Luna

Chapter 28

"I thought we were meeting at the grounds for training today," Lucia says, breaking me out of my whirling thoughts.

Confused, I mutter my response while taking my phone out of my pocket to look at the time. "We are... I jus-" shit! Five missed calls and eight messages. And that's not even the kicker. I've missed training all together, plus my usual meditation time with Matthew!

"I'm sorry," I apologize sincerely. "I've been out of it lately, so I thought I'd take a walk before joining you at the grounds."

"And me at the lake," Matthew adds, and it just makes me feel horrible for standing them up with no call or explanation.

"Yeah," I mutter defeatedly. "I sat down after a few minutes of walking, and I swear it feels like it's only been ten minutes."

It's been over a month now since the healing witchy revelation happened, and everything is going well for the most part. Emily and I now have a double storey gods worthy looking house to ourselves, Matthew and Lucia know about my wolf on top of my powers, and Matthew and I are actually getting closer in our friendship.

It's different from the one I have with Lucia, and for a while I thought it was strange, but they both assured me that no two friendships are the same. It's still a foreign concept to me, one I never thought I'd ever have again, but I like it. I've even begun sharing a little more about myself to them too, and though I have no idea who I am most times, it's nice having people who are patient understanding around you.

I must confess though, between the two, I feel like I'm much closer to Matthew. He's seen me at my worst - something I have never been able to confess to Lucia or anyone for that matter, but something in me tells me she knows about the supposed drowning. Then he's also seen me at my best. When I'm going through particularly hard days, I tend to hide behind a mask, but somehow see right through it. In fact, he encourages me to be myself around him regardless of me emotions, and it honestly scares me knowing how vulnerable I am around him.

Then there's Aurelius... He's been trying to apologize for his actions that day, but I'm not in a forgiving state of mind right now. I don't hate or resent him for what he's done, but I don't forgive either. I know people think that's if they were in my position they'd forgive and forget the incident; that I'm being salty, and they'd be the bigger person in all of this, but I'm not. I have every right to my feelings right now, and one thing I've definitely learnt over the weeks is that I can be stubborn if I want to be.

It's not just the incident from a month ago that's making me reluctant in forgiving him, it's the pain accompanied with this bond he refuses to break, and eerie feeling of death every time he has sex. I really thought – well, hoped that I wouldn't feel if after healing him, but that was just wishful thinking. About a week after healing him, he was back at it again and I don't know if my heart can take much more of it too.

My unwillingness to forgive him seemed to torture him for a little while, but he soon recovered. He hasn't recovered from his wolf though. Others don't seem to see it, but he's struggling with him for control. At times, I feel his fear when he's about to loose control, and I think that's what made me not resent him. He's in his own literal he'll right now, and though it may be seen as something in which I can relish in pure satisfaction at, I pity him; especially when he shifts and seems to struggle to turn back.

"Hope," Matthew calls as he gently caresses my shoulder. "What's going on? You seem out of it today."

That's the understatement of the year. I'm completely out of it. Panicked yet elated at the same time, then there's this underlining fear hovering in the air, and dread. I feel dread and fear under all that happiness within, but I'm not sure why.