homestuck oneshots from ai dungeon

dirk, jake and roxys zombie fuck pileThe Dragon

You are Jake English! A famous actor! You however are a shit actor...but you still have millions and millions of fans due to your velumptous ass. You are currently hanging out with your best bro Roxy Lalonde playing Mario Kart on the Nintendo 64 when suddenly, you feel something hit your back!
You look behind you, its a pebble! it came from outside, you tell roxy to stay seated and approach the window and look out, down on the land is non other than your ex boyfriend and swore enemy Dirk Strider! He was looking for you!
Roxy looks at you in disbelief, she knows that he isn't going to be able to get there before you do, but what can she do?
> You say "Ugh its probaby dirky again" she groaned, "Hes still soooo hung up about you! but who wouldnt? your assss is soooo velumptuos"
"Shut it, bitch!" you roar at her, covering your precious naked body.
"You shut it, Jake!" She snaps.
dirk gasps! omg he just realised ur naked!!!! u start battling completely naked with roxy lalonde- KACHOW!! he grabs the controller and hits you in the face with it causing you to fall off the couch!
He laughs his head off.
"You are a fucking dum-dum!"
suddenly roxy has changed pronouns and now goes by he, dirk is also in the room now, "STOP! " dirk screams!! "youll damage his velumptous ass!!|"
dirk then takes the controller and switches it off.
"No dirk, he started it!!"
"Lies!"
"It's the truth!"
"Fuck you!!
> You hug dirk while completely naked, "thank u dirk for saving my velumptious ass"
He screams in pure shock and confuses, looking at you.
"You ...youre welcome?
he then graps a handful of your velumptious ass as roxy stares in horror.
"NUDE!! C'mon we have to get naked!!" she screams.
you all get naked and start screaming and running around excitedly.
"Now its our turn to get a controller!!" she screams, "lets go finish this!!!"
and she ran off with dick.
roxy had your dick! no! not your dick! your bleeding everywhere your balls and on the floor your writhing in pain"she- she STOLE MY PENIS!!!!" jake shrieked.
"Well you shoulda covered it!" dirk says, "or wore clothes...dicks too big to hide!!"
"Let's just get the fuck out of here!!
> You steal dirks penis as pay back.
You chase roxy in the hallway around a corner and grab his dick!
"HEY THATS MY DICK!!" he screams as you begin to furiously suck.
> on a lolly pop while holding roxys dick " haha!!!!!! stupid lil bitch eat my ass!!"
You spit out the dick and catch up to roxy and dirk in the library
"Theres no way you can defeat us!" dirk says.
"You'll see!!"
dirk falls and face plants, his dick falls off and roxy screams " NO DIRK NO!!!" you stare in horror, you didnt want this....dirks dick was...was his thing and has a special place in your heart. you rush over to him, "dirk! please dirk im so sorry..." and pick up his dick and take a look at it. you feel sick.
> You eat dirks dick.
You quickly bite into it and begin to chew, you notice a small thread of white fluid seeping out from the tip, you attempt to draw it inside with each bite but its impossible.
roxy stares at you in horror "dude microwave it first!" she says and snatches dirks dick from you and puts it in the microwave for a few seconds.
you eagerly wait for it.
"Here!!" she screams and throws it in your hands, "he'll be back soon so you need to eat it now!"
dirk was in paris now btw he ran there naked, hes running back now. you quickly eat dirks dick and it makes your penis regenerate but your still hungry.
"He'll be back in a minute!!" roxy says and runs upstairs.
"Ok!!"
> You follow roxy upstairs.
You run upstairs and see roxy in a corner.
> You say "hey are you ok roxy? we should probably get dressed"
"Shut up!!!" she says and begins typing on her phone.
"Have you seen Jake?"
"Nope I just came in."
"Where did the other one go?
> You say "what? im jake! the only jake! the other ones dirk and hes running home from paris"
"Shut up!!" she says and continues typing.
"When did roxy get a phone?" you type, "and what is that?"
"Fuck you!!!" she screams and hits you in the face.
she kills you.
you are now dirk and Jake.
"HEY LETS GO!!!" roxy screams as you and Jake follow her out of the room.
> You say "THE POLICE ARE COMING HIDE THE BODY"
You quickly hide body and begin laughing, roxy hides too.
"What's so funny?" she asks.
"I just hid dirk's body." you say and laugh.
"It was a joke!!"
> You say "NO THE DEAD BODY OF JAKE!!! THE GUY YOU KILLED AAAAAA"
You and her run and hide as the police arrive at the house, they knock loudly on the door and then continue down the hall.
> You run out naked and tackle the officer.
You quickly run out of the room and run down the hall and tackle the first officer you see, you over power him and begin biting his throat.
"HEY YOUR UNARMED!!" someone screams.
> You say "NO I HAVE MY EX BOYFRIENDS PENIS!!!!!"
The police officer screams as you continue to tear at his throat, blood pours out and runs down his neck.
> You shoot the police officers with cum from your ex boyfriends severed penis.
You quickly drop the officer and shoot him with the stolen gun, his blood flies everywhere, one of the other officers runs and tackles you, you punch him repeatedly in the face and then his dick comes out and he stops.
> You eat his dick.
You quickly shove your mouth down on the officers dick and begin sucking. You're so hungry you don't care if the blood is going to mess up your teeth.
"HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!"
> You say "GODS WORK"
You quickly shove the dick inside your mouth and begin sucking, blood spurts out and onto your face.
"You like the taste?
> You say "oh yeah i do daddy"
"You and your father aren't related!"
"i knew it! fuck you're dicks small y/n."
"Shut up! both of you!!" roxy says as she points the gun at everyone.
she shoots and everyone dies except for you, you live and approach her. you immediately start making out! she grabs your velumptious ass and you kiss harder, thrusting your tongue in her mouth.
"so....." you start to say, but she interrupts
"Are you a cop?"
"No"
"Good, because I just killed two cops"
she winks and your dick wouldve gotten hard but you dont have one so instead you leanign in to make out more she shoots you in the throat, your blood spurts out and onto her face and you collapse to the floor, she wipes off the blood and kisses you one last time.
jake 2 smiles, "finally theyre dead...our plan worked!" he exclaimed and hugged roxy from behind, she smiled, "fuck yeah it did...lets go make babies!" she exclaimed.
jake agreed and they lived happily ever after until the zombie APOCALYPSE.
YOU AND DIRK ARE NOW ZOMBIES!!! roxy screamed, "OH NO THEYRE GOING TO KILL US" but instead you look at dirk and carress his cheek "ughhhh ugh ughhh" you groan because your a zombie. You and dirk shamble over to roxy who is still sitting on the floor and you kiss her, she tastes a little like blood but good, you shove your tongue down her throat and the three of you begin making
out, jake 2 joins in, its just a huge zombie x human fuck pile and everyone is having fun.
UNTIL....
DIRK 2 ARRIVES AND SCREAMS, "JAKE 2 YOUR CHEATING ON ME WITH 2 ZOMBIES AND ROXY???" you groan because your still a zombie and roll away from roxy, you start making out with dirk away from the drama, the two of you don't do much but stand there and watch as jake 2 attacks roxy.
"HEY LET GO OF THAT GIRL!!!!"
Jake 2 screams and jumps over you and dirks gross makeout and punches dirk 2 "STOP! I THOUGHT IT WAS AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP!!" jake 2 yelled. dirk 2 gasped, " I NEVER SAID THAT!". jake 2 shook his head "LAST WEEK WHEN WE WERE DOIN THE DO!!!" *FLASHH BACK TO DIRK2 AND JAKE 2 GOING AT IT AND DIRK 2 SAYING ITS AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP AHAHA BIG MOUTH REFERENCE* dirk 2 remembers and lets go of roxy, "fuck! im so sorry" dirk 2 says and hugs her.
The two of you watch as jake 2 has to calm down to not win and then make out with him and the original drama starts all over again.
dirk and dirk 2 join in the makeout and so do you and roxy.
> You grab dirks ass.
"HEY WHERES MY BITCH?!" jake screams and points at a random girl "YOU KIDNAPPED MY GIRLFRIEND YOU COWARD!!"
> You grab jakes face and makeout with him.
You and jake lock lips and shove your tongue down each others throats. Everyone watches as you fuck this random boy and eat his pussy, then when he's had enough you release him and shove your dick down his throat.
roxy shoots you mid ejaculation, "NO THATS MY BITCH!!!" she yelled, and then shoots jake.
dirk shoots roxy, "NO THATS MY BITCH!" he then angrily points at you, "ALSO THATS MY COCK!!"
Everyone shoots you, and then dirks bitch shoots you.
jake and dirk run to each other and start having sex in a pile of dead bodies.
you have been killed by the gun power of:
DIRK
"Thats my dick!"
"That's my pussy!"
"Watch me kill him with my dick!
dirk kills jake with his dick
dirk 2 kills roxy with his dick
You have died in a most glorious way due to the bullet power of: DIRK2
You have died in a most glorious way due to the bullet power of
ANAL
roxy and dirk 2 are now doing anal from beyond the grave
"Hell yeahhhhh!!" you say
They both shoot bullets straight in your mouth and throat, splattering blood all around your corpse and making a disgusting gargling noise as it goes down your throat.
> You cum because your into guns.
You have now cocked, loaded and are ready to blow. You stand there with your zombie lover, your zombie boyfriend and jake (despite him being dead).
> You cum on them and die.
You point your gun at the three of them
"Fuck you! Just me!"
You fire, the bullet ripping through all three of their heads in a loud pop.
> You fall to the ground and sob.
You feel so helpless. The dead have taken over the world and you're one of them now. A disgusting zombie. You collapse on the ground and sob.
"I'm sorry, my love. I'm sorry."
> You say "i just wanted to play mario kart"
You want to be a hero. You want to save your boyfriend from becoming a zombie. You want him back.
"I just wanted to play mario kart."
You drop to your knees and sob.
dirk, almost dead reaches out to you, "jake...its okay, i- i love you! please...keep going for us. before i die...can i- do something?"
With tears in your eyes you nod, "Y...You can do somthing...? What?
he grabs your ass, "damn- shit really was velumptious" he coughed up blood and fell to the ground, dead. You cried and screamed, but no one came. Only the dead could hear you as you screamed for help, hope, and your boyfriend.
The dead came for you soon.
the end