para maglakwatsa. Usually nagkacut ako because of emergencies, which are really rare. I value my studies kasi alam kong ito lang ang meron ako, besides my drawing. But this time, it’s different. Parang I’m willing to do anything to be with Sara.

“I’m in.” Sagot  ko sa naghihintay niyang titig. Unti-unting lumiwanag ang mukha niya at nabuo ang ngiti sa kanyang mga labi. She reached for my hand, I readily gave it, and we walked together.

******

We drove to a nearby park. Pagkababa naming ng kotse, Sara held my hand again. I can see that people were staring at us. Pero wala na akong pakialam. I don’t care. Hindi ko man ma-explain ang pakiramdam ko habang magkahawak kamay kami, one thing’s for sure. I’m happy.

I stopped her midway papunta sa isang fastfood chain.

“Sara, hindi pa kita napapasalamatan sa ginawa mo kanina. Thank you. I appreciate it. Pero hindi ka ba natatakot?”

“Em, if I live my life in fear because of who I am, then my life isn’t worth living at all. Sa panahon ngayon, lahat ipinaglalaban. And if I have to fight for me to be able to live however I want, then I will. I don’t give a shit what others think.”

“I wish I have half the courage you have.”

“Well, you have me.” She held my hand again, and honestly, I felt like I do have her.