The life of Jenna

Chapter 3

🎶I'm only human, I've got a skeleton in me. But I'm not the villain, despite wat ur always preaching🎶-monster, paramore 

When I came home, I knew my parents would be there, but i totally forgot. We have a pretty nice house, my parents are both really fancy lawyers for celebrities, cough cough gross cough. 

I had a full on panic attack when I came in. All of their stuff was everywhere, and me forgetting that they were coming home today caused the panic. I froze and started sweating, getting red, the numbness to my legs came back and i could feel my heart ready to jump out of my chest like a rabbit. The tears came flowing out my eyes so fast, I almost didnt realize till i felt it go on the crease of my lip. My parents saw me crying and came over to hug me when I ran up stairs. I couldnt think, I just need to leave I thought. But knowing i cant because if i did, i would get a worse panic. I shut my door and turned on my music to whatever was there. It was my fall out boy playlist thank god. i was walking around my room crying still in a panic attack just listening to them. Despite what my therapist ad doctor says, the only thing that works to calm me down is distraction. Sometimes ill watch one of my fav supernatural episodes but i dont have time for that. 

I'm now out of the panic attack, and start on my homework still listening to music. I changed it to green day, when my mother called me down to dinner. I reply im not hungry and finish my homework. Friggin math, im good at math but hate it. 

-the next day-

I wake up to both of my parents gone at work, and get ready for hell. I decided to wear a spn shirt that says "the whistle makes me their god", black skinniesh jeans, and combat boots. and of course my spn bag.

At school I go through my day normally when in 4 period right before lunch, someone throws a note at me and i have a rush of anxiety. It said "nice shirt, spn is life. -ryan"  I was super confused, first, is this sarcasm, and second who's ryan? DDDIIINNNGGGG. The bell rings and i make my way to the bathroom for lunch. Then someone calls my name from behing me.

"Jenna, hey, jenna"

I immediately get an anxiety attack (btw panic and anxiety attacks are different, panic-you are in a panic, anxiety-you are in a state of major anxiety overload) and run to the bathrooms. And i stay their til 7th and last period. Which is photography, which i love. And when i get there, the green day shirt guy is there. I guess he transfirred in. And he is next to my spot, so we're partners. great. Even tho he' pretty damn hot, no one that good looking can like me, especially after what happened before. 

"hey did you get my note in math" he asked blushing.

"ya, i didnt know ur name was ryan so i thought it was like a fake name from the jocks" i replied quietly

"uh well im the farthest from a jock ,i can barely stand gym"

"same" i said laughing a little. "sorry about the other day, im, um, weird"

"no its fine, i get it, im awkward to talk to, that's y i gave you that note, no communication involved. "

"ur not awkward to talk to, i just hav anxiety. Oh shit, shouldnt hav said that. Sorry" I immediately started to go into an anxiety attack until he said 

"oh, im so sorry, then yelling ur name out of class was stupid and so was the note. oh im so sorry"

"no dude its fine, u didnt know"

And then class started, with a substitute so we watched a movie about the invention of the original camera. But since ryan and i sit at the back of the class, we were talking the whole time. About how his younger sister has bad anxiety and she's only 9. And bands, and supernatural, and destiel (which he ships!) and gay marraige which he supports. All this stuff and he is literally the only person who has talked to me this long since the sixth grade. 

The movie ended when Ryan and I were talking about Paramore. The sub turned back on the lights and tried get the tape out of the tv by pressing play over and over again. 

"Maybe you should try plan D for dumbass" Ryan said under his breath. And i cracked up, i mean I was laughing pretty damn hard. And he started laughing to we were almost crying when we could stop. Everyone else left the class room when he said

"you have the most adorable laugh I've ever heard."

I was still catching my breath from laughing so hard. I didn't know what to say. I think he was kinda flirting and the only other person who liked me, i got so weirded out and scared i ignored him for years bc i didnt know how to respond. He was my only real friend and i broke him. I didn't want to hurt ryan, we could still be friends. Right?

"do u wanna go get froyo or something?" he said

and like the bitch i am, i got scared and ran out.