By Chance

Is it Recovery?

That one movement made my life less shrugish until after I realized 3 weeks after he was not getting better he is awake but weak and now I have crossed emotions Austin might or might not get better, why does everything seem to get better then all the goo just disappear as fast as it came?! I can finally breathe and live my life but school is tomorrow... why?
I just think that I'm not ready nor will I ever be until Austin is with me. My mom honks at me I run to her car and we drive home from the hospital. The drive is quiet, almost like no one is there until my mother says " We are going to get you looking beautiful tomorrow starting by you showering and picking out clothes and proper make up. Just because he isn't going to school doesn't mean you have to look like you're in a depression coma." "I know mom, I'm just not sure that looking good is enough to fix how bad I feel right now." "CASSANDRA WATERS THIS ISN'T YOUR FAULT!" "Mom stop it. I realize that I'm putting myself in a miserable place but I'm in a well that I can't get out of and nobody is bringing the rope to pull me out only Austin can." "End of conversation."
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Beep.Beep.Beep. SMACK. "Cassandra you up?" "Yeah" I am even though I don't want to but sometimes the things you think are bad turn out better but I'm not so sure about today. I drag my shrugish body out of bed and walk into my ensuite to get ready. I brush my teeth with my crest 3D white toothpaste, then brush my hair. As for my makeup it's mascara blush lipstick with a little foundation on my pimples. Is it possible to get stress pimples? Whatever. I open my closet to all my clothes that I never wear anymore because I was living in my pajamas and comfy clothes. "Breakfast! Hurry up Cassie." My mom has called me that whenever she tries to cheer me up. It never works....
I pick out a floral dress and combat boots then a white cover up then I head downstairs. "I made your favourite!" Sausage,eggs,pancakes and apple juice. "Thanks mom. But I don't know how much I want to eat in case you know I go to the hospital today." "Not eating is worse and you aren't going to the hospital to see him for 2 days because you need to catch up on school,sleep and eating better." "FINE!" I shrug and sit down and start cutting up a sausage. One bite. Then another. Before I knew it I had energy and felt ready for the day. Lets just say I didn't expect that. It's 7:45am time to walk to the bus stop. I threw my binders, notebooks, and pencil case in my bag then zip it up. I look down at my necklace that says A+C <3. I feel tears coming into my eyes. I brush them off and then walk to the bus. I see Caitlin and Ian they are Austin's and my best friends. they both wrap me in a hug then we hear the bus door SCREECH!! "Come on. Be lovebirds somewhere else." Our bus driver always has been quite a grump. We sit there in silence for the 10 minute ride to school, not wanting to say something about him or anything because I know that one of us would start crying. Probably me. Ian would just be there to comfort me. Caitlin would just hold them back until she bursts. I won't get over this until he gets better. I should say if but I have strong hopes that might not be enlighten but they better be. Hasn't my struggle from this just shown my love to how much I need him for him to make it? Here come the tears. Fight it. Fight them. One by one they came but then I stopped. We were at school I look out the window squinting from the sunlight shining directly on me. I get to my locker and think okay 11 25 53. YES I got it. First class... English, easy enough starting off just hoping nobody mentions anything. First period done. Second.... MATH GRRRRR why?? I unlock my iPhone 5C and check Instagram. Ignoring all the how are you? how is he? texts. I have had enough. Putting myself through that isn't worth it anymore. Lettingwhat happens, happen and handling it then. No more therapy no more losing anything I eat to the poor toilet or trash can. I run to the bathroom and go into the first stall start bawling then barfing. Repeat. Okay maybe I do new therapy. I check the yogurt I ate for breakfast. 2 weeks over due, Really? That explains it. Laying on the couch watching Netflix sounds like a better idea anyway. Until... the hospital calls and I say "Hello?" The response is... "hello, Cassandra I have some news.."
To be continued....
Sorry about all the chapters being short. they will become longer as I go on. Little bit of a cliffhanger...! I will be publishing chapter 5 soon....

Love ,
Emily <3