Didn't want to see him. I was scared that if i do, i won't be able to let him go. He's been my best friend for as long as i remember and knowing he'll be a star and leave Chigago isn't something i wanted.
Of course i want him to be happy but i wanted us to grow together, graduate school and college together. But this can't happen when we both want different path. I should be happy and i am trying. It's just to know the reality that he's leaving for some time is harder than what you think.
"Aren't you going to see him? He's leaving today." Mum asked again for the third time today. She knows i wanted to go.
"No, i don't want to see him." I held my tears and looked out the window where he's saying goodbye to all his family that are left behind.
He looked straight into me and smiled so i rushed myself to close the curtains. It hurts to know how much he's so good dealing at goodbyes.
"He left this when he came by and said goodbye." Mum said and gave me a letter.
I read it and began to cry just reading the first sentence.
Hey there sleepy head, i'm really gonna miss you so much. I love you.
Regret starts to haunt my head. Should i have just spend the last few weeks meeting him, going to the movies and beaches to watch sunset? Should i have gone out to say goodbye and hug him for the last time? Should i have just went and followed him to the airport?
"Do you want me to drive you to the airport?" Dad kindly asked and i instantly nodded.
Without thinking much we were on our way to the airport. I hope there is time for me to say goodbyes.
I rushed myself out and left my parents behind to find him. He should be leaving in half an hour so he should still be here. As soon as i saw his parents, i ran to them. A little panicked when i saw Johnny wasn't there.
My eyes are already swollen, all the way here i couldn't stop crying. I love him so much that losing him hurts me this much. It's too late, he's already gone. You're going to regret this all your life, y/n-ah.
"Y/n-ah what are you doing in here?" He said and i turned around.
Didn't think twice but just ran towards him and hugged him tight as he returned it.
"I love you, i really do. A-and i hope you'll do well there. Just .. don't forget about me." I tried my best and smiled.
Clearly, it didn't work. I probably look like a wreck yet he still looks at me the way he usually does. His stares goes deep, as if it hypnotize you. As if you're put under his spell.
"I love you too kiddo, i always do. I'm sorry i have to leave you like this. I'll come back, i promise." He smiled and swipe the tears away.
The announcement made it clear that he needs to go. I can't believe i'm losing him.
"I'll call you once i get there. Don't sleep yet." He ruffles my head.
And i was surprised i stayed up really late just to see him unpack. Long distance made us realize that we really do love each other more than a best friend love. We made it through the years and i didn't think we could even celebrate our fourth year even if it's virtually.
"Happy anniversary kiddo. Sorry if i can't make it home last holiday. I promise, i'll be home before your birthday." He said,
"It's okay, you're working your ass off for us so i don't mind celebrating this online." I smiled.
Over the past years, we made it through the travels and i even visited Korea a couple times just to be with him. He even did the same, going back home a couple times just to visit and stayed for the holidays.
It's just getting hard this year as he's getting busy and i really hope he can go home this year.
"You wanna sleep? You look tired." He said even if he didn't want this to stop,
"I can stay a bit longer if you need someone to accompany you eat."
"Or you can just keep it on even if you're asleep. I love seeing you fall asleep anyways." He chuckles,
"Up to you then, just don't take silly screen shots or record it." I replied.
Time has always been a problem. When the other is awake, the other is always ready to go too sleep. Although it was hard, we manage to beat it and we won.
I woke up the next day and realized that he hang up. Leaving me a message saying that he needs to go for practice. It's fine, i'm used to it. It's just these days i've been longing to see him. Longing his warm cuddles.
"Listen, dad and i have some stuff to do outside Chicago so we'll be back in the weekend." Mum explained when i went out for breakfast,
"Oh can i come? I don't wanna be lonely." I replied,
"Not this time sweetie, who else would accompany Johnny then?" Mum smiled as she points towards the living room.
I turned around to see him standing there, arms wide open for me to hug him.
"No way!" I squealed and ran towards him getting a hug.
"Hi." He said sweetly,
"H-how did you get here? I thought you'll be back just before my birthday?" I asked still feeling surreal that he's here,
"It's only a month away, i'm not wrong aren't i?"
"You're gonna stay for a month? Really?" He replied with a nod and i was beyond happy.
This might be the first time he's back in town for the longest. He's usually here two weeks by far but he's here today for a whole month.
"We'll get going now, you two have fun." My parents bid goodbyes and went out.
I still didn't believe that he's really here. Been admiring for the last hour and damn he's getting bigger. His build is bigger and his shoulder's getting wider. I knew he was constantly going to the gym but this was far from what i imagined.
"I haven't slept the whole day now and i'm really tired. You don't mind if i sleep first and then we can go out and go anywhere you want. How's that?" He implied,
"I don't even mind spending the day in bed as long as i get to cuddle you." I replied,
"That actually sounds better. I mean i got a whole month anyways." He giggled.
We didn't get too much talking since he fell asleep around my arms. I finally get to do this, getting to softly stroke his hair and kiss him all i want. I finally get to hold him in my arms again.
No matter how hard long distance relationships are, as long as we're both into it i'm sure nothing can keep us apart. Because you'll work hard for someone you truly love.
.
i love Johnny so much these days that i even had to dream about him taking me to Korea ㅠㅠ
Sadly, it's just a dream and the reality is that i might never get to see him :')
E
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- this is the kind of stare every lady should get ㅠㅠ -
