No One Else (Asa Butterfield)

Two

I was frozen. My body felt as if its blood was being drained into a hole in the ground. I was empty.

"What? What are you talking about? Everything is fine! You love me and I love you, right Miles?" I cried. His eyes were looking elsewhere, anywhere but into mine. Look at me and tell me you love me. I silently wept.

"I- I'm sorry, we just aren't compatible. Our differences are overpowering everything else." He finally responds, still looking away.

"Not compatible? Suddenly you're into astrology now? Quit talking all of this nonsense. Haven't you heard that saying opposites attract? That's what we are!" You're full of shit, I thought. I still played along.

"We are, but we are not attracting, Samara." He steps away, and I involuntarily step closer.

"Cut the bullshit, Miles. Who is she? Who is good enough for you since I'm not? Give me a name, Miles!" I snapped. He jumps a little and his eyes widen as he takes another step back.

"What did I do wrong? I love you, I care about you, I gave you everything! I should be asking what didn't I do for you?" Finally, some eye contact. His eyes bottled up with fear as they stare into mine.

"It's no one, I promise. It's not what you think. It's probably me. It is all me. None of this is your fault and you didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry."

"Can we at least talk about this? This is all just so sudden I had no idea you were feeling this way! Please Miles, I can't let you do this." I grabbed his arm, waiting for him to tell me he changed his mind and that everything was fine. He was fidgeting and giving soft pants. An anxiety attack. He's had a few of those. "Miles are you okay? Talk to me please." He placed his hands over his face and finally spoke.

"Samara I have to go back inside. Just give me a little time. Three days, and we can talk about it. How does that sound?"

Three days.

I cried hysterically on my way home. I was constantly pinching myself, hoping this was all some horrible nightmare that I was going to wake up from.

I parked my car in my garage and sobbed until I had a headache and was completely numb. I got out of my car and ran into my house. I grabbed the leftovers from the lunch Miles had brought me and stuffed it into the trash can.

My friend Maya called me shortly after. Maya Castaneda was my best friend-my only friend, perhaps. I cut ties with everyone after high school except for Maya. No matter how ugly things got in our personal lives, we always stuck around for each other.

"What happened? Did you talk to him?"

"We're done, Maya. He said we are not working out. He said he will call me in three days so we can talk about it." I sighed, holding back tears.

"I'm so sorry. I'll be right over." That was the thing about Maya, every time I was in a situation, she rushed over to be there for me.

"Don't bother. I'm going to cry it out. It's the only thing I can do."

She still came over.

"So he just, broke up with you?" Maya asked, stuffing her face with chips that she found in my kitchen cabinet.

"Yes. That's exactly what happened. It was so easy for him. It's like those two years meant nothing to him!" She pushed the bag of chips toward me, asking if I wanted some of my own chips. I shook my head no.

"Do you think he's going to call after three days?"

"I don't know. I hope so. It's the only thing I have to look forward to." I said.

"Well, I think you should just wait and see what happens. Don't even try to reach out to him. I know it's going to be hard, but at least try. Give him that space and he'll realize how much he misses you."

"Or he will realize how much better off he is without me." I sighed. I didn't know if I should take advice from Maya. She was always in a toxic relationship. "You don't know what a good relationship looks like." Her therapist once told her. She wasn't wrong. We lived in Las Vegas. Dating in east Vegas was the equivalent of going through the recycling bin. Everyone knew each other, and everyone knew at least 4 people who dated the same person.

She moved over next to me and put her arm around me. I buried my face into her neck and burst out crying. She patted my back, trying to comfort me. "It's going to be okay, Samara. Miles was no good." She kept saying.

Maya spent the night, making sure that I was okay. I lived alone, so she didn't want me to be by myself after my breakup. She fell asleep on the couch while I was wide awake, staring at the ceiling. Waves of anxiety rushing in and out of my veins. I'd panic every few seconds and check my phone, seeing if Miles had texted. He didn't. I wondered how Miles dealt with his panic attack without talking to me to help him calm down. I wondered if he was able to sleep. I wondered if he cried. I wanted him to be hurting as much as I was. If not, more than I was.

I didn't sleep at all last night. Once the clock had hit midnight, it was day one. I knew Miles wasn't going to reach out to me today. I checked his location. He was at home, and he hadn't been online on any of his social media accounts. I was hoping he was miserable. Maya had left early in the morning to get to school. She was an education major and was struggling her way through her final year before she graduated. I was happy for her. I was in school for Creative Writing. "You're wasting your time in school. Study something useful." My mother would say.

I got up to get ready for work. I hopped in the shower and cried the whole time, grateful that I lived alone so no one was able to hear me. I looked in the fogged up mirror. My face was red, eyes puffy. Perfect. I thought. I had cried enough to last me a few hours. At least until my break at work.

The library was quiet today. I sat there, watching people study, play computer games and stare into the bookshelves. I couldn't take my eyes off of the entrance. I was desperately hoping Miles would walk through the door, but he never did. I went into the bathroom and sobbed some more during my break. I didn't eat the whole day. The thought of eating anything made me gag and my anxiety was through the roof. The only text I received was from Maya, asking how I was doing, which I ignored. I checked Miles' location again, and he was at home the majority of the day. Please just call me. I whispered to myself.

I passed by Miles' house after work. It was quiet, his car was still parked in the driveway. I wanted to ring his doorbell, but I didn't want to seem like a creep. I didn't want him to block me because that meant he wasn't going to consider for us getting back together nor was I going to be able to check his location. I drove away before anyone could see me.

I didn't know how I was going to survive three days without hearing from Miles. I felt empty, like a bottomless pit. Miles did say three days, so I had to keep reminding myself that I am officially not broken up with just yet. Day one was almost over and I needed to get my mind off of things. I didn't know what else to do except cry myself into a migraine.

I turned on the TV and flipped through some channels. I started watching The Cleveland Show, which brought back some memories of when I was still in high school. I'd play that show after I got home from school so I wouldn't feel alone until my parents came home from work.

I grabbed my journal from the drawer next to my couch and flipped through the pages. I loved journaling. If my journal was ever a person, I'd have to make sure our friendship never dies because it knows too much, even some things Maya doesn't know. I turned to a blank page and stared at it for a good minute. I tried to write. I had so much to say. My pen should be flying across the page with words of sorrow and heartbreak, but I just coudn't do it. My eyes were flooded with tears. They rolled down my cheeks, some even splashed onto the blank pages of my journal. I closed it and turned my light off, checked my phone, and cried myself to sleep.