MCYT Angst Oneshots

It's not there ~Trans Ranboo~

a/n: so... i recently found out that ranboo stated he's okay with trans and nonbinary headcannons and uhh.... i wrote some shit because i'm now craving this content. also i haven't been keeping up with stuff as much so um if something happened where ranboo moved out or something then let's pretend he still lives with techno and phil

TW- A bit of self harm, transphobia, panic attacks, derealization (i've had a few encounters with this myself, so if you struggle with this, just know you're real, and the people around you are too) 

The voices. They had come back. He thought he'd gotten rid of them, why were they still here? There were more. They were mocking him. Chanting things he knew had to be true. Because the voices were him. And they were right. He wasn't a boy. He dug his fingernails into his palms until he bled. It was wrong to think she was a boy, she was born a girl, and she couldn't change that. 

You're a freak. They'll all hate you. They'll leave you. They always do. You're a girl. You always-

"JUST SHUT UP!" Ranboo screamed. They were gone. Finally. They-

They were back and louder. They screamed words of hate at him, drowning out all his surroundings, numbing him to the pain he felt as tears streaked down his face. He was to caught up in his thoughts to notice someone coming towards him. "Ranboo?"

"P-Phil? No. No. You-you're not real. They're making you up. Your'e going t-to get hurt again. P-p-please don't hurt him Dream. I'll-I'll listen to you I-I swear just don't-"

"Ranboo!" Phil couldn't watch the poor boy mutter to himself any longer. "Ranboo I'm real." Phil placed his palm in Ranboo's. "See? feel my hand? I'm real. You're real. And we're safe. Dream isn't going to hurt us here. Okay? Now try to follow my breathing."

Those words had calmed Ranboo enough to try and gain the rest of his composure. After he had calmed down, Phil asked the oh-so-dreaded question, "What happened, Ranboo?"

Ranboo was too tired to make himself lie, and quite frankly, care enough to lie. So he started off with what he knew would make Phil disappointed. "Well... I'm-I'm trans, and I couldn't f-f-f-f-find m-my binder." Ranboo stuttered breathing starting to get erratic once again. He didn't even have to look up, he knew he would see a disappointed, disgusted face staring back.

But, unknowing to Ranboo, Phil's expression had softened even more. "Do you have any other binders?"

"W-what? You're not mad?" 

Phil struggled to keep in a laugh, knowing this wasnt the time. "Of course not! Why would I be? Now do you have any more binders?"

"N-no. They-the rest were in my h-house at L'manburg. It-it's fine, I d-don't need one anyways. I was b-b-born a girl, and-and it's wrong to think otherwise."

Phil realized just how much this boy was dealing with. He knew the voices picked out every little flaw you had until you were nothing, and Ranboo had something that already made him uncomfortable. The voices grab on to that and shove it into your face. "Ranboo, you are a boy. You are valid. You're as much of a man as I am. Okay? I promise we'll get you some more binders, alright?"

Ranboo, still not completely believing Phil's statement, sighed out an, "O-okay."

"Alright. Now, we'll go ask Fundy where we can find some, because even though we aren't on the best of terms, he wouldn't want someone who needed it to go without one."

"W-why would Fundy-? Oh..." Ranboo cut himself off, realizing Fundy was trans.

"'Kay." Phil said, smiling. "Now let's get inside, shall we?"