Love Me or Leave Me.

Part 4.

Mildred woke up on the floor of their room several hours later, unsure of how she'd managed to get there. 

The sun was streaming into the room and Mildred groaned, covering her eyes as she attempted to sit up. As soon as she did this, an overwhelming wave of nausea washed over her and she got up and sprinted into the bathroom, emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet. 

Once she had finished, she slumped on the floor, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She'd never had a hangover this bad before but then again, she'd never been as drunk as she was last night. 

As she sat there, she replayed what she could remember of last night in her mind. Gwendolyn kissing her in the club, her freaking out, following Gwendolyn out of the club and then their argument. She put her head in her hands and began to cry, she was an idiot and knew that she'd blown it this time. 

Why would Gwendolyn want to be with someone as messed up as me? She thought to herself as she sobbed. She was nothing and Gwendolyn had done herself a favour by storming off last night. 

But one thing that stood out to Mildred the most was the emptiness she felt inside. Her heart physically ached because she desperately wanted to make things right with Gwendolyn again but she didn't think she ever could now. Gwendolyn was so angry last night and Mildred knew it was justifiable because she'd acted like a child. She was just so confused, she'd never felt like this in her life. Most of the time, she was just numb and emotionless - partly due to what had happened in the past and partly to do with the fact that she kept her guard up at all times. She didn't trust easily and that made it difficult to form relationships with anyone. 

She'd never been with a woman before, only boys. But that was only because she thought that was right for her and what she'd been told. 

She finally managed to pull herself together and flushed the toilet before stripping out of last nights clothes and getting into the shower. She wished that the water that felt so heavenly on her skin could heal the ache inside of her and make everything that had happened last night disappear, but it couldn't. She stood with her back to the water and leant her forehead against the tiles opposite to her. She began to cry again, unable to control the emotions rushing through her body at that moment. 

She was so messed up and she didn't deserve happiness. She'd hurt Gwendolyn like she hurt everyone else who ever cared about her. She deserved the pain, she convinced herself of this. 

Little did she know, Gwendolyn had come back to the room and could hear her wailing as she cried. Gwendolyn was shocked to hear this but decided to stay where she was, she was still too angry. 

She pushed her bed back to where it was before so it wasn't joined with Mildred's, quickly changed into some pyjamas and climbed into bed. Mildred eventually calmed down and Gwendolyn heard the shower stop. 

Minutes later, she heard the bathroom door open and closed her eyes, pretending to be asleep. She heard Mildred shuffling around as she got dressed and heard her sniffling - she was still crying and this made Gwendolyn feel slightly guilty but she was going to stand her ground. 

Mildred finished getting dressed and turned to face the beds. She stifled a sob when she saw that Gwendolyn had separated their beds. She trudged over to her own bed and climbed into it, pulling the comforter right up to her chin. "I'm sorry, Gwendolyn. I'm so sorry." She sniffled, unsure if Gwendolyn was awake but she wanted to say it regardless. 

She turned over and closed her eyes, exhausted from crying and her hangover. Maybe if she slept for a while, she could escape the pain in her heart. 

When Mildred woke up again, it was dark. She couldn't believe that she'd slept through the entire day. She sat up and looked over to Gwendolyn's side of the room and saw that she was awake, staring at the ceiling.