Never yours

Chapter two .

Well at least now I was home I no longer needed to worry about Omar and school it was a Friday night and I needed to call my cousin to see if we were going out "Lauren ,girl we going out or nah?" I shouted through the phone "calm down why do you seem so fussed up ?" She replied laughing "well schools been shitty for me so I just wanna go out and have a good time ,please tell me you can make this happen" I said sounding squeaky I knew it always worked with her . Well for starters Lauren is my cousin but we are more than just cousins she's like my other oh well . We go out do whatever together and come back to our families claiming the biggest nuns of all time to ever have walked this earth . We've been doing this for years now .so basically I love her . "Young lady, you bulshit voice air gonna work with me " she shouted back at me . I knew I hard to work my game a little harder just in time for her to give in and she did ." Well will meet in an hour at the supermarket right" she asked " yes yes let me shower will let you know when am closest to town " so I put the phone down and went too I a shower . God I need that . I always take cold showers ,they are always better considering they make me get abit of sober from whatever junk I consumed at school that helps and it clears my eyeballs too . Soon I was applying make up ,it always takes me so long to decide which clothes I want to put on so I have to call Lauren again " wait don't hung up , I know this is stupid but what are you wearing I need to make up my mind ? I speak into my phone why looking through my drawers "am wearing shorts so be useful and wear something short too. Who're ish Fridays tonight babe "I quickly smile at my self and say " thanks your such a babe " while putting her offline . Well we always decided on what to wear and this particular day a guy had been texting the both of us and it was he's birthday tonight so we decided to show up both . I wondered how he'd react . I mean our plan was easily set out .we would show up together make sure we approach him together and dance with him the both of us see how intense it would get . But to me it wasn't that easy I had known Khalifa for a year and we had always had our on and offs but I still did love him. But with this new discovery that him and my cousins were close too . I couldn't imagine what the fuck had happened . But I sat there and thought . Thought about us . About the way he'd been treating me since we had gained contact after a long time of not speaking . And I asked myself why I loved him but I had no reason and I didn't need one I loved him all the same . But there was something that I couldn't accept that through the times we hadn't been together he had changed and I too had changed so had our feelings and us getting back only meant that we were trying so had to remember what we had in the past . Trying to remember enough to make it reality but this wasn't a movie and there were no time machines when I was born so it was inevitable and I had to accept it . This got me thinking of my cousin Lauren .she was young and beautiful and she deserved someone who would appreciate that about her so i remembered her face when she talked about Khalifa , the way she smiles ,smirked every time I mentioned his name . And it got me thinking I had felt love and it was already gone she had too but it was still around she needed to stay and I need to probably think a place I could get good dank for the night and I did so we met later that night as planed and we were on our way .she was eager about our plan but I had already let go of it but we still needed to pull it off but it wasn't what I was thinking now . I was just happy that we were going out and I was not going to have one of those lonely nights in with my head a million away from my body into thoughts I myself didn't seem to find relevant . So we reached It looked a good night and I was abit sober by the time we got there and oh there's Khalifa well am guessing he's pretty messed considering it's his birthday . So me and her go to great him . Well he greats us and he's not even abit shaken am guessing with alcohol fear's away . Well we started drinking but am not so much of a drinker so I don't drink that much of alcohol but the nights going okay and we carry out out plan well it's going perfect only thing is he's not noticing anything strange in two girls dancing with him at the same time and soon or later it's a joke and we are dancing with a bunch of people around and it seems okay but am getting tired so I presume to sitting down while people are taking shots .giving each other body offers I mean body shots . They seem to be having fun . Well I have always been that kind of person who observes while others are living . So I seat in the corner and look at people .their facial expressions as they speak . The laughter . The noise . God isn't it satisfying to seat around and absorb people'a happiness to your broken reality . My answer is it is . That's what I do . That's what I have always done . Well soon enough the noise goes down and notice people around me are getting settled some are talking intimately and some still catching up on their so called bromance . And am just seated there at the end of the bar with a sprite in my glass deciding when I should sneak out for my next smoke . Oh well that's when I notice that there's been someone standing a couple seats next to me he's also watching and observing what's going on like he's not part of it there's something that made me want to stand up and talk to him so I did .on my way there I kept cursing myself to why I was doing this"fucking hell Carmel" but I couldn't stop now I was half way there and he probably noticed that I was. Coming his way and would think it was weird if I stopped and turned around "you still can do it and pretend this never happened " an inner voice echoed but I kept walking till I was face to face with him not exactly face to face cause lets just say I was tall as his chest so that's not face to face . "Hello there , umm have you seen Khalifa or Lauren ? " I asked this was the first thing that came up to my mind how else was I going to confront him "well I haven't but am looking for Khalifa to if that comforts you to hear" he replied looking closely at him he looked like the boy I had seen in a friends phone and this particular friend is called Hilary . You haven't had much of him but he's something else . He was one of those people who you couldn't help but love . The way they carried themselves ,the way they spoke ,the calm he always brought and influenced around him we had gotten so close that he was like a brother . Ad this particular person looked so familiar to the people Hilary had shown me "are you a friend of Hilary by any chance ? I asked hoping I probably wasn't hallucinating and it wasn't all in my head . "Yeah I go to the same school as him . He's my homie " he replied his face full of surprise yet he seemed to have lightened up from first when I met him, this at least gave me the courage to keep talking "oh really well we stay really close to each other so we are pretty close " wait what did I just say ,is staying near a person an excuse to closeness of that person . Yeah am pretty stupid if I didn't mention that earlier . We kept on talking about Hilary and how he'd managed to talk about one another to each of us about the other and well to some extend at least we hadn't physically met but knew But somewhere out there I knew a person called William existed and he knew someone called Carmel existed .which was good for starters " well umm do you smoke weed? I found myself asking him which I regretted after but I had nothing to lose . Yes I did think he would question my morals and judge me but everyone else did why would I care if he did. Surprisingly he didn't he just looked down at me for a while hesitant to speak and when he did "yes I do matter fact I wanted to go smoke abit but Khalifa isn't anywhere around " well I was happy that he did as I wanted to ask him if we could just smoke but again I didn't want to put it out in a wrong way I didn't want to have him thinking something else so I kept nodding till he spoke again " do you want to go somewhere maybe get high for a bit though I can't stay for long I have to be going home soon ." He asked hesitant and I just nodded till I noticed all I had been really doing was nodding "yes ofCause I would want " so with this we headed out of the bar and to a muddy road leading us a head .well it was a bit tricky to smoke around an area like this considering the fact there were so many security guards for the club and public parking around but from no where we found this area which had been put off display and was guarded with hard metallics all around it which left the inside of it alone and left out well somehow we realized there was a way in a small passage am not sure if this was legal to even go there considering it was in the night and what would people think we were doing there anyway ." Don't you think we could go on " I asked and he looked around and in the place he observed how wide and abandoned it was or looked and answered "is this legal , hope we don't end in prison . I still think it's perfect though " well I caught myself smiling cause I had thought the same thing too the moment I set my eyes on it's wilderness the way the grass had grown wildly and un taken care a whole large space of nothing at all . " better get in before this flashing cats soon notice there's something wrong " I spoke as I got In first and he did next I liked it that he had trusted me crazy enough to come in there with me. " better find a place to seat,we aren't going to stand here all might right" he spoke looking around .i had been so lost admiring the place that I hadn't thought of that but now I did but he'd already found us a place to seat and so we did . It was calm and it was a way from the music and everything . I felt calm and relaxed . Soon he was pulling out a joint . It was really big I wondered away who had rolled it ? Why was it that big? " well this is all I have and we should start off we don't have the whole night" he said lighting it and he took the first . I looked at him as he inhaled he looked like a little boy who had finally re united with his favorite" toy car and had kissed it cause he didn't know how else to express his happiness that he had finally found it ."well are you going to keep staring at me or your going to smoke too ? He said while he handed me the joint which I inhaled and puffed out did it again and again and again . And I handed it back he did the same too and it was a matter if time until we were a abit high I can say and when am high am so much of a dreamer . It grows from observing to dreaming to looking to appreciating . "Look at the sky,isn't it beautiful ?" He mentioned as he looked up "yes it's beautiful ,sometimes I think the most hidden beauty is that of the night " I replied looking up he paused and looked at me before saying a whole lot of meaningful things that matter and still matter to me but can't put in words . Let's just say I had never met a person of who's character interested me so much and kept me talking because he thought like I did he talked like I did only different because with each word . His only sounded much more meaningful and I fell in love with the way he spoke of the world , the way he spoke of the night and the universe .the way he paused between sentences as he spoke passionately about the things he loved to do . The way he wanted to know about me . No one I know was interested in what I had to say like he did . He was listening . The way he looked at me when I spoke like he wasn't just making a conversation but actually wanted to be there and listen . And I spoke on and on and I kept going he kept listening . He didn't stop listening neither did he make me stop. I got carried away till I realized I was selfish but this wasn't something new I had always been selfish but that was with the decisions I took . We kept on talking till he said " I think we should go back in , it's getting late we've been here for like an hour or what " we started walking back and soon we realized that it had started drizzling . Ya Allah all this time we hadn't realized it . Is this what it felt like to have a good conversation with someone ,so good that you stop realizing the changes that occur around you. I was happy that I had felt this way . "Am so happy I met you tonight " I exclaimed still walking back to the bar and it took him matter of time to speak "same here . Thanks for your time" he said while we approached the bar . We were now on a steady pace as he had to find his brother and leave . But I couldn't stop thinking of how he was magnificent . Is that the right word? But I should say his words were . The way he spoke .the motion . The way he saw the world . The way he carried himself . I had never met some one full of philosophy as he was . And I liked it .