Revelry//h.s

chapter one

⚠️mentions of s*lf harm and sc*rs⚠️

"I'm gutted. Absolutely gutted."

I wake up to a rumble in my throat. As I moved the sheets around, I am coughing loudly as I try to catch my breath. I feel my body settle and rest. I inhale slowly.

"Great."

It was 6 in the fucking morning. I don't need to be to work till 9 and I genuinely enjoy my rest. I really do.

I steady myself as I step out of my blankets and get out of my bed. My head spun for a moment, then the room sat still again.

I reach to my book sat at the edge of my bed. No place was marked but I usually mark where I left off before I go to sleep. I can find where I was easily. No worries.

I set it back down and turned to my bathroom. I switched on the light. It actually felt okay for once. The light always bounces on my eyes and makes me feel sore and more restless. This morning it felt refreshing.

I look up to my reflection in my mirror. There is something about it that I absolutely despise.

My body.

It makes me incredibly sad. Everything on me is permanent. My body is how it is for the rest of my life. Everything I've ever done to myself, everything anybody else has done to me, and the things on my body that are considered horrid are there forever. Nothing is going to change.

I trace my fingers along each crease and scar. The tension dances along my skin. The feeling  was  pushing it's way back up and there's nothing I could do about it.

Inhale, exhale.

Pull yourself together.

I turn on the light and shut the door behind me. I grumbled as I rubbed my eyes with the heels of hands and walked towards my closet.

I pull my legs into some black trousers and put a belt over and under through the top of the pants. I pulled my hair back with a claw clip to get it out of the way. I threw on a knit sweater that was way too long for my arms. As I adjusted my socks. I took some boots I've had lying around and tucked them on my feet.

I made my way out of my closet and towards the kitchen. I grab a muffin I had made from a day before. I made my way to my door out of the apartment and grabbed my brown cardigan along with my phone and locked the door behind me.

Is the door really locked?

Yes

I should probably check it again.

I shuffled back to the door and rambled the knob.

Yep still locked.

Are all the lights turned off?

I checked that three times too.
Everything is fine.

I collect myself as I walk down the stairs of the complex.
Everything is fine.

I walk out of the door and made my way to work. I'm early. The bookstore I work at is only a block away from my complex. So, I chose to walk for my shifts. It helps me.

The wind breaks through my hair as I make my way inside.

(A little visual for the bookstore)