lucid dreams [r. lupin]

five

september 17th, 1975 - library

Remus had woken up this morning in an incredibly foul mood. He'd get easily annoyed. But this was nothing unusual, it happened once a month with the approaching full moon. And his friends, who helped him through these times, noticed it immediately.

He was trying to focus on his assignments, but his mind kept wandering. He could already anticipate, how rough the night would be. Fortunately enough it was Friday, which left him the weekend to recover. He wouldn't have to miss many classes.

"Here you go." He looks up as Sirius puts a chocolate bar in front of him. "As cute as it was to give chocolate to Lorelei, you emptied your stock for her."

"Not so empty if you found this." Remus huffs in annoyance, making Sirius give him a look.

"Don't give me that attitude, Moony. This is the last one." Sirius says pointedly and Remus takes a deep breath, trying to calm down. He hated how easily he snapped during the full moon, he could easily hurt his friends this way. "James is going to try to find some more."

"How exactly is he planning on doing that?" Remus asks with a raised eyebrow. Sirius shrugs, unsure of the answer.

"He failed." James pants as he joins them. Remus rolls his eyes, looking down at his work. "Why does non-full-moon you have to be so romantic?"

"Can we just drop it." Remus snaps, as he takes the chocolate, ripping the package open.

"Damn, Moony. Is this how you feel about her?" Peter asks, making both James and Sirius glare him. Remus stiffens and glares up at Peter, who immediately realises his mistake.

"Can we stop talking about her? My life doesn't revolve around her." He snaps, his nose flaring up and Peter winces.

"Eat your chocolate, Remus." James says calmly.

"Don't tell me what to do." Remus snarls, before stands up and stomps his way out of the library.

"Peter, you absolute idiot. You know tonight is the full moon. Why would you say something to anger him even more?" Sirius hisses and Peter shrinks back. James doesn't bother waiting for them, before he runs after Remus.

As he searches for the boy, he crosses paths with Lily Evans and her friends. On any other day he'd stop and attempt to get a date, for the millionth time, but he had priorities. Not long after seeing her, he quickly finds the person he's looking for.

"Remus. Moony. Stop, wait." James calls after him, but he doesn't show any signs of acknowledgment. James huffs and catches up with him. "Hey, come on, Moons. He was just teasing. You're not actually mad about that are you?"

"I don't know. It's just the full moon, you know." Remus sighs, making James nod in understanding.

"Do you want to come with me back to our room? Until it starts getting darker?" James asks and Remus lets out a sigh, before nodding in acceptance.

"Sure." James smiles and the two slowly make their way to their room. As they're making their way, they spot Lorelei sitting on the ledge of a window.

She was laughing at something a fellow Ravenclaw student was saying to her. Not just any Ravenclaw student, it was Martin Evory. Remus' heart drops as he watched Martin lean down and kiss her. He hopes she pushes him, but she doesn't.

"Remu-" James tries to say something to him, worried he might lash out.

"Let's go." Remus sighs in defeat. He never really thought he had a chance with her, but it still broke his heart to see her happy with someone else.

James decides not say anything through the whole way to their room, not wanting to say the wrong thing. As they reach the room, Remus silently walks to his bed, closing the curtains as he curls up under the blanket. Sirius, who had already gotten here, looks at James questioningly.

"What happened?" Sirius asks in worry.

"We just saw Lorelei kiss Martin Evory." James explains and Sirius doesn't need to know more to understand. He winced slightly, feeling sad for his friend.

"Is he going to be okay?" Peter asks, making the two other boys look at him with uncertainty.

"Not tonight." James says honestly, making Sirius nod in agreement.

Remus could hear them whisper among each other, but couldn't care enough to listen. He felt like he'd lost a part of himself, but he felt like he didn't even have the right to feel that way. She was her own person, made her own decisions, he didn't control her and they weren't in a relationship. He wasn't even sure if they could call themselves friends.