Puzzles and Pieces ✔

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I hated moving.

Everything was in boxes and I spent the majority of my time moping around. Kyle didn't seem to be happy either since he had lived here for three years. I mean, I had been here for longer too. Everything here reminded me of Caleb. It was the first place that we bought together.

Maybe this was a good thing. Caleb was no longer in my life after all. Well, not in the traditional sense. It was a new start. It wasn't too far from the area that it would disrupt our lives completely. It'll just be different. A new home and a better school but not too far so that Kyle could still see his old friends. Hopefully, both of us could feel more peace in the new home.

Kyle carried his backpack filled with items that he deemed was necessary for the first day at a new apartment.

"I don't want to move," he mumbled.

"Don't you want a bigger room? Your current room is too small for a bigger bed."

"Yeah..."

"You'll even get your own bathroom, then we don't have to share."

"Yeah... But like, I'm going to miss it here."

"I know, I'll miss it here too. Come here." I opened my arms for a hug and he hesitantly hugged me. "Dad lived here a long time before you came here. And I loved living here."

The apartment wasn't friendly for a child. The walls were paper thin that sounds seep through them, especially if neighbours were fighting. Kyle was having issues sleeping here with how bad of a neighbourhood it was. It was fine before with two adults sleeping in one bed being used to the noisiness of the area, but it wasn't suited for a growing child. The walls were damaged or permanently marked with flecks of paint from the time Caleb used the area as his make-shift art studio.

"Dad?" Kyle's voice echoed slightly in the nearly empty room.

"Yeah?"

"I found these when cleaning while cleaning out my room." Kyle held out his hand and a puzzle piece laid in his palm. I take it from his hand, and I close my eyes as I sigh sadly. I pocketed the item and made sure that I reminded myself to put it in the same place as the rest.

"Are you okay, Dad?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just tired." The moving process did take a toll on me. So, it wasn't a complete lie.

"You look sad." It seemed useless to try and lie to him. He picked up on my emotions easily.

"It just brings back old memories. It... belonged to an old friend." I hesitated on my word choice. I wasn't sure what Caleb was to Kyle. I had called him his dad a few times before but only because it was an easy way to tell someone I was gay. It was especially handy during one time that a single mother tried to ask me out.

"Was it from Papa?" His eyes seemed to light up a little at the thought of Caleb.

"Yeah," I said. "It was from Papa."

We continued to hug in silence. I looked at Kyle and sighed. At moments like this it made me wonder if Kyle will ever turn back into Caleb. Caleb never intended to leave me like this. Maybe he would change back into a man and say it was all a prank. He would say it was a convoluted plan to get us to move since he always hated the building.

I stroke the back of Kyle's head and he moved it slightly. I noticed my fingers accidentally touched his neck. I forgot he was ticklish at times.

"Dad?" His voice was muffled. He had buried his face into my shirt, but I didn't mind it.

"Yeah?"

"Do you miss him?" The question made me freeze for a moment.

"You mean Caleb?" I asked.

"Yeah." He attempted to nod his head.

My mouth tightened into a line. "Well, of course I do."

"How come we never talk about him?" Kyle's words were slow as he said it.

"Dad, just really misses him a lot." I could hear my voice crack.

"Oh." Pause. "What happened to him?"

Uh. How do I tell this story?

I gulped. "It's really hard to explain."

"Can I know, please?" At least I taught him his manners properly.

I took another moment to think before carefully answering. "Do you remember anything from when you first moved in with me?

"No..."

Do I just lie to the kid? I'm not sure on what to do.

"Maybe I could explain when you get older..." I didn't want to explain. It's too hard to explain.

"But I am older," he whined.

I took a deep breath. I don't even know the full story myself. I can't explain this without confusing the poor child.

"I don't know if I can say..." My voice trailed off, hoping that he would drop the topic.

"Dad... please?" The waver in his voice made me wince. I don't think I can tell him the truth.

"I really think we should talk about it another time." My voice became more firm which caused Kyle to tense up in my arms. He looked up at me with frustration and I could tell by the look in his eyes that he wasn't giving up.

"But, he's my papa."

I could feel tears prickling my eyes. It's so hard to say no to him. I wanted to make things better for Caleb now that he was a child. But... do I really know what was best for him? Telling him the truth or lying to him only led me to believe that it would be hard to deal with either way.

I look into Kyle's pleading eyes again and I sighed. I hugged him tighter, not wanting him to somehow slip out of my grasp.

"I don't know what exactly happened that day. Your papa was a really kind man. He loved to paint. He painted those puzzles pieces that morning too. That day, he went out to do something. I forgot what exactly he was going to do but he left me a note saying it might be the last time I saw him."

"Why did Papa say that?" I could feel a hot tear roll slowly down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away.

"He wasn't feeling well lots of days. Because of that he was really sad a lot, so he left me a note. I was really worried that day."

"What happened after that?" I could tell his curiosity was at its peak.

"Well," I started. "Dad waited in the hospital for almost the full day for Papa. Then he didn't come back."

His eyebrows were scrunched together in confusion. "Why didn't he come back?"

"I don't know why he didn't come back either. But he's somewhere better now, I hope." It wasn't exactly a lie, but I seemed to have given him enough information to satisfy him.

Kyle's eyes were watering a little and I couldn't stop myself from mirroring his expression.

"Hospitals are supposed to help people, aren't they?" He balled up a section of my shirt into a fist. There wasn't just sadness in his eyes but there was fear as well. His lower lip was quivering, and I frowned at him.

Answering questions was hard. "They can help, but sometimes everything someone can do can't stop the future."

"I hope you don't end up in the hospital, dad." He hugged me again.

"No worries, I won't." I pulled away from the hug to pat his head and he swatted my hand away. "Let's go to our new home. Ready?"

He nodded. "Ready."

We gathered the last few boxes before leaving the apartment for the last time. I'll miss this place, but it was time for a change.