Bet On It - Chaelisa

#18

Lisa sat at the desk in her bedroom, eyes glazed over as she reread the same paragraph in her History textbook for the tenth time.

She hadn't been able to focus on anything for the past four days. Not since she received the flowers and letter from Rosé. The white violets were currently placed on the nightstand next to her bed, and although they were starting to wither, she liked the fact that they were the first things she saw when she woke up in the morning and the last thing she saw before she fell asleep at night.

Lisa hadn't gained the courage yet to respond to Rosé and the more she put it off, the more she thought about it. She couldn't get the black-eyed girl out of her mind no matter how hard she tried. Even just a text or a phone call seemed too complicated. She would never be able to express all of the emotions running through her mind.

Sighing, she ripped a clean sheet of paper out of her notebook and placed it in front of her, sliding her textbook to the side. She took a deep breath before bringing the pen to the paper.

Dear Rosé,

First off, I want to thank you for the flowers and the letter. I know how much thought you must have put into them and words could never express how much that means to me.

I would be lying if I said that I disregarded it all, because that could not be further from the truth. In all honesty, I have the flowers right next to my bed. The letter is already worn down because of how many times I pull it out each day to reread it. It all was absolutely perfect. I still can't get over the fact that you seem to know exactly what to say and do to get me to smile.

I miss having you to make me smile. I miss how you made me feel like I was beautiful and worthy of everything in the world, even though I know I'm not. No matter how much I hate to admit it sometimes, most of all, I miss being in your arms. There is nowhere I have ever felt safer than when I'm right next to you. I miss your touch, your hugs, your kisses, your stunning dark eyes, your beautiful mind. But most of all, I just miss you, Rosé.

The words you said to me at the party still run through my mind every day. I understand why you were so upset with me and that I deserved every word that you spoke to me. I understand that now. I understand that what I have done was a mistake. It was just that everything had been building up inside for so long, that when I had the opportunity to run, I took it. I was scared of getting hurt even worse in the long run, but I took the coward's way out. I didn't even let you explain. Every day I regret the decision I have made.

At the party, you mentioned Mina. She was and is an escape for me. An escape from the reality that I have put myself in. A reality that I don't want to live because it doesn't involve you. In case you were wondering, there is nothing going on between us. In her, I looked for the things that I lost with you, but I've come to realize that no one else could ever give me that. No one else can give me the hope and the love and the comfort that I never knew I was missing; all of which I found in you.

I've always prided myself in being a happy person, but then you came along and that happiness grew tenfold. Whether we were just texting, or watching a movie, or having an adventure with the girls, I was always on cloud nine because I got to create so many amazing memories with you. I've come to realize in these past few weeks that nothing can make me as happy as you can.

In your letter, you talked about the first day we met. I will always remember that day so vividly in my mind. Within the first minute of seeing you in the school hallway, I was transfixed. My stomach erupted in butterflies and my breath caught in my throat. You wrote that while holding me in the ocean that day, something seemed to click. I'm glad you felt that, too. For me, it felt like everything seemed to fall into place when I looked into your eyes. It's funny how before we even knew how important we were going to be to each other, something in us knew and something in us will always know.