Puzzles and Pieces ✔

Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Coming home from work was the same usual routine. I usually had to prep food for the next day so cooking would be easier in the mornings than I had to help Mr. Matthews take his medication. He has been stubborn about taking it initially but lately, he seemed to have almost given up resisting. It has been some time that he stayed with us. I wonder if he was softening up to me or he was miserable to the point of not caring.

I walked into the living room to see he was in the living room as usual. He stared out the window this time with a hollow expression. I was about to walk into the kitchen, leaving him be, but I was stopped by his gruff voice.

"You're not going to say hi?"

"Uh, hi," I uttered, completely taken aback. It was odd how he was the first to engage with me without Kyle around. Usually, we only spoke when necessary and even then, it was rare now that Kyle has grown older.

"Come sit." He gestured to the seat next to him.

I hesitated for a moment before sitting next to him, unsure what he'll say next.

"It's the kid's birthday."

"Yeah. It is." I said the word slowly, unsure on where this conversation is going. "He's at a friends house to celebrate."

"It's also the day my son... well. You know." His official death anniversary. At least, that's what the documents say.

"Yeah, I know." But he probably won't really know what happened.

"I have to ask you, was he happy?"

"Huh?"

"Was he happier without me?"

My mind went blank. How was I supposed to answer this? "Who was happier?"

"Caleb."

I paused for a moment, suddenly realizing what Mr. Matthews was asking of me. He refused to look me in the eyes but I could tell from his voice that there was sadness.

"Ah, well... not really," I remembered the lead-up to his final moments. His struggle with living in general.

"Oh." He looked down at the grass out the window. His face slowly drained of any expression by the second.

"He... wished you were there for him. I remember he was still affected by his mother's death." I tapped a finger on my knee gently. I thought about the times he would vent to me in the past and how upset he was.

"Ah, really? He always was–" I gave him a side-eye, expecting to hear an insult. "–an emotional kid."

After a small gap of silence, I spoke up. "Well, it's good to be in touch with your emotions."

He quietly let out a low hum as he thought over my words. "Why's that?"

"Because if you keep ignoring them, they'll just leave you feeling alone and hollow."

That was when I noticed something. A small tear rolled down Mr. Matthews' face and I sat there for a second almost dumbfounded.

"Are... you alright?" I asked him as I gently put a hand on his shoulder.

He wiped a tear away with the back of his hand. "Do I look alright to you?" His voice was raspy.

"It's okay to cry. Just let it all out." I could feel my own tears welling in my own eyes.

That was when he completely lost all composure and I suddenly had a sobbing man crying in my shoulder. It was like the last nine years suddenly caught up to him... maybe even the years before Caleb's death were catching up as well.

"My son is gone. He's really gone." He sobbed the words in almost a whisper.

I could feel my own throat closing up as tears ran down my own face.

"I miss him too. I miss him so goddamn much."

This was my first time crying in front of someone over Caleb's death and I could tell it was Mr. Matthews' first time as well.