Never yours

Chapter one

"Have you found yourself?are you apart of this whole lie?" He said.these words kept on playing with my mind until I felt the need to stand up. I could literally feel like I was leaning into the fucking world. I walk around my room "crap it's 07:50" I yell out, yeah those are a few things about me I tend to get nervous when am late oh and you wanna know why ? My mother will be downstairs yelling up at me about shit we were supposed to be doing last week. Correct that it's the stuff am supposed to be doing .my mom and I barely talk . She's got a job that has made her fall in love with wherever crap is inside her work place. When I was younger it was a big deal cause I would see all these other kids having things called parties,baptism and all other stuff that don't make sense to me now . But I was that weird kid that never really was there . My mom was always gone and I had to stay with important and famous nunnies that i almost forgot the face of my mother one summer .and oh yeah I mentioned femous and important I wanted you to imagine that kind of lifestyle but yes I was ordinary but that's not what my mothers credit card said .

"Camel,why are you always late ?" She yelled as she snapped at me in bed I turned the other side of my bed "it's the first day of school,just the first day camel and you can't even manage to keep your shit together ?" She was yelling now. I could feel her eyes planted on me . I didn't want to look at her she would see the bugs under my eyes and would tell I had a long night . Yeah i had one and it was true it was one of those nights where I had decided to be productive and go over my chemistry homework that Mr Bittonerd. Thought I needed to see through before the term had ended last year . I know the homework would hae been proven to be useless,christ sake you want to know why I still had it . It cause I always was busy last term and didn't get the time to see through it that time the teacher wanted me too so I did that last night ."mom I will be up,give me a second"I said whining about and as I watched her leave I was relived but also knew she would be back not so long so I went to the bathroom quickly showered and dried myself .i didn't always give in a care to whatever I wore cause with a body like this I was able to wear whatever and still look good besides I was getting tired of people having to judge me cause of my beauty. 20minutes after am downstairs ready and eating my breakfast which I don't get to finish as my mom is dragging me to the car so she could drop me off .

At seventeen,my mom thinks it's still not safe for me to have me driving around which am much embarrassed about .soon we arrive at school and she parks waiting for me to get out of her car"take care , darling you don't want to miss college over bad grades" she sings while looking over from the side of her eye . I hate when she goes on about college cause ofCause I know I can fucking get into any college. my grades are average but am worth it or at least I think so . I get out and head to My first period am already late and no one is in the hallway apart from Jill and her crap group of cheerleaders. I was really hoping to not get in anything with her today . I wasn't in the mood so I walked calmly past her until I heard "your face needs to be remade. Jesus you look like a corpse having a bad coffin day " she giggles with her bunch of groupies. I walk back and move real close to her "when will you realise that me and you don't get along and I could probably fucking knock you out but I choose not to cause of the rules , now b you have to really be careful watch your words " I said as I closely lingered around her I could tell she was shivering and she knew I could see it so she shrugged off. I didn't realise what a scene I was causing ,it was like watching a freaky lesbian mystery . I walked off without anymore to say . Being in school was always not my ideal of a good time but I had Natalie

She was everything I was and god sometimes I looked at her and it scared me to think someone out there was as crazy as me and we were fucking insane to start with . And as I was a class below her she was in senior year and I was below but we made sure no one got cought up we always had the time .

A few meters and am seeing her walking towards me she's smiling hard as fuck and I can tell that she's fucking high . yeah that was our routine get high before school ,come to school wasted and look for more intoxication while in school .
"B,where the fuck where you? She says as she slaps my head." I was looking for you through the first whole period" she puts her bag in her locker . "You know I had an early lesson babe ,why you tripping ?" I say making funny hand gestures "anyway am high ad the munchies are kicking in let's go find something to eat" we walk down to the school canteen and buy ourselves two hotdogs and mini cokes . We sear around and start planning of what we should be doing after school "I think we should go to the other guys house ,he's got so much weed and it's the loud dank " she says while dancing and making faces "sure we could " well we are. We stick around the bathrooms longer but I know I can't miss my biology lesson this time so I am forced to stand up wash my face ,try not to look dopy which is usually a fail as I end up looking so anyways. "Nat,I have to go . Bio is a bitch and so is it's teacher" I say while heading out u could tell she was already finding ways to make me stay as our other wasn't there .fartun. She's also one of my close friends she is really fun and always protective about the way me and Natalie carry ourselves around but she still sticks around. But today she wasn't with us she was probably somewhere in a lesson I could guess . So i headed out without listening to anything Natalie had to say . It's only stairs away to my class and soon am already there . Holy cow am already late. I pass through Rows as my class mates look at me . I settle to seat a seat away from Omar . Yeah he's the Arab kid in my class who's so fucking beautiful only problem is he's fifteen and a fucking genius ,yes that's why he's in the same class, he skipped classes cause he was way too clever for a grade below. Did I have to explain that? Anyway me and him used to be super close cause I am close friends with his older brother ayman and his family friend Omar Hassona . But now they are back in Egypt so am forced to hang out with my losers Natalie and Fartun but it's worth it anyway to think of it . Your probably wondering why we aren't close ? Well honestly I don't know too It was just one day we didn't talk next thing I know we weren't talking for a good month and now it's come to this. But I miss him, lord knows terribly I always had this thing for him I didn't know wether it was platonic or a crush so I let it be that way. But as I seat there I can feel him left to me staring I didn't know why I could feel his eyes on me and I wanted to look back but I couldn't I wasn't about to show him that I was a weak link to his sabotage eye gestures so I looked ahead . I looked at the teacher mumble a couple things I hadn't had an idea of . Every time this happened I felt sad that I didn't know shit , I didn't want to end up a nothing I had dreams I was always a dreamer but every morning I woke up with different feeling about myself and the world that I woke up too. "Carmel,are you writing down what am teaching ?" Mr leonine asked . I froze for a second cause I was I was instead lost in thought this always happened to me ,I always sometimes drifted away and left my body somewhere well this time it was in a class. I looked through my bad to find a pen "shit, I mattered to myself , I always don't have fuxking pens as I wonder why am in school. so I take a look around class wondering who my innocent begging eyes would capture to help me with one. My eyes rested on Omar and he looked back and signed "well you can use mine Carmel ,but I need it back after this lesson " handing the pen and grinning with a smirk on his face . I stretched out my hand to get it but he teased me for a while until I got hold of the pen . This was our old habit since way back him always needing to carry extra pens cause he knew well I always didn't carry any . But time had passed since those days. I wondered had he carried on the habit hoping one day I would need a pen and he would have to give in the one he had or was it simply that I was just lucky that he carried it . I shrugged off my sensitive consciousness why couldn't I just accept I had luckily found a pen and go ahead and write my go damn notes . Well I started to write soon I had Sam tapping my back. I didn't want to go through an argument so I kept writing but he kept going on so I turned "what Sammy what ? " looking at his curly hair which was slightly arranged today . Sammy was a biker who was still in school we were close but soon we hadn't been talking because it would have been strange since he was always hanging with Omar . "Woman, calm down I only wanted to ask if your going for the rave on Friday ?" He mentioned smiling exposing his perfect smile. Sammy was one of those guys who was strangely good looking the ones your role a glimpse at and they were straight handsome but when you kept looking you realized he had flaws and they weren't exactly perfect. He had a scar on his face that was visible that he had told me he had got from a biking accident with his brother years earlier . Well the girls liked him but with me I didn't feel that way in that when we were new in school he had the biggest crush on me but it wore off as we become better friends "hello are you fucking listening to me?" He said this time a little louder that it startled me ."well I don't know yet ,are you going ?" I said looking down at my notes . "Well me and Omar are going you might as well as come,it's going to be fun am guessing ,hotties everywhere"he said making faces of how he would lick the shit out if those girls "ew Sammy get out of my face!" I said laughing . Sammy was always full of bulshit and his never ending stories of girls he had hooked up with and dated they always amused me . He stopped talking finally and went back to writing so did I . This went on for like thirty minutes till the bell rung and it was time to go for another lesson . I was picking my stuff when Omar came around "hey you" he said I was too busy trying to fit my books in my bag to notice he was even there so he had to say it twice "Carmel " he screamed and I quickly got my face out of my bag to seat face to face with his lining face down my desk "thought you were suffocating,what were you doing in your bag" he said smiling exposing his perfect set of teeth and smirking at me again ,does he always have to do that? God he's so good looking" well I was trying to fix my books.came here for your pen ?" I asked looking where I had placed it "Carmel , you can keep it for the day I know you have more lessons and you don't have any" he replied looking straight at me and I looked back I wanted to ask him why he had stopped talking to me . I wanted to tell him how bad I felt that we weren't talking . I wanted to slap his fucking face off for making me feel angry to why we weren't talking I mean I really wasn't supposed to care he was just an ordinary boy why I was angry I have no clue "why did you do it ?" I asked while I kept the eye contact intense. He looked down "do what ? Carmel " he replied still looking down but I kept looking at him " stop speaking to me , you act like am not fucking there even when am arms close " I spat back at his question " wait what ? You think am avoiding you and not speaking to you?" He looked puzzled as he spoke "well what should we call it if it's not that ? Top secret service, no shit Sherlock ." I spoke and I felt a certain anger raising I felt my hands tremble,why was I angry let alone of all people at Omar ? " well Carmel your acting childish that's what you should call this " he spoke Calmly. I always admired the way he always managed to keep himself together . Maybe he was right I was childish and stupid . This was all stupid I should have never talked to him . "Maybe your right am overreacting,here's your pen Omar I have a class to be in " I spoke while I got up to leave he kept standing there looking at me . "Carmel I didn't say anything offensive or meaning to offend you am just saying you weren't talking what did you expect me to do ?" I stopped there and turned took one look at him and headed out . My other periods weren't interesting nothing could get my mind off Omar and the shut he had said to me . Maybe I was being melodramatic .