Fatal Attraction | D.M. (Soft Rewrite)

Chapter Thirty-One - Without Equal

Finally resting, with her chin on his shoulder, she noticed the pattern of aches over her body. So exhausted, even the idea of holding her head upright, was painful.

Focusing on her breathing, to unbind the tight knot in her stomach. She was limp in his arms. With nothing left to give her fraught muscles.

Draco had muddled her senses. Everything he had done was beyond comparison.

Even if she was no expert. Having only lost her virginity right before everything started to go wrong last year. She knew, he was without equal.

Blaise had been a distraction – a necessary transition to reunite her with a part of her former self – a person who was allowed to feel pleasure.

When everything happened, her mind was riddled with perverse thoughts, which insisted on pain. Regardless, of Fleur's theory – that her parents would want her to be happy. What she really needed was penance.

But there was no supreme being to remove her guilt. There would be no answers to her prayers. There was no way to communicate with the deceased. No means to unload the words left unsaid.

She soon realised – she would have to handle it herself. By taking away her own joy – or happiness – or any remotely self-centred feeling. Just so she didn't abandon them.

She felt underserving of happiness, without them to share it with. And in some warped way, staying bereft – stopping herself from moving on – felt like pausing time.

She knew there would be no more hugs or congratulations. They wouldn't see her graduate or marry. So, it had been easier to hide and wallow in grief – than face those events alone.

It took time and a lot of mental wrangling to change that. To become a person who no longer wants to stop living.

Transferring to Hogwarts had been more than just a new start, insofar as it was a new place with new people. Really it was her – the girl sorted into Slytherin – the person falling for Draco. She was new.

That didn't mean her guilt and mourning were over. Nor could she always control her self-destructive thoughts and behaviours. Often provoked by her nightmares.

But she had invited pleasure back into her life. She was making room for worrying about romance and her future. Instead of hiding away. She was living.

That's why her feelings for Draco were so significant. Every memory made with him was a terrifying step away from her past, into a future she never planned to meet.

We always get caught up in the moment. Now there's silences that need filling and questions that need answering. But how can I open up to him?

Priorities Phi! Consider this when he's not inside of you!

Trying to stand, her legs felt too weak to support her body, and the marble was too slippery underfoot. But she persevered, knowing the contraceptive charm was time-sensitive.

Just managing to raise herself part of the way, she groaned, feeling him abruptly leave her body. Deciding it would be less embarrassing to ask for help, she ungracefully dropped back onto his lap. Shyly avoiding eye-contact, she murmured, 'Draco – I can't reach my wand.'

Unable to contain his smirk, watching her squirm beneath his gaze. He understood why a wand was necessary. But he was preoccupied – repressing the teasing comment on the tip of his tongue. You can fuck me, but can't ask for a favour without cringing?

Biting his tongue, he reached for his wand. Completing the spell, before unceremoniously tossing it back over his shoulder. He didn't want anything stopping him from holding her – from tracing every part of her skin.