Under The Crescent Moon: Power, Corruption & Lies/Laughing Stock

Chapter 21: Love Comes Tumbling

"Nature is not only all that is visible to the eye... it also includes the inner pictures of the soul." MUNCH, Edward

...

...Lalala lalala, lala la la la...

...Lalala lalala, lala la la la...

...Lalala lalala, lala la la la...

...Lalala lalala, lala la la la...

...La la laaa la, la la la laaa lalaaa...

I'm not the only one there, I know.

You're within me, and I am with you. Many like you are within they, others like your mother. If you could look at their chests as I do. As a country has a space to be filled in by houses, and houses have rooms, and rooms have furnitures, and furnitures have decorations, everything is meant to be filled in, or else, remains empty. But even the empty has something gathered with, like a balloon is filled in by air, so there is no excuse for such emptiness to exist. Well, even when I get fed up, and stuff my stomach, I still feel empty. Not that I am truly empty, but it is because I feel such. To feel empty, and to be empty are unrelated, as much as to feel alive is different from to be alive. You, me, Bart, Jack, Daniel, Clyde... they all are alive, yet what does that mean?

While I am buying some food for Jack and me, your father and other fathers are fighting against the enemy, or at least, pretending to. Pretentions, feelings... we all fight against someone, or something. Against the hunger, I struggle for me and Jack to be alive, while your father struggle for us to be alive as well. I'm glad that you, at least, is alive. I hope you share of this same live you are fighting to remain like this as you grown up. Many like you, unfortunately, don't live for too long as you do. Mostly they are rejected because they don't have the same as you do, or what their mother has or doesn't have, or had with other of his sons.

One of my brothers was rejected by mother, before it even opened its eyes, before it felt the warmth of mother, before mother had given his a birth. I still don't know if it was a brother, or a sister. He, or she, had no name, or a life anymore, unlike father, who had a name, and even went carrying on of such to the bottom of the grave he felt, like a leaf felt on the field the day before his hole was already dug. It was also buried like his father, but instead on the garden, a place where life grows up attached to the dead ones, like this land of a rain that keeps falling as many lifes that had begun there. Mother had planned a life to his, a life without father, but with their both lifes gone, her plans, our plans felt like a sort of waste. A sort of, because in the end, mother and I learned since then that life is funny, but not ha ha... funny.

...To feel pain, or to feel sad? We both shed a tear, as we shed in many days, that become a year; another year, unlike the one we thought to be what we expected to. Another day, and instead of playing with another brother, mother made me another doll. Not another doll, another tear shed. They say only animals feel pain, whereas humans feel sad, feel joy, try to fill in the other by his same joy. Your father filled me in by his joy, and I felt joy, and after a few days without his joy, I felt you. You become my joy, as much as that doll become the same, for me, and mother. She had made it on her own, like many times, but that time was unlike others.

This joy they share may be a proof men like your father left that we are not alone. Thought, why would I? Why would we, if some of us already had a son? Children... the more you have, more prospere your life becomes. By creating new life, you relief yours. So did mother, by making of such rag doll, such child never finished, unlike that doll and each thread that composed its whole. That doll even had a ribbon tied to its tail, like the one in mine and many tails around here, and green buttons sewed alike the eyes and clothes of many of my siblings. Yet, the only remaining thing for it was a name. I never came up with such, but mother did, and so Karellen was given in to me, a gift from mother to daughter.