Submitting

Lost

Liza. 

A shiver ran down my spine as I realized how much I miss her. The shine in her eyes every time she made her favourite chocolate filled cookies and then ate almost all of them because she loved them so much. How she always talked about doing crazy things to her hair but settled for the least ridiculous option. The way she knew her way around everything and never really failed. Oblivious of the charm she had and the light she spread. The first person who stepped into my life and made me realize that all people are not the same. That there is more to the world outside my cage. 

The first person for whom I almost opened the door. 

A girl who didn't care about why I was silent. She respected my privacy and understood boundaries better than anyone. She never pushed too hard neither did she let me get through things myself. She just always knew what to do in situations where nothing could be done. Unlike me.

I wish I could say that it was hard to remember that face or be lucky enough to wonder where I have seen that face before but things are not always in my favour. Reality shot harder than a bullet as I sat there gaping at the man's face who so smoothly waltzed in and didn't look at my face as he poured the amber wine in the glistening crystal that shined in the candlelights.

I've known that face before and failed to realize what truly laid behind those deceiving lavender eyes. It was all a truly messed up façade in both ways. He played the violin so easily that it looked easy too. But now I knew what he was in the true light as his green eyes shined like an emerald just like the man who sat in front of me.

Ivan.

He wasn't wearing his lavender lenses any more but still pretended to be someone he was not as he set the table with warm food for Dimitri and me. I could feel the tension in the air, I didn't need to look at the man on the other side of the table to know that the same shade of emerald eyes was observing me very strictly. I didn't know what his plan was and why he would bring Ivan here but I had a feeling I'll have to find that out for myself.

Ivan completely ignored me and didn't meet my gaze as I gaped at him completely dumbfounded. Why was he serving us in a butler's uniform? What was he doing here and why would Dimitri want him here? The last time I saw him was still fresh in my mind as if it happened a few moments ago. I never thought that things could happen in such a way, and yet I am proved wrong like always.

I wanted him to stop pretending like he didn't know me. Like he didn't molest me the last time we met. I wanted to know that this is the same Ivan who came into the dark night and asked for shelter that I oh so blindly provided him.

"Eat" The deep voice of Dimitri broke me from a trance as I shifted my gaze and looked at him now. His demeanour clearly stating his disapproval at my actions. It was hard to hold his glare as I quickly looked down to find a very presentable plate of salad sitting in front of me. The lettuce placed in such a fashionable way that it didn't look like food at all. I didn't have much of an appetite before and somehow their ability to compulsion food to bend to their will made the food more repulsive. 

Maybe it was just me who saw more than I should or maybe it's just them defining who they are more protrusively. 

With the quietest sigh on my lips, I picked up a fork carefully to make sure I don't make a noise while my eyes drifted back, involuntarily towards Ivan to find the missing piece and surely I wasn't disappointed. Standing behind Dimitri, out of his sight, I saw him standing in his shadow as the corner of his lips twisted in a smirk. His hooded eyes stared into me, promising an unknown curse that I hardly knew what was at that time. 

I barely felt the crunch in my mouth as I chewed the food slowly with my head held down as two pairs of eyes emerald eyes shined brighter than the glimmer of the candle lights in front. 

****

I needed to get out of here. There was no doubt of it but the question that loomed heavier than anything was, how? The worse thing was that he knew I couldn't leave even if I wanted to. He had me bound by an invisible rope. He had Liza. A reason strong enough to keep me chained to his anchor of reasons which I had yet to figure out for myself.

It was quite the change in the circumstances and I could literally hear it faintly through the walls as the two men talked heatedly amongst themselves. Why would he even want Ivan here? How was he here? and What exactly was his purpose?

The fire crackled softly as the crisp log of wood burned in its embers. I was put in a different room and I couldn't be more thankful. The stacks of books lining the walls were a welcoming sight as was the dark vintage piano sitting quietly on one side of the piano. Snowfall pelted down from the sky as the day so dim stood amongst the dark woods lifelessly, swaying with the leaves, composing a melody of nature. I was feeling somewhat calm as I sat on the bench and looked at the keys in front of me and thought about how it would feel like to touch them.

Curiosity was burning high as I contemplated sneaking out of the room. The possibility of that happening seemed so slim yet I wanted to try. I might finally get some answers.

A deep exhale and I closed my eyes as the cold touch greeted me and warmed my heart, soothing my senses as I played to myself which I thought was lost. 

Recommend to read while listening to the YouTube song linked above.