Submitting

Cold

I don't get it. Even though I was used to the sudden rush of unknown and shocking pieces of puzzles that didn't really fit together, it still didn't master me enough to understand the inner workings of these two men. Their actions so insensible at first sight, but their true intentions masked so expertly that I doubt I would ever be able to decipher it all at the end. If at all there was one, that is.

The clatter of the forks against the white ceramic plates kept the silence in between me and Dimitri less awkward. It was a perfect alibi or rather a common one to not have a conversation with him. If I could, I would have finished the food sitting on my plate as quickly as possible, but the nagging feeling of him not letting me retire to my room so easily was plausible. He liked doing activities after dinner, and I wasn't ready yet to get occupied by anything else except the newly acquired knowledge that Ivan was not in the house. Not behind the walls as I thought he was.

Something was not right.

I couldn't come up with any reason as to why Ivan wouldn't be home and all that I could come up with were situations that didn't make me feel any better because even if Dimitri didn't like his brother a lot, he never really made him leave the house for running errands such as grocery shopping or delivering food. Dimitri left every time and came back with the things that were required. He left me alone with Ivan on so many occasions that it was enough to believe that he had no problem in trusting or having him around me. So what happened this time? Was it something else that wasn't about me?

"What are you thinking about?" Dimitri looked at me with stark green eyes which didn't get deceived by my sluggish way of eating the special mixed noodles he ordered conveniently enough from my favourite restaurant. Under different circumstances I would have finished it long ago but the Rose that had such a fondness for these simple materialistic things was somehow lost.

"Nothing. This is delicious." I looked at him as I picked up a piece of chicken paired with noodles with a fork and shoved it in my mouth, making sure to smile a little after to seem less conspicuous. He didn't know that I saw Ivan and even interacted with him in the small amount of time I had. The note I prepared, somewhere down in the sewers, flushed through the toilet.

"I ordered it from your favourite restaurant." Yeah, no shit Sherlock. "I hope you like it." What he did next made me feel worse and more unsettled than I was before. He smiled.

"I do. Thank you." Something was definitely not right. This gut feeling was so strong that I just couldn't shake it off. All of this sudden kindness felt weird and new. Plus, the question of why was as present as it was with every other thing they did.

I stared at the knife placed beside my plate. A blunt serrated knife. The second one that has been made available to me in the same day. So unnatural and sudden. Especially, why now? Or just, why? Did he really trust me or did he trust himself enough to handle me if I did do something violent? It was so easy to do so, almost tempting enough to just reach for the knife and jump at him without a sign and out of the blue. I could catch him off guard, and he wouldn't even see it coming. The perfect opportunity always presents itself at times when we are the most unprepared.

"I know why you ordered the cheesecake." He loved attention and wanted it undivided. He got it as swiftly as the sentence ended.

"You do?" My heart started racing with hope that he might finally talk to me about Liza, something which he has never done before. I was more than willing to comply.

"You miss her a lot don't you?" He looked down at his plate, perhaps with a hint of jealousy in his tone; perfectly timed with my unwitnessed fidget as I sat up straight and looked at him with eager eyes. Like a deprived habitat in the wilderness.

"Y-yes." I didn't know what to do, or what he wanted me to do in order to have her back, but I tried by reaching for his hand that was resting on the table and held it in mine. It happened too quick, and he was as surprised as I was but if this meant he would keep this conversation in the same boat I wanted it to be then I was ready to do more. "Dimitri, please...it has been so long. I haven't seen her, I don't know how she is. She doesn't know where I am or what is happening. All of this might be too scary for her. I need to know that she is okay, and she needs to know the same. Please, I am begging you." His warm hand felt stiff when I clenched it in my frozen one. He wasn't returning any gesture or any movement at all for that matter. Not even a single breath.

The beat of my heart reverberated against my ribcage harshly as I watched him contemplate the words that were about to come out of his mouth. I waited for what seemed like a long amount of time and stared at him patiently until finally our eyes met, and his hand overlapped, engulfing mine in a strong hold.

"You are cold." I was so disappointed, so much that I couldn't keep myself under control and in check any more.

"Dimitri...please." I shook my head slowly at him as the tears threatened to spill out of my eyes. I couldn't sit there and let him brush me off once again.

His grasp became tighter as I begged him, but I was not going to comply this time. I was desperate. And it didn't seem like he was looking for compliance either but instead holding himself back maybe as his jaw tightened visibly.

"Rose, no. Stop. I told you already. You have to wait. It's not time yet." He talked slowly, calmly, contrary to my increasingly restless self as I shook my head harder this time, disagreeing unapprovingly at his choice of the words.

"Dimitri, I..." He sighed loudly and let go of my hand to drag it down his face in frustration. I could tell that I was getting on his nerves, but maybe this time persistence is what would help me get the answers.

"Look, she is fine. You might have a hard time believing this, but she is actually fine, okay? She...is a little bit different, that's all." The emphasis on the last word made it clear that he was not going to talk about the subject any more. The burning questions in my head multiplied further and something about what he said just didn't sit well with me.

She is a little bit different, that's all.

"I'm going to bring in the dessert. Excuse me." He got up and left without a second glance as I looked at his plate and realized that his plate was empty with no leftovers but just the smudges of the noodles and spicy chicken we had for dinner. Whereas I still had a lot left on mine. It was clear that he was not going to open up any more and there was no point in dragging the night and this whole thing either. So, defeated and reluctantly, I decided to finish whatever was in front of me and get this thing over with.

****

I was very tired and all I wanted to do was go back to the room, lay on the bed and stare at the ceiling until exhaustion would finally wrap me in its beautiful escape of sleep, but when does Dimitri ever let things be that simple.

His hand at the small of my back guided me through the dim hallway to a room which I wasn't aware of. I didn't understand what was happening, but I also didn't want to ask him about it either. The less I talked to him, the better things were. Plus I'll get to know my destination soon enough, so there was no need for unnecessary conversation.

The door opened to an indistinctly lit room. It was a cloudy night with snowfall pelting outside the wooden framed glass wall. Such a dark night that not even the moon could penetrate the thick fog and touch the glistening snow that now shined in the warm and soft light of the room. The leafy plants too were a huge contrast to the other rooms in the house as well as the thick carpeted floor underneath my feet. But perhaps the best feature out of everything was the technology that was accessible and available exclusively here, something that was a huge missing piece I foolishly didn't have the thought to scout about.