so big // so small

it was a cold febuary afternoon. the clouds were as gray as ashes and the chilling temperatures were basically turning wilbur's sweat drips into small little ice cubes.
his arms were so unbelievably tired from carrying so many bags and putting them in the carriage the horse would be pushing as soon as they were leaving. they were taking all their belongings.

"only three more bags to go and then you're all set", philza emerged from behind wilbur a couple of feet away as he brought another bag with him. wilbur took it and loaded it onto the carriage. however, he said nothing.
both father and son stand in awkward silence.
"look, i know you're kinda angry-", philza began but got cut off.
"only KINDA angry? i am pissed, phil. and this is also the reason why we're doing this! shouldn't you be a bit sad? you don't even seem to care!"
wilbur was fuming. ever since he was born, his older sibling has always been his dad's favourite. understandable. he was technoblade after all. he was smart, good at fighting and overall just better than him. wilbur scoffed at that thought.
when tommy was born seven years later he got all the attention, but after he turned eight that attention all went to techno again and wilbur had it. and so he made the decision to move out and take tommy with him. maybe he was jealous, but maybe it also was shitty behaviour of his dad not to care about him as much as he cared about his oldest child. he was 17 now and he doesn't need his father or his attention in any way, so he moves out.

philza kept quiet, so does wilbur. after a moment of saying nothing philza starts: "i- i'm bringing the other bags".

tommy was set inside on the big couch. or maybe it was just big because he was really small? either way, he liked to imagine it was big, almost double the size of wilbur. wilbur was very big. the 10 year old was playing a game of "memorie" with his older brother and it seemed like he was winning. if that was because of his extremely good memory or because techno was letting him win is unknown.
"aaaaaand i won! haha! i beat you!" the younger cheered.
"yeah you most definitely did." techno would never admit it out loud but he had a small soft spot for his little brother.
everytime the kid was smiling his little fangs were showing and his eyes were practically sparkling, inside of them a galaxy of stars. his round cheeks were patterned with freckles. he thought it was cute, but he wouldn't ever be catched admitting it out loud. he wouldn't deny however that wilbure cared about him way more than he did himself.
"look techno! look!"
tommy had stood up and moved to the window, looking outside.
"there's a carriage! and a horse!"
"oh, really? well whoever that belongs to you probably shouldn't go outside-"
tommy was already gone to grab his jacket and boots to run outside. as he got there he saw phil bringing a bag to the carriage and wilbur loading it on. he saw how he layed a big piece of fabric over all the bags to cover them. probaply from the cold or from wetness.
"wilby!"

"oh no..", wilbur murmured to himself as he turned around to see his young brother outside. "tommy, please go back inside"
"but look, wilby! it's a horse!", the older one sighed. he knew when his little brother was interested in something there was no holding him back.
"can i sit on it? pleeeeeease. please. please. please", the kid bounced up and down, partly because of excitement and partly to keep himself warm.
"alright, but not for long, it is cold"
"yay!!"
wilbur went to tommy to pick him up and sat him on the horse. "there. happy?"
in response he got a punch of "heya"s and the clicking of tommy's tongue to get the horse to move. luckily philza stood in front of the horse and kept it from walking. after five minutes or so wilbur took tommy inside to get the last smallest belongings, such as his plushy cow he called henry and such.

in twenty minutes they were all set and got into the carriage and made their way away from home. well, it hasn't been home for both of them for a long time.

_____________

days later they arrived in what is known as the "dream smp". wilbur built both him and his little brother a place to stay for a while untill they eventually get all the recourses and tools to build a house for each of them. but now it was the evening and tommy grew tired. wilbur got him to bed, so he could finish some of the paperwork dream gave him. they would be living on the smp from now on and they needed to get registered.
"alright, now it's bedtime" wilbur threw the giggling ten year old onto the bed. he carried the kid from the dining area all the way to the bedroom and he was quite heavy. tommy was already dressed in his pajamas and had henry with him. he quickly crept under the covers and got comfortable. he looked at his brother with those big eyes that wilbur would do anything for to keep them this sparkly. in tommy's mind they were having a staring contest and he tried his hardest not to blink. when he eventually did blink (which didn't took long) wilbur snapped back into reality, he got kinda lost in thought but set his look back on tommy. the younger had a facial expression of confusion.
"oh, don't worry i was just lost in thought" he ruffled tommys hair to which the tommy let out an annoyed groan. "you know i don't like it when you do that" he tried to look mad but with those big eyes and round puffed-up cheeks he looked rather ridiculous. wilbur laughed. "i know, sorry" he wasn't sorry though. even though he teased his brother a lot of the time he loved him with his whole heart and cherished every single interaction both of them had. he run his fingers through the blonde's locks. they looked almost golden to him.
"okay, now you really have to sleep though"
at that, tommy quickly laid on his side and pulled the blanket over his head.
the brunet smiled at that and pulled the blanket a bit down so tommy could still breathe. then he stood up and headed for the door. he just stood there for a moment and wished his brother a good night. he didn't get one back tho, instead he heared a quiet "wilbur?".
immediately he started to worry because tommy's voice sounded a bit shaky.
"what is it?" he asked carefully.
"w- wilbur please don't leave" the child was now stuttering and shaking. wilbur felt an ache in his chest. he really didn't like to see his brother sad or cry. the sparkles always left his eyes when he did. he didn't like it. so he sat on the bed again and started o rub circles on the kid's back.
"shhh, what is it?" wilbur's voice was gentle and in it layed reassurance and care.
"please don't leave" tommy was sobbing at this point. he layed on his side, face pressed into the pillow and henry tightly in his arms. "i am not going to be far away, i will be just outside the room" the older petted the crying boy's head lightly. "i don't want you to go" wilbur was very confused why his brother started crying all of the sudden, so he got him to sit up and lean against him. he hugged the smaller boy and drew circles on his back with his thumbs. he started to calm down. good.
after tommy finished crying wilbur tried again "why wouldn't you want me to leave?" silence. but then..
"i miss dad. and techno. when are we going back?" his voice was quiet.
"i don't think we're going back.."
tommy left it at that.
"will they take you away too?"
"what do you mean?"
"the horses. will they take you away too?"
wilbur's heart broke at that. he would never leave his little brother. he meant the world to him and he wouldn't give him away or leave him for anything.
"no, no they're not. there are no more horses and no more carriages" he assured the boy and got under the covers of the bed. he supposed he could finish the paperwork tomorrow but right now he didn't wanna leave his sibling alone. or at all.
with tommy still in his arms he layed down to sleep and comfort the younger boy.
he wouldn't let go off tommy at all this night and it seemed like tommy had the same plans as he tried to cuddle closer to his brother. he still had tears in his eyes but when he opened his eyes the sparkles never seemed to have left. one success for the night. before both started to fall asleep wilbur kept singing sweet nothings to tommy.

"your brother isn't going anywhere."

"your brother's staying right here."

" your brother isn't going anywhere."

"WILL!"

"your brother's staying right here."

"no matter what."

"WILBUR PLEASE! CAN YOU HEAR ME?
please answear me! oh my god, you're losing a lot of blood. we need to get you out of here. wh-where's everyone? HELLO?? HELP!" tommy was crying and wilbur was losing his consciousness from minute to minute. there was no one who could help him. tommy's clothes started to soak with the red liquid as he kneeled next to his brother.
"wilbur please stay awake! i'm gonna get you out of here i promise, please just stay awake and-" he couldn't even finish his sentence. he was crying too much.

he felt a hand on his cheek and opened his eyes. wilbur was caressing his cheek. he had this look of reassurance and sadness. he smiled tho. he looked up at tommy and smiled. "you're nuts! you're absolute nuts!"  tommy yelled at him with tears still streaming down his cheeks.
"shhhh.."

"i'll be here." wilbur removed his hand from tommys face and instead went to point at tommy's chest. he started to sing.

"when the world feels too big, and you feel so small."

"wilbur i-"

"when the world feels too big.."
l'manburg was big. big and all blown up. in the bomb-opened room layed once a proud leader bleeding to his death. his right hand man right at his side. this is how wilbur was gonna die and he wasn't complaining. but the sparkles in tommy's eyes were gone, that was a con.

"and you feel so small.." he sung with his last breath. he couldn't get to finish the last note.

"when i feel so small" the voice sounded broken and shaky. that was no wonder. he was crying the whole time.

"good night, wilby.."

____________________________________

small A/N :]

hi, my name is ju (they/them or he/him) and this is my first mcyt fanfic. it's not the first fanfic ever i've written, but the last time i have written something was like,, 3 years ago maybe? mayne even 4, i dunno.
what i wanna say is: please don't be too harsh on me, i am not a writer, i am more of an artist ^^'
i also wanted to mention that english is not my first language and if something seems off or i made a spelling mistake please feel free to tell me! maybe even suggest what i could do better.

anyways, as you can tell this oneshot was inspired by "so big/so small" from the dear evan hansen musical. i changed the lyrics a bit to fit the story more. i might do more of musical inspired fanfics. but maybe i will also not, well see.

the drawing at the top is by me
i am @/bbabybrain on instagram and @/_toastr on twitter