Door's Gone, Use The Window

Voice in my Head

 I was first made aware of Kreon when I was nine.

Wait, let me tell this story in order. I first realised that I was lonely when I was nine.

More specifically, it was on my ninth birthday. I had gotten floorburn from the inflatable slide my parents rented, and nobody paid attention to the girl crying on the ground, hugging her knee. Nobody cared about the girl crying for help, even though it was said girl's birthday.

That day, I locked myself in the bathroom for the first time. I learned to hide my emotions, mask it all behind my eyes. I had my first suicidal thought.

"If I were to die, right now, would anybody care?"

Later, I learned that somebody would care. But I'm trying to tell this story in order, so that part will have to wait.

But for the very first time in my life, I felt lonely. And after that, it never went away.

Anyways, a few months after that, I was made aware of a presence. There were no words, no pictures, nothing. Just a feeling that someone was there. I ignored it, as any nine year old would do to a mysterious presence.

Even with this new presence, I was still lonely. I was less excitable, slowly becoming unreadable. By the time I turned ten, I was no longer the energetic curious gremlin I used to be. Now I was blank, apathetic, and quiet.

That was when I first started hearing the voice.

That sounds really creepy, but I can assure you, it wasn't. It was just weird. It wasn't very loud, it was just a whisper at the back of my mind. I could ignore it if I wanted to.

But I didn't. The voice told me things I didn't know. It taught me how to read super fast, it showed me new colors, it taught me a language that I immediately knew by heart, as if I had just unearthed a long forgotten memory about a song I liked when I was younger.

One day I gave the voice a name. Kreon. I gave her a form as well. She didn't like it much, and adjusted it until she was satisfied. A humanoid figure with pale alabaster skin and gray hair so dark it was nearly black. A lime jumper and blue tights with a gradient from azure blue to bright cyan, and no shoes, just socks. However, that was as human as she got. That was when she started changing her appearance from my original image.

The least noticeable yet most startling change was her eyes. They were slitted like a cat's, or a lizard's, and they constantly shifted color depending on her mood, like the rainforest dragons from the books I read. Then she gave herself white ears with a tuft of fur on the end, like a lynx, and a fluffy bright neon tail that hurt my eyes. (How was I even seeing her?) But the most dramatic change she made was the wings. Two huge, white, iridescent feathered wings, sprouting right out of her back. All these features, the stark contrast in her hair and skin, her shifting eyes, bright neon tail, and intimidating wings made her look like some sort of ethereal creature, a cryptid that my ten year old brain couldn't fully process.

I have to admit, even now I find her silhouette a bit terrifying.

After I gave her a name to answer to and a form to be seen as, her voice grew even louder in my head, to the volume where she was an actual person talking to me, not a whisper that I could ignore. And talk to me she did, teaching me even more: the multiverse theory, different worlds, how dreams work, why the sky was so full yet so empty. She told me about pollution and the evil of humanity, the wars, the murders, the kidnappings, the things I refuse to mention. One day, alone in my room, I decided to talk back.

"Kreon?"

Hello there.

"Why are you here?"

On Earth, in your head, or existing in general?

"All of them."

I do not know why I exist. It wasn't my choice. If it was my choice, I would not exist at all.

I also do not know why I am here on Earth. The most likely reason for that is because you are here.

The one question I can answer is why I am in your head. Or rather, why I am in your body.

"You mean like a parasite?"

Almost. Parasites are physical, and they feed off of the host. I am neither physical nor feeding off you. I am simply another soul, residing in your body because this universe was not kind enough to give me one of my own.

"This universe?"

Yes, this one. There are others, as I have told you. However, since this is the universe you were born in, and my soul is in your body, it means that this world, and by extension, this universe, is my home universe, and if anything were to happen to this body, I would die with you.

"As opposed to something happening to your body in another world?"

Precisely! I know that was sarcasm, but that is the truth.

"What?"

If something happened to a body in a different world, it would not affect me at all. I would simply wait for the wounds to heal and wake up.

"You have forms in other worlds?"

Not just me. If I share my power with you, you can make your own form, and travel to other worlds as well.

"How do I do that?"

Lie down on your bed, and close your eyes.

I did as Kreon said.

Listen to my voice, and when you want to say something, do not say it aloud. Think it towards me. If you do not direct the thought towards me, I will not hear it.

"Like this?"

Good job. Now follow my instructions. Get into a comfortable position, and relax your body. Go to sleep. But don't stop listening to me. Paralyze your body, but keep your mind active, like you are dreaming.

"Now what?"

Imagine a door.

And just like that, I was there. Standing, in front of the door, in my physical body, even though I was vaguely aware of my actual body in the back of my mind. The door was wooden, painted white. I was in the middle of a gray void, nothing but me and this door.

"Kreon?" I called out. No reply. She wasn't here to instruct me anymore. I had to choose to go through the door or not myself.

I took a deep breath, stepped up to the door, and put my hand on the knob and turned. I pushed open the door.

.

.

.

The door didn't budge. I smacked my hand against my forehead, pulled open the door, and stepped inside.