Don't look back || Newtmas

One

Stiles/Thomas' pov

Walking through the halls of beacon hill high school just seemed dull. Yes, I was surrounded by the pack, all my friends but it just felt dull. The world wasn't going 100mph, my mind wasn't on fire and I wasn't running for my life. It was too calm and there's nothing I could do about it, I just had to keep walking keep pretending: I'm fine, this is normal, I'm the same person but I'm not. I changed.

I got smarter, I got braver, more confident, I learned how to fight back, stand up for myself and most importantly protect people, keep them out of harms way. I took bullets, I got stabbed/stung, I killed, got others killed. I became a leader, I lead people to freedom but at what cost.

My cost was losing them, I lost my friends family. The people I'd been with for 3 years, I lost them all. That's my punishment, playing a life I no longer exists in, no longer belong in. Having to play an innocent, scared kid. I'm not, I've got more trauma than they'll ever know. Not that they will.

In all honesty I miss them. I miss Alby, Minho, Chuck, even Gally -if you can believe that- but I mainly miss Newt. I wish I'd taken that chance, taken a chance with him in the maze, the scorch and death curse. I wish we'd been more than friends, I know we both agreed that being something more could get in the way, but I wish I hadn't listened to myself to Newt and just kissed him. Kissed him in front of every one, put my middle finger up at WCKD (WICKED) and slammed my lips on to his, literally. I was too much of a coward, to scared to lose Newt as well, but I mean I lost him anyway.

"Stiles?" Scott had called me about 10 times but it still didn't register, I feel as though Thomas is more me. I prefer it, not stiles.

"Stiles," Scott again called, waving his hand in front of my face. His voice sound muffled, everyone's voices sounded muffled. Nothing was clear, it sounded as thought I was going deaf. After a few more 'stiles'' I had finally snapped out my thoughts, and replied with a simple hum.

"We're having a pack meeting at Dereks later, and you okay?" Scott was teasing me the first part, because he knows how friendly Derek and I got, before I went missing. The second part he sounded generally concerned for me. 'Put the act up' I thought to myself.

"Shut up, haha and yeah I'm good, you?" Fake laugh, fake smile, 'fake it till you make it' as they say.

"I'm alright, thanks. Me and Allison are still going strong, and come on, time for coaches class."

Time to act stupid, act like the class clown. 'Breath stiles, you can do it' I don't want to have a panic attack in class, that would just be unnecessary.

I'm walking at a slow pace to coaches class, purely because I don't want to go in, school gives me not even a week, to sort myself out, to get my head wrapped around living a normal life again -not that my life was normal before. I also had to isolate for a month, just so the FBI could run more tests on me. Make sure I've not got a tracker in me, or that I've not got any diseases.

I make it inside the room some stares, some murmurs but what do you expect. I've been gone for 5 months to them. I just disappeared. No explanation. I don't greet any one on my way to my seat, because god it was hard keeping and act up, I just wanted to leave. Go back to the safe heaven, where I felt at peace, where I was with newt and the others.

Sitting down in my seat was one of the most awkward thing I've done, stares from every corner of the room. Just like how WCKD use to keep eyes on us, me in the maze. Keeping track of our emotions, our vitals. Experimenting on us, locking us away from any contact with another human that had memories, of there life. The girls next to me were whispering to each other, about me no doubt.

'Do you recon he got raped, and was kidnapped?'

"Hmm, I'm not to sure."

Lovely that's going to start some Rumours.

Hours later classes were finally over, it was lunch time. Those classes felt longer than running the maze for a night with Minho.

I was sat around the lunch table, with the pack. I mean who else would I be with, I have no other friends (accept from the people in the glade, but they're not here with me.)

Once again the voices sound muffled, I miss the maze, I miss having fun and messing around with the other gladers, as scary as it was, I miss running the maze with Minho, I miss the trill of it all. Even if my life was on the line, it was still the best time I'd ever had. The adrenaline rush I got from it all felt amazing, and finding out that I had both flight and fight in me was shocking. I thought I'd only have flight. I also miss who I became in the trials.

I was sat there staring at my food, not really wanting to eat it, but also wanting to. It'd been so long since I had cafeteria food. I wonder if they've changed it, changed the dinner lady's? If it tastes better than the food I had in the trials?

"Stiles stop playing with your food and eat it or I will," When it come to my food if you touch, you die.  Same rules applied in the trials, everyone knew that and respected it. Not that I ate much I was to busy thinking about getting out, now I want to go back in.

"Don't. You. Dare.!" I exclaimed at Scott.

"Haha, there we go. That's better" Scott said in a laughing tone. I guess, I still had some traits that I had in the maze as I did outside it.

"What's better?" I ask in a bit of confusion.

"You've been out of it all day"

"Have I?"

I'm not surprised, I only came back to a normal like a few days ago, and I lost my soulmate. Almost twice.
I had finally started eating my food. I thought to myself 'if I just start talking then I should be fine' so that's what I did, I started talking.

"Yes" Scott said laughing still.

Word after word. They just kept flowing out of me, like I'd been silenced for eternity. Joke after joke, they were all laughing, I was laughing, maybe not completely but partly.

"So, what have you guys been up too?" I questioned the feeling I'd missed out on stuff.

"Well not much actually, we were looking for you. (Of course). Derek drove himself insane, when you weren't here,I think he has a cru-" Scott was talking but I here something that sounded familiar.

"Minho, seriously shut up, I'm not dead," that sounds an awful lot like Newt, as in the boy who I loves with every being of my body. The boy I grew close too.

I stood up because the voice came for the entrance to the cafeteria. I was staring at the door...

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Word count: 1257

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Will most likely have slow updates :)