To Have a Gift (A Star Wars Fanfic)

Chapter 4

Arrai felt dizzy. The wound on her shoulder had caused a severe headache. If she were a normal person, she'd be taking pain killer and still be in terrible pain. But she wasn't normal. She'd been taught to suppress pain, to remove her mind from her body, to feel nothing. But it came at a cost. She suddenly didn't care about anything, she felt no emotion. Jedi worked for their whole lives to achieve this, but hardly ever succeeded. Her mind didn't control her body. It was like her brain had received last minute instructions before it's commanding officer had disappeared. Arrai's consciousness was just on the sidelines, being a spectator of the world around her. She had no control.

Her body was sent to her room, where she trapped herself in and attended to her arm. She could fix it to a minimal degree. Her pride got in the way of her getting the assistance she needed. It told her to just forget about the pain. She needed help, real help, not some bandages. She needed a healer.

She returned her consciousness to its normal position and went for the door. But she heard a knock. She didn't have time for talking, she wanted to get this over with before she changed her mind! But she put on a happy face and opened the door.

It was Anakin. He motioned her to follow him. "That's pretty cool, you know." He gestured to her arm. "You didn't do so much as breathe differently. It was like you weren't hurt at all. How'd you do it?"

She sighed. "I'm not really in the mood to discuss such things."

"Ugh. Fine. You know your eventually gonna have to spill, right?"

She rolled her eyes. "I don't talk unless I want to."

"And I guess that's another trick the Darks taught you?" He didn't think she was serious about her comment.

"Yes, actually. And don't call them or me a Dark. It sounds weird."

"You better get used to it." He shrugged. "I'm sorry. Everyone says it, it's just some of that weird lingo you pick up after awhile. I don't wanna offend you."

Her turn to be sarcastic. "That'll be the day."

He gave a slight chuckle. "You know," he suddenly got very serious. "You don't have to do that."

"What?"

"You don't have to hide yourself. Just because you can doesn't mean you should." He sighed. "Look, this has been the best day of my life. It's been years since we've talked like this. And I don't care if you don't completely trust me, or anyone, I'm just new to this whole Dark Jedi stuff. I'm not used to it, you know."

She laughed. A genuine, pure laugh. "You say the funniest things. You're so straight forward. I guess I kinda gotta admire that. But seriously, do you know how corny you sound?"

He laughed. "A Jedi doesn't hide anything. He says what needs to be said, and he does it with subtlety. That's what my master told me."

She gave a smile. "Master Gi told me that I shouldn't let feelings get in the way of the task at hand. My mind has to be on the here and now. If I let any emotions slide around, they'll consume me. Every Jedi knows this, as well as every Dark Jedi. But sometimes, you need to use those feelings out. When we cross out of our Neutral State, the emotions can fuel either side of the Force. You can unleash your hate and anger by going dark, or you can use love and happiness to remain light. You just have to keep them bottled up inside, then, when the time is right, you can have ultimate power over either side of the Force."

He looked amazed. "So that's what being a Dark is." She glared at him. "Dark Jedi, excuse me. Obi-Wan tried to explain it to me once, I just didn't understand." he paused. "Do you think that I could've become a Dark Jedi?"

She shook her head. "I can sense your rejection of the Dark Side. It'd be nearly impossible for you to use it without being permanently overpowered by it. Of course, anything is possible, but this is just something you either have or you don't. And I hate to break it to you, Ani, but you don't. And trust me, with the looks I've been getting, you don't wanna be one of us." She sighed. "Now, tell me what it's like to be a Jedi."

He thought a moment. "You probably know more about me than I know about myself. Later, maybe."

"Why not now?" She made a pouty face.

"Because you have to get that arm of yours fixed."

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Arrai didn't move once. Her arm had taken a bad beating, but it wasn't as bad as she'd thought. Still, it was pretty bad. As a droid cleaned her wound with a clear liquid, she acted as though she were in a trance, hiding inside herself.

Anakin noticed that she had looked like that on the ride back. She was literally fleeing inside herself. It was pretty cool. Her eyes saw right through anything in the line of vision. She didn't speak, responding to conversation with a nod or shake of her head. She didn't blink at all. She was like a ghost.

He thought about what she'd told him. He could tell she was bottling herself up, conserving her pain, which she could transfer into anger and hate to use while on the Dark Side.

And that's what fascinated Anakin the most. The trips to and from the Dark Side of the Force. He knew it didn't make sense, but he felt that he didn't reject it, he feared it. And fear of the Dark Side was a path to it; the thought further fed the fear. He'd never seen someone 'go dark' before, but he knew it was terrifying to anyone watching.

He could sense something coming: darkness. He hadn't told anyone, but he'd been seeing strange images. At first he'd thought it was his mother, and he was partially right, but he saw someone else. And he didn't know who until today. It was Arrai. In his visions she would yell to him, but nothing was audible. But she was acting... strange. She was conflicted.

The something that was coming was going to destroy his little sister. At that moment, he vowed to make sure that don't happen.

He wasn't going to hide anything from Arrai. She had a right to know everything that went on in his head. And he her's. He needed to know what things she saw, even the images that she doesn't want to see, or talk about.

Somehow or other, he would get her to talk.