Clementine

Chapter 5

(I don't understand life. It's so confusing, one second you're a happy little ten year old girl, and the next you're all alone. I mean, I know I have Brady and Evan, and snookie and Amber. But nothing's the same and it never will be again. I won't get adopted. I gave up that little bit of hope I had about six months after I first got here. But now my chances are even worse. Nobody wants a fourteen year old girl.) I hear a knock on my door. It's a combo of five knocks, two pats, then three kicks. Brady and I's secret knock. I begin to get up but, then I remember what happened last night. What he said. I sit immediately back down. After a few minutes I'm almost sure he left. So, I lay on the floor and look under the door. (I haven't done this in years I feel so childish) He's still standing there, so I stand up and lean against the door.
"Clem, please let me in. I just want to talk to you. I'm really sorry about last night. Things didn't go like I wanted them to. I didn't want you to find out like that. Heck, I didn't want you to find out at all. But, the more and more I try to hide these feelings, I just feel guilty. I know it's a bad time and I know I'm not the ideal person, but I love you. Please talk to me..."
I sink down to the floor and put my back against the door.
"Please Clem?"
I stay silent. (I'll just wait until he leaves. He has to leave he can't stay outside my door forever.)I think he's gone. I check underneath the door again and I don't see anything. I crack it open and poke my head out. I can see his door shut. I step outside and close it as quietly as I can manage. I walk down to Evans room and knock lightly. It opens and he says in a booming voice,
"What?"
"Can I come in?"
"For?"
"I-I need your ad-v-ice..?" I squeak
He grants my request, and allows me inside. I walk in, and he puts his arms on both sides of me and shuts the door, forcing me to back up with it. It latches shut, but his arms don't come down. He moves his face so close to mine it's separated my only a few inches. I try to move my head back, but I'm stopped by the door. He looks into my eyes like he can see down in my soul. I open my mouth to tell him to get off of me, but I can't make any words come out. I can't do anything. He has me locked in place with his piercing blue eyes. He moves his face closer. I can't breathe. He whispers,
"Clementine tell me the truth..."
I nod.
"Are you on drugs?"
I push him away and he falls on the floor laughing.
"No I'm not doing drugs! What's wrong with you? You push me up against a wall to ask if I'm high?! I told you, I just need your advice."
He smirks, "Okay, shoot."
"You know what? Nevermind, you won't be a help." I turn and open the door, step out, and slam it in his face. (Okay Evan is no help, Amber and Snookie are to young to understand boys. So, that leaves Brady. But I can't do that hints the advice is on him. What to do what to do.) my mind lurches to ask miss Henry but, then I remember. And I break down in tears. Apparently I'm really loud,because Brady comes out with a worried look on his face.
"What's going on?" He demands
I look at him as if I was annoyed
"Nothing just leave me alone! I don't like you, don't you get that?! Sometimes, I swear, you can be so vacuous." I almost scream at him.
He looks so hurt.(He's going to lash out at me. He's going to get defensive and lash out. I know him. That's what he's going to do.)A tear runs down his cheek.
"Well, joke's on you!! I don't know what vacuous means! Why did I ever like you?"
(There it is...) (I almost want to scream and yell and punch him. But I also want to hug him. He's been here for me for four years. And I mean, who wouldn't have guessed he'd end up liking me or me liking him? And this is how I repay him for all those years of being my best friend through it all?? What is wrong with me? I may have just gotten rid of the best person in my life for good..)he stomps off crying and locks himself in the bathroom. I can hear him screaming "you aren't good enough for her!" And then I hear glass shatter. I run to the door and pound on it.
"Brady come out! I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry!! I didn't mean it I'm just having a bad day. Please Brady? Please..."
I get no answer so I kick the door. I pound and pound and pound. Then, I back up and run full speed at it. I collide with the door and I'm almost positive I dislocated my shoulder, but it swings open. I see him, his back turned. He drops a price of red glass and turns around. Gripping his wrist dripping with blood, he whispers,
"I'm sorry.."
I run to him and he falls into my arms. I lay his head on my lap and examine what he's done to himself.
"Oh god oh god oh god" I repeat it over and over.
He has tears constantly streaming down his face. And they are joined by mine in a puddle on the floor.
"It's so deep. Why would you do that?" I can hardly speak.
My throat pinches tight and I can't breathe. I hold his face and look into his brown eyes. I try to concentrate on them. (Brown with golden flakes in the middle and green on the edges. Focus.) I can't focus. I lean down and kiss him.
"I love you, Brady" I whisper by his ear.
And with that, he's gone. (My best friend, gone from this world forever and I'm to blame. I shouldn't have said anything to him. I SHOULD HAVE LET HIM HELP ME!! What's wrong with me I'm so stupid. I loved him. And I was just to afraid to admit it. If I had, Brady wouldn't have done this. I made him do this. I don't deserve to be here. He deserves to know that I'm sorry and I didn't mean anything. I have to tell him. I have to die. It's the only way I can see him and tell him.) I reach over for a sharp piece of glass. I cry one last time. I hold it to my wrist and I press hard enough for blood to surface. I'm about to slide it down when Evan walks in. (Evan. Hmm. He can't help me nobody can. Evan doesn't even care about me. He cares about himself.) He dives to the ground and snatches my glass. I yell,
"Hey!! Give that back! I need to do this!!"
"You don't have to. This isn't your fault. Please listen to me, I can't take any more deaths of the people I love. It's tearing me apart. Please Clementine"
"It's all my fault! He liked me. HE LIKED ME! And I rejected him, cold. You don't understand do you? You just don't get it. This isn't normal! I'm not normal! This is no coincidence. Renee disappears, miss Henry dies, Brady commits suicide?! Don't you see, I'm cursed! Get away from me! You'll end up dead like them! Take the girls get out of here!"
He looks puzzled.
"GO!!" I scream and lay down with Brady. I lean on his chest and cry. Evan gets up yelling for Amber and Alice and sprints down the hall. I stand up, fling open the medicine cabinet, and select three red colored doctor prescriptions. I open the first and swallow ten pills, then the second bottle and eat about fifteen. Last I crack open the third prescription and swallow every single pill. Then I fall to the ground and cry. I can't do this. I throw them up as much as I can. Then everything spins. And I mean spins wicked fast around me. And everything goes fuzzy and hazy and I reach out to touch something, anything. Then everything goes black.