Night calls

Chapter 5

The next day

I smiled on my way to the café from the other day, still thinking about Eren's last call. It was kinda cute how disappointed he was when I first denied the FaceTime call. Was it so important to him? Why? He didn't know me...

I was distracted from my thoughts, when I entered the café. Since when did they serve my favorite black tea brand? I headed to the counter, ordered it and then decided to drink it here, instead of going out again. It was too cold outside to drink it on my way home as I'd do it normally.

I sat down in one of the corners of the room, next to the big window front. With my precious tea in front of me, I leaned back into the soft fabric of my seat and watched the people outside heading by.

It was still early but there was already quite a lot happening outside. For example, there was an old lady, who - at least that's what it looked like - tried to teach a young boy some manners while she almost strangled her little dog. There was a police officer eating a bunch of donuts while trying to keep them from a furious dove and so on. Well I guess it didn't matter what time it was in New York. There would always be something funny happening on the streets...

After about ten minutes I finished my tea and left the store again. God, it really was cold outside. I hurried to get home but unfortunately I met Hanji on my way. Btw, she had been the one who rang at my door yesterday. It hadn't been important, she had just wanted to talk to someone about a puppy she recently adopted. She'd named it colossal Titan and I think that explains everything. Poor thing. Anyways, when I met her now she seemed to be extremely down. Did something happen? Had the dog died already?

We walked the way to my apartment together, but she didn't want to tell me why she was so upset. „Later" she said. We arrived at my door and I opened it. „Come on in." I said and went in myself. Would it be rude if I took a shower now? Or did I have to listen to her problem first? God, I really didn't know anything about how to interact with other people. I should really go out more often...

Hanji went straight to my sofa and then proceeded to watch my every move. Ok that was scary, but I guess she wanted me to sit next to her. That meant I had to shower later... gross.

I sat down next to her and she immediately started talking.

Apparently the reason she was upset was a phone call she had had. Someone called the hotline, told her about his problems, saw that there was no help for him and then... well he didn't answer the phone anymore so he probably jumped or slit his wrist or whatever. I mean that's definitely not a good ending buuuut it's not like it's the first time someone decides to take his life even after he talked to us so I figured it was ok to just let her be.

She'd get over it.

After a while Hanji decided to leave and I could finally take that goddamn shower.

I had just turned off the water, when I heard a weird noise coming from beyond the shower curtain. I hurried to get out of the shower to answer my vibrating phone. Bevor I took the call I checked who it was. I couldn't say it was completely surprising when it showed Eren's name. I smirked and then finally answered it.

L: „ You really are impatient. It's only 10 am! What is so important to call me this early?"

E: „ Ehm yeah so first of all I already called you at 03:00 am once, sooo it's nothing new and secondly... I might have been bored..."

L: „ So ur telling me u interrupted my precious morning because the little kid that u are had no one to play with? God just how much free time do u have?"

E: „ I'm only two years younger than u..."

L: „ It's... that's not the point here."

E: „ Ok I'm sorry. Is that what u wanted to hear?"

L: „..."

Since when was Eren so confident while talking? He didn't even stutter as normally...

E: „ Sooo if I am the one with too much free time than what are u doing today?"

L: „ That's none of ur business."

E: „ Oh c'mon! It's Saturday. Bet u don't have anything to do either?"

L: „ (grrrr)"

E: „ Did u just... nevermind. What I'm trying to say is... If u don't have anything to doooo than .... we could FaceTime!!!! (very excited now)

Oh so that's why he was so happy right now. All because I said we could do that sometime, yesterday. I should have known it was a bad idea to get his hopes up high like that... But it was kinda sweet to hear him getting all excited only because he might get to see my face...

And that was also the reason I wouldn't do a FaceTime call right now. I just...didn't want to disappoint him...

E: „ L-Levi? R u still there?"

I stood with my back to the mirror while talking to him, as I would always do to avoid seeing my ugly body, but now I slowly turned to look at me.

The first thing I noticed was that I was looking...surprisingly healthy. My ribs weren't showing anymore and even though I was still pretty thin it wasn't as obvious as it used to be. Because of my daily running routine and the hours I spent at the gym I had gotten stronger and my muscles were showing. All in all it wasn't all that bad but... there were still all these scars.

My wrists were almost completely covered with thin white lines, and this continued all over my arms and tights. The moment I looked at them, everything I had so desperately tried to forget, came back. All the lonely hours in the bathroom with the bloody sink in front of me, while I was staring at the two grey spots in the mirror, which were apparently meant to be my eyes. The feeling of helplessness and the urge to add more bloody lines, only so that I could finally feel something. It was just too much. And the thought that Eren might see these.. That couldn't happen. (how would he see these? Keep calm buddy, as long as you don't plan a striptease it's highly unlikely that Eren gets to see them. Or are ya alreay planning for the future?)

I stumbled backwards till my back hit the cold surface of the wall behind me. My breathing got unsteady and the fear rose again. Was I about to get a panic attack now? Shit please no!

I was caught up in trying to calm myself down again, so I literally jumped when I heard Eren's voice. I had totally forgotten about him.

E: „ L-Levi is everything okay? I-If u don't want to see me it's fine just...p-please talk to me again."

He sounded scared. Was it... was I really that important to him?

Thanks to him distracting me I calmed down again, but it had been really close this time...

I slid down the wall till I sat on the ground and sighed. My mental health was even more damaged than I had assumed, when even looking at me almost ended in a panic attack...

Would this ever get better?

From the other side of the phone suddenly came quiet sobbs, and I realized that I hadn't answered Eren for about three minutes. Did he cry because of that?

I took a deep breath to make my voice sound normal again bevor I spoke.

L: „ Eren it's alright, calm down."

E: „ W-why didn't u answer? (Sobbing) I-I was scared..."

L: „ ...Sorry. I..needed a minute okay?"

E: „ O-ok... (in a quiet and obviously sad voice) I won't ask about the FaceTime thing again...I promise."

L: „ (sighs) Thanks."