Vince laid his head on the steering wheel. He inhaled deeply, biting the inside of his cheek as he gripped the wheel, taking the keys out of the car.
Nikki was gone. That was his bandmate's funeral he just went to. It felt surreal - like any moment he'd be waking up on the tour bus, disoriented, and look around only to see Tommy curled up with the bassist. He let out a slight, distressed sound. He needed the solitude.
He laid his head on the steering wheel, closing his eyes and letting his blonde hair fall around his face, covering it almost as a veil. The funeral was taxing on everyone present. Tommy was a mess, practically inconsolable as he spoke about his love. Not a minute into the eulogy and he had to be taken away - he damn near collapsed right there, unable to breathe through his tears. Mick had just gotten all the attendees to leave - Vince was holding onto Tommy, each heaving sob from the usually starry-eyed drummer piercing him like a thorn in his side. He'd promised Nikki that he'd do what he had to - the day of the funeral, that was to console Tommy as best as he could.
It was a warm night, he remembered. In '83, perhaps '84. The entire band was in a hotel, and Vince had left to go for a walk at night. He remembered strolling through the garden, mind empty in the best possible way. He walked for maybe a half hour, before stumbling upon Nikki there. He closed his eyes - despite his resistance, his mind dragged him back.
*
"What the fuck, Nikki? Why aren't you with Tommy?"
"Shut up."
His voice had a lower pitch than usual - and it cracked slightly. Vince frowned, sitting down when he felt a slightly warm liquid touch his hand.
Blood.
"Your arm - what -"
"I happened," He laughed dryly, "Wasn't supposed to bleed this much, though..."
A frown formed on his face. He opened his mouth to talk, only to be cut off.
"Don't. It's been a long time coming, I can't keep living, Vince. One way or another, I'm not going to survive too long. Hey, hey don't make that face, look at me - I need someone to be strong, power through once... Once I do it. I might have a few years left, but I can't hold off forever. I just need you to swear you won't tell Tommy. I need you to swear you'll bee there when he needs you."
Nikki's head was bent down - almost as if he was ashamed. "Tommy doesn't know about this. He can't, not yet. If I could, I would make it not ever, he deserves so much better," His voice cracked, as he inhaled deeply. "Vince, I hate asking people for things. I just want to make sure, that once I die, you'll be there for Tommy. I can't leave him alone, I love him far too much for that..."
He'd been at a loss for words. He simply nodded, panicking and unsure what to do. He looked at the gashes in his arms, before looking into Nikki's green eyes. He expected some sort of panic, but was met with simply a chuckle.
"I'm not planning anything. Don't worry. I can't leave yet. All I'm saying is that I will, inevitably, end it. And Tommy's not going to be ready. He's going to want more time. I don't blame him - he's... Attached, I suppose you could say. Not that I'm any different. He's what's keeping me here."
Vince inhaled deeply. "Let's get you inside..."
He dragged Nikki to his feet.
"I've got letters. I've written them to Tommy. Things I want to tell him... Things he deserves to know. Things I want to say, one day. After... That happens, and Tommy's healed over enough... Can you give them? He deserves that."
Vince was at a loss. All he could do was nod - he was going to lose his friend. His close friend, and all he could do was nod. He felt pathetic, he wanted to scream, slap him, something! He wanted to get him to make sense.
Most of all, he wanted this to be some sick joke.
*
The tears fell at a rate comparable to Tommy's - he leaned forward, keys out of ignition. He inhaled, deep as he could and opened the glove compartment, grabbing the bag of letters Nikki had left. He ran his fingers over the plastic, before taking out one labelled "Funeral - don't wait."
He had a trip to make. To Tommy, who was obviously still reeling from the loss.
Vince didn't think that would ever change.
