Random (And AWESOME) Short Stories

Revenge of The Calves

Kris Tomoose sat at a cafeteria table in Mills Upper Elementary School.  He was savoring the lunch he had brought from home: a veal steak.

Sitting across from him was Sharon, his girlfriend.  "Hey, Kris," she said, trying to get his attention.  When he didn't respond, she waved her hand in his face and repeated herself, a little louder this time.  But Kris was completely absorbed in his meal.

Eventually, Sharon was forced to punch Kris's shoulder while screaming, "KRIS, PAY ATTENTION, YOU LAZY SACK!"  That caused him to leap a foot in the air and bash his thighs against the bottom of the table.  (Sharon also got an icy glare from the lunchroom monitor.)

"You know, you don't have to scream at me every time you need to tell me something,"  Kris said, both annoyed and amused at the same time.

"Well, you weren't responding to anything else."

"What did you want to tell me, anyway?"

"That you should really stop eating veal," Sharon replied, nodding toward his lunch.  "You know, the poor baby cow that got killed for that steak had a mother, and probably aunts, uncles, and siblings, too.  How do you think they're feeling right now?"  (Sharon was very protective of cute and fluffy animals.)

Kris started to reply, but was cut off by Sharon saying, "Plus, it's February third!"

"Umm . . . why is that significant?"

"Honestly, Kris!  February third is Cow Appreciation Day, remember?  The posters have been up for weeks!"

"Oh, yeah!"

"And is eating their babies a good way to appreciate mother cows?"  Sharon said, crossing her arms.

Kris replied, "You know, veal is considered a contribution that cows make to human society."

Sharon sighed.  "How did you even get hooked on veal, anyway?"

Suddenly, Kris was reliving a day seven months earlier - the first time he had ever tasted veal.

It had been the summer before, when his family took their annual trip to Maryland to see his relatives.  Aunt Betty had taken them to an "absolutely divine" steakhouse ten miles away from her home in Annapolis.  Kris remembered just about every detail of that place.  The stuffed giraffe head in the corner, the lion above the table, the polar bear in the glass case in the entryway . . . (He would have to remember not to describe the restaurant to Sharon.)  His dad offered him a plate of tender-looking meat and said, "Go on, son, try it."

So he did.  That tender, juicy meat became his favorite food, right then and there.  Later, when his dad told him what he had eaten, Kris almost decided not to eat veal anymore (he thought baby cows to be very cute), but it was so yummy, he couldn't help himself.

However, before he could tell his story to Sharon, a sharp ding ding ding - the bell - as good as mauled their eardrums.  Everybody in the cafeteria winced before standing to dump their lunch trays.

And it was there, standing by the trash can, that Sharon said it.

"You know, someday a giant horde of calves are going to come after you and maul you.  Then you'll reconsider this whole veal thing."

Now, nobody knows if what happened next was meant to happen right after Sharon said that, or if it was just a coincidence.  Whatever the reason, about two seconds after Sharon's comment, Kris spotted something very . . . strange through the glass of the front doors.

"Hey . . . what's that?"  he said, pointing and frowning.

About fifty feet from the front doors, what appeared to be a huge blob was moving swiftly towards the building.  The mass was a mixture of brown, white, and black, some patches larger than others.  Kris and Sharon squinted, trying to see what the heck it was.  Then other kids in the cafeteria started staring, too.  Kris could hear their whispers very clearly.