When i was young i was diagnosed with ADD and i was getting distracted in class all the time so my parents put me on some medication and it made me depressed my parents didn't realize that i was depressed but every kid in my grade class bugged me and bullied me because of it and i no longer had any friends. my parents took me off the meds after a month and i was still depressed. there was one kid and he always wanted to fight me and i got beat up a lot. I came home crying everyday and my teacher always made me do community service with that kid because she thought i hit him back and started it even though i kept telling her that he hit me and i never did anything. Soon timed moved on and i was still depressed.
In grade 1 to 3 i was alone i was damaged hurt and sad still from grade 1. I wasn't very good at making friends because i never learned how to and it was hard for me to understand everything at this point because whenever i try to think back to what i learned all i can remember was a stormy day outside in the rain withthat kid ontop of me hitting me repeatedly. people picked on me for how i looked and i didn't think it was that much of a problem but apparently it was. after a while kids started making up rumors about me and then the bullying began again. I told my parents on multiple occasions of this yet no matter how hard i tried the bullying kept coming. I just learned to accept it after awhile and i learned that no matter how hard they try to hurt you you need to find a place where you can heal. I kept to myself alot and my mind went crazy from that point on without medication i kept thinking of a better life for myself where i actually have friends and where i actually have a moment to breath and look at the ocean and breath without worrying.
I hate my life because of all this damage and all the emotions i went through it was a strange life i lived.
in grade 4 i didn't talk to anyone but myself and i would always try my best just to get out of school and somewhere in life. I wished my life would give me something to look upon or do something but it never allowed me to. rumors were still there but at least no one hurt me anymore. At this point in my life i was really damaged and was really hurt and depressed i was on the edge of a cliff ready to jump. I couldn't talk because if i tried i would sound weird because i had nothing to talk about and i didn't know how to talk and make friends because from this point to grade 1 i never had a real conversation with anyone in schools that i gone to because i was too afraid of them thinking otherwize and bullying me again for it. But for some reason i just sat on the edge and i stared at the sky. i heard of cutting then but i never wanted to try it even though it sounded like it helped some people at the time my mind never focused on it probably from the a-d-d. I just sat in class and did my work go home and repeat. I always saw people talking to each other and i was hoping someone would come talk to me and no one did. i was a hopeless child and i could never do anything normally. my parents where very supportive to me though but it didn't help me much because no matter how much i talked to them it didn't ease the pain. since i didn't talk a lot and always watched i guess you can say i was a wallflower but being a wallflower isn't all that bad. I realized that i could start to see different people and how they act and i could just know someone immediately how i look at them and there posture and how i see them act. I was still depressed my head always down and never looked at the good of anything and i had killing myself in mind. being bullied for 4 years straight isn't fun nor was it easy to cope with and i used to hide in my closet and night because being on my bed made me become paranoid because of that one day in grade 1 where warren hit me on that stormy day. I used to cry at home everyday but i started to do it in class and break down. The pain no longer was being subsided by my mind and i couldn't handle it anymore. i tried everything from reading and drawing to keep my mind off of it and even games on games but i still felt empty and lost.
grade 5 was a bit better but not to much. I made one friend and i was so happy about it that i almost forgot everything. He couldn't talk so i was at an advantage and he helped me learn sign language so i can talk with him and i finally had some human interaction. That happiness did not last long though it remained at the fact that the memories were still fresh in my brain and i couldn't shake them off. So i dropped back down into depression again. Most of my life i have been quiet and never really talked and was disliked but it makes you feel empathy for others and shows you the back of the world and the whole picture instead of just a spec. the couple years after that I finally got my chance and now i think i can actually cover with my friends but i still need to recover over everything.
i write this to you because i want to help and i can i understand the way of life i understand the way people think i saved 15 people now from the brink of death and if your in need of help please pm me and i will show you how to think and what to do in order to belong on the path i was so forunate to get on
