Afraid // Sequel to Always

Chapter 5

My fingers fumble around the box, then I pause. My hand tightens around a picture frame. I slowly pick it up, my breath heavy. I open my eyes and see the photo. My eyes start to water and my lips curve into a smile at the memory.

10 people, 10 friends, 2 couples, 1 day.

We're all lined up, together as one, smiling, laughing, some still in their unfinished conversation. I notice straight away, Katniss and I talking happily. I was in love with her, even then, I just didn't know it. We're all so young, so unharmed. Unaware of our future. I remember this time clearly, when we were around thirteen or fourteen or even fifteen.

Beside us, Finnick and Annie. They fell in love the moment they met, and you can tell their chemistry from this one picture. Annie has a hand on his cheek and he is staring at her with his grin, some things have not changed. Sometimes I walk downstairs and see them in that exact postition.

Next to them, the other couple. The one who never failed to try live the rest of their lives together. Cato and Clove. They're stuck in a tight embrace, and Marvel, who stands beside them, is smiling because Cato is giving him a thumbs-up.

Next on is Glimmer, but even though she's standing close to Marvel, she is facing towards Johanna and Gale; even though Gale wasn't really a part of the 'group', we still knew him and he would join along some days. That's where the part about him being in love with Katniss came in. Anyhow, those three are struck in a conversation, and Gale is actually smiling.

I stare at this photo in amazement, it takes me a moment to actually place it. It had to be some day at school. Someone took a phone or camera and sneakily stole a picture. I'm glad, though. The sun shines through the red leaves on the hollow tree. The one we used to sit underneath. The one where we would climb up and eventually get in trouble. It's beautiful-truly. I stare at it longer, trying to push myself. When everything was perfect...when it was like we didn't have a care in the world.

But nothing hurts me, the picture overtakes my sadness, and it instead makes me feel brighter. I put it down on my wardrobe, my body relaxing as it brings some sort of light to my room.

"Peeta?" Finnick calls, knocking on the door as he slowly opens it.

"Hey, Finnick." I say, feeling slightly dazed. It felt as if I was really there, now I'm back here. But seeing Finnick again, those same green eyes as the ones in the photo; I smile.

"Feeling cheery, Peeta?" Finnick grins, stepping into my room.

"I guess so." I shrug, digging my hands into my pockets.

"That's good, Peeta, that's really good." Finnick nods, standing there awkwardly. It turns into a silence, and then it's as if in one moment, we both collide in a hug. I wrap my arms around him tightly and he does the same. Instead of a hug to comfort me, or to bring me back to my senses, it's a hug where we can really show our friendship. That we're hugging because we just are. I smile slightly. His smell lingers of sea water, which is strange, since the closest part of ocean is a while away. But that's when I realise that it's Finnick, and it seems as if he has always had that smell. I suppose he always takes a chance whenever he can to go to a beach. Maybe that just happens to stay with him.

When we pull away, Finnick pushes back his golden hair, then he places a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry about this life, Peeta. I never told you just how much...how much it hurts me to know how much you've gone through." He isn't looking at me, and I realise now that moment of bright genuine friendship is gone. It seems he could break down at any moment, which is unusual for Finnick. At that moment, I know he is about to tell me another story about how he feels. And I'll just stand here, useless.

"I know how you feel. I don't need pity, Finnick. You lost her too, you know." I interrupt before he can continue, my heart beating fast. I never say those things aloud.

"I know. I did. And it hurts, doesn't it? She was awesome. One of my first friends. We both had our own roles, I was the cocky jerk and she loved that. Well, everyone did." Finnick rolls his eyes. I laugh, and he looks pleasantly surprised.

"You wish we could go back, don't you?" He raises his eyebrows. I know what he means. Back to our younger years.

"Of course. Don't you?" I ask.

"Obviously, Peeta. Why wouldn't I? It was such a great time. But then again, I wouldn't have Blu. He is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me," Finnick sits on the bed, and I take a seat next to him, "and then...we'd have to go through losing her again. That was hell."

I advert my eyes to the floor and nod, letting out a sniff. I can tell I'm healing, and I'm pretty sure Finnick can to. We haven't talked openly like this since it all happened. Even now, I'm finding it hard to feel nearly as much pain as I normally would.

"Anyway, I have some good news I wanted to tell you." Finnick clears his throat.

"Oh really?" I shake my head to clear my thoughts.

"Yeah, the doctors are willing to slow down on the drugs. Only one a day." He smiles.

Oh great, like I ever had any anyways.

"That's awesome." I say, trying to sound enthusiasic. But really, nothing has changed. If Finnick knows that I don't actually have the tablets, he shouldn't expect me to start having them now. They do nothing. But I will try to pretend for the moment anyway, to make him feel better.

"Yeah, it is." He looks down at his hands.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

Just like him, I can tell if something is not right when it comes to Finnick.

"Nothing, it's nothing." He looks me in the eyes, forcing a smile.

"Finnick." I force.

"Annie is pregnant, Peeta." Finnick's eyes gleam with tears, but the happiest tears I've ever seen. He is grinning, dimples outlined in his cheeks.

I shake my head, my whole mind going blank. I'm replaced with something, a spark of happiness. Small pieces of love, like a family, like Finnick's family. With one more on the way. A silver lining. And as if it seems appropriate, the light flicks on and Annie stands there, smiling as always. Genuinely.

The darkness is gone, and now it seems as Finnick turns his head, the only people in the room are those two.

"It's true, Peeta." Annie speaks, small tears running down her cheeks, but she's not looking at me.

"Annie." Finnick whispers, getting up and rushing to her, wrapping his arms around her. They both laugh and sob, shared in this embrace that no one else could ever understand.

I smile, watching them. Their love. I wish I had that. But as my eyes find that picture on the wardrobe, I know I already have. It's their time now.

I don't know how it happens, but in a second I'm up and walking towards them, my arms stretched to hug them. Without any words, they loosen from each other and instead tighten their arms around me.

"Congratulations." I choke out, giving a breathy laugh. They sniff and smile, nodding their heads.

We may not have much, but we have enough. We have the power to find light in the darkest of times.

And that's all I could ever ask for.

***

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